Hello,
I'm Abacus. I am a college student who is living with PTSD as well as a number of other forms of emotional distress that have been diagnosed as many different things. I first developed PTSD at age 14 after a year of depression. At that time I was the victim of sexual violence by a peer of mine. It took place at a camp and I was immediately blamed and invalidated by many professionals, school teachers, parents, friends, etc.
During my other experiences of madness (I prefer the term madness over mental illness. I can get into why another time) which included depression, suicide attempts, self injury, over eating, and psychosis I began dating a girl online who I met through a forum. We had a history of sexual violence in common. At the time we began dating neither of us knew she had Dissociative Identity Disorder. One of her alters was extremely emotionally abusive and manipulative. This has severely altered how I think of sex but otherwise wasn't too traumatic.
Finally, I am a survivor of psychiatric abuse. I have been hospitalized in inpatient units many times for being suicidal and other issues and was treated abusively a number of times. As many as 16 laws and regulations were broken in the way they would keep me in seclusion, threatening me, not attending to my medical needs, keeping me in a room for over 30 hours not allowed to talk to other people or go to the bathroom by myself, etc. The psychiatric abuse complicated my PTSD from the sexual violence.
I am left really struggling with my PTSD ongoing. I am triggered by doctors and office buildings, I have panic attacks and fears of being assaulted, I am afraid I will be locked up in a hospital and raped as has happened to my friends, I dissociate, I have nightmares, etc. The PTSD is cripplng at times. I have been in therapy for a long time but I don't think it's helping. I am trying to come of my medications because I am worried about long term risk. I have some supportive friends but its very hard.
I apologize for the length of this. I am glad to be here.
Abacus
I'm Abacus. I am a college student who is living with PTSD as well as a number of other forms of emotional distress that have been diagnosed as many different things. I first developed PTSD at age 14 after a year of depression. At that time I was the victim of sexual violence by a peer of mine. It took place at a camp and I was immediately blamed and invalidated by many professionals, school teachers, parents, friends, etc.
During my other experiences of madness (I prefer the term madness over mental illness. I can get into why another time) which included depression, suicide attempts, self injury, over eating, and psychosis I began dating a girl online who I met through a forum. We had a history of sexual violence in common. At the time we began dating neither of us knew she had Dissociative Identity Disorder. One of her alters was extremely emotionally abusive and manipulative. This has severely altered how I think of sex but otherwise wasn't too traumatic.
Finally, I am a survivor of psychiatric abuse. I have been hospitalized in inpatient units many times for being suicidal and other issues and was treated abusively a number of times. As many as 16 laws and regulations were broken in the way they would keep me in seclusion, threatening me, not attending to my medical needs, keeping me in a room for over 30 hours not allowed to talk to other people or go to the bathroom by myself, etc. The psychiatric abuse complicated my PTSD from the sexual violence.
I am left really struggling with my PTSD ongoing. I am triggered by doctors and office buildings, I have panic attacks and fears of being assaulted, I am afraid I will be locked up in a hospital and raped as has happened to my friends, I dissociate, I have nightmares, etc. The PTSD is cripplng at times. I have been in therapy for a long time but I don't think it's helping. I am trying to come of my medications because I am worried about long term risk. I have some supportive friends but its very hard.
I apologize for the length of this. I am glad to be here.
Abacus
