Self harm in adults with ptsd

[mumstheword]

I still pick at sores, but I don't cut, like I did as a teen, or bash my head against walls, or pull out my hair and I've finally got my ED under control. I'm 45.

 

[Teasel]

Sometimes I pick at the skin around my nails obsessively till they bleed. Sometimes I drink & drug. It feels very much like a self harm / self punishment thing though.

 

[Hayleigh]

I did not start until age 43 after my little boy died. I stopped but it is a huge struggle not to when I feel really strong emotions.

 

[zarae]

as to the original question, assuming some of my behaviors are defined as self-harming (intent to do harm as opposed to incidentally hurting is what qualifies, correct?), I am in my early 30's .

I have been a skin picker as far back as I can remember; look for the smallest of blemish/bumps I can scratch and dig at it, which leaves open sores and has scabs that need to be messed with and continues that cycle.
since I began dealing with my childhood baggage, I started beating on myself

not sure if these counts, but through a very good imagination i often image/picture hurting myself with excruciating detail, in a sense of where I can imagine feeling the results (if that makes sense). recently I saw an article about emotional self harm , and I fall into a few of those categories.

 

[Angelsea]

In my fifties, fairly recently started self-harming.
I tried googling to get info to help understand why it feels like it helps. That's how I landed here. I read the first page of this thread (from 2013) and then jumped to this page.
There were times, maybe in my thirties, when I sometimes hit myself in the head with my fists. But once I hit my temple and it flashed white behind my closed eyes, and that scared me, so I didn't do anything like that for a long time.

Now I'm starting to really dig in the the baggage (severe neglect) and sometimes it's so hard! Sometimes I do the head-hitting, but more often punching the front of my thighs - I can hit so hard, and it hurts, but sadly no bruising - or the inside of my forearms, or now most often I dig my fingernails into my forearm, usually just pressing them in, but when it's really bad, I'll scratch (or more like gouge). Sometimes manage to do this one when the pain hits when other people are around. When alone, I have lately started to use implements - a fork, a butter knife - but that's kinda scary. Sometimes I slap myself really hard - feels more like actual punishment.

The other day I thought: I do it because it kind of short-circuits the real pain. The big inside pain stops while my body is experiencing this relatively little "outside" pain.
Today I thought: The physical pain feels like a step toward death, which is what I so badly want, when it gets bad.
So I guess there can be different reasons, or different effects, for any one person at different times.

My therapist doesn't know any of this. Even though I think the work we do is really good, and I trust him more than I've trusted anyone, but still.

 

[Hayleigh]

I am sorry for your emotional pain. Yes the physical pain I inflict helps to numb the ptsd. There are some people who get really afraid of self harming. I have not injured myself for about 2 months but when I get really frustrated or angry I really really want to do it. It may be something you want to talk with your doctor about, especially if you think you want to leave this life. Peace to you.