Other Seeking some support

[untitledperson]

Hi everyone, first time posting here. Looking for some support.

I have had multiple traumas, I've tried to deal with them in various ways over the years. Then I had a breakdown three years ago and am now rebuilding my life. I'm in stage one of trauma treatment - stabilisation.

I'm feeling really low because for the first time my trauma is very visible on my face and body. I've literally been told that my trauma is ageing me. Part of this is self neglect, as I do it in an extreme way, and neglect pretty much every part of myself. I also lost my job so haven't been able to take care of myself like buy clothes or skincare etc.

I'm now in a better position but feel paralysed. I can't buy any clothes, I've got skincare but still struggle to do the basics like shower or sleep.

Im feeling a lot of complicated things. I now feel like I look so awful, and completely exhausted all the time. Like nothing can fix it. At the same time, in the future I'd like to have a healthy relationship and meet people. But now I feel like I've lost that chance because of the toll this has all taken on me. I feel like I'm never going to be healed from this and maybe if I can heal it'll be too late

I hate that I self neglect so much. I try to put routines in place, but even when I follow those routines I feel like I'm too far gone. It just feels really painful when people are telling me how awful I look and it's true and that's how I feel too

 

[arfie]

hello untitledperson. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

your post is putting me in mind of my need to be gentle with myself and patient with the process. my heart's desire was for a magic wand to let me wake up a perfect person in the morning. well. . . that remains my heart's desire, but ? ? ? here in real life, healing is an unpredictable process which takes a great deal of time and gentle effort. emphasis on, "gentle." getting a bigger whip for my habitual self-flagellation has yet to help.

It just feels really painful when people are telling me how awful I look and it's true and that's how I feel too

amen, i say unto thee, amen. in my own case, i isolated far enough that there was no one to tell me that and discovered that it is even more painful on the inside.

 

[untitledperson]

Ah, I'm sorry to hear how alone you were. Well, I guess it was also a relief hearing it (it was not a close friend, someone new I met for first time). Like yes that is how I feel. Bizarrely close friends and family are in denial? Always telling me I'm great and that everything's fine while I fall apart very visibly (I mean job home relationships). But I think maybe it's also this pain of I do want to get better and I just hope that I can and all is not lost? And what does that look like now that I've experienced so much? I'm struggling honestly

 

[Susan Jane]

Hi everyone, first time posting here. Looking for some support.

I have had multiple traumas, I've tried to deal with them in various ways over the years. Then I had a breakdown three years ago and am now rebuilding my life. I'm in stage one of trauma treatment - stabilisation.

I'm feeling really low because for the first time my trauma is very visible on my face and body. I've literally been told that my trauma is ageing me. Part of this is self neglect, as I do it in an extreme way, and neglect pretty much every part of myself. I also lost my job so haven't been able to take care of myself like buy clothes or skincare etc.

I'm now in a better position but feel paralysed. I can't buy any clothes, I've got skincare but still struggle to do the basics like shower or sleep.

Im feeling a lot of complicated things. I now feel like I look so awful, and completely exhausted all the time. Like nothing can fix it. At the same time, in the future I'd like to have a healthy relationship and meet people. But now I feel like I've lost that chance because of the toll this has all taken on me. I feel like I'm never going to be healed from this and maybe if I can heal it'll be too late

I hate that I self neglect so much. I try to put routines in place, but even when I follow those routines I feel like I'm too far gone. It just feels really painful when people are telling me how awful I look and it's true and that's how I feel too

I feel you. A bit about me: I had a breakdown for the second time in March 2025. I am still struggling and although I have had some progress I have fallen back in the last 3 weeks. Personal neglect is a big part of it for me too. I have learned to stop beating myself up. I treat myself better by supporting my neglected child, who feels scared and lonely. Intellectually I know I am not a child and I have functioned through my life, hey I am still here. Nevertheless the feelings that live inside me are real, even though I am not 8 anymore. I feel my childhood trauma as if it is happening now. I wad angry with myself most of my life for not being able to put it behind me. My body says no I am 8 years old and in terror, it shakes, sweats and is in full panic. The reality is I am safe, I have a roof over my head, food to eat and yet I am just scared. I can only offer understanding and compassion. You aren’t alone and I wrote you are stabilizing now, and that is enough. Being gentle with yourself as @arfie mentioned is so important, just as you are important. In solidarity Welcome to the forum

 

[arfie]

But I think maybe it's also this pain of I do want to get better and I just hope that I can and all is not lost? And what does that look like now that I've experienced so much? I'm struggling honestly

yes, getting better often introduces new and deeper pain. i like the broken bone analogy of the need to re-break and reset a bone which has been left to heal badly. yes, it hurts extra, but the gain is worth the pain.

what will being better look like? the doris day classic pops into my head.

"que sera sera
"whatever will be will be
"the future's not ours to see
"que sera sera."

the honest struggle will get you there, one step at a time.