She Cat Banned

[anthony]

Anyone who has an issue, please feel free to take it up with me.

I know all to well and understand Wendy is a senior member, but to be perfectly honest, I am sick and tired of the drama created by one person within the entire community, the aggression and anger from one member towards others. Had enough, so I have banned her permanently. I have tried to be tolerant, and guess what? My tolerance just ran out.

It is one thing to say it how it is, it is another to consistently do it in a manner that is attacking towards others. Yes, my patience is stretched extremely thin right now. I have quite honestly had enough of making excuses or sweeping nonsense under the carpet due to her being a senior member. Enough is enough.

 

[anni]

My first reaction was to avoid this post. Of course it was. I avoid everything. It's perhaps possible to respond respectfully, without either reacting judgementally nor speaking as some maudlin and spineless Pollyanna persona.

It was good to understand that this dam PTSD thing manifests variously. One becomes afflicted with the inability to feel, much less express anger ( that would mostly be me ), which of course I'd known, or has that equally disabling inclination towards an apprently ungovernable anger, which I did not understand until joining here. With that knowledge, it was acceptable sometimes to just avoid the bejeesus out of threads where one knew one might run into some trouble. Sometimes this wasn't possible, and it's been a very good push for me to once in awhile force myself to step back, take a breath and stomp my little foot as firmly as could muster at the time right back in whatever direction. It's been a very healthy excersize in just plain learning for this big fat marshmallow and hope to be able to stop avoiding-well, all the time, anyway.

It is tough to see aggressive things, though, I will say, for people who do manifest with dread of conflict and have this knee-jerk, awful guilt/shame crap one can get slammed with all too easily. That would be me, and do not mean to make this about me-it seems to be common enough here so do not imagine I'm at all unique. The forum runs well for a reason and this step is what it is.I will also say that I've seen She Cat be delightful in humourous threads, and hope the lighter side of life and things will manifest itself in that ability again.

I'm not being smarmy, or deliberately doing anything but saying just this, and that's that it can't have been easy given the longevity. Hope this made sense, anway, and at least I did not avoid something unpleasant-for once!

Take care,

Anni

 

[Jade-]

Well at least by giving your reason for banning her it lets the rest of know what not to do.

I was just getting to know She Cat.....it sucks that she won't be here anymore, but it is what it is.


BTW, I was really beginning to feed off of her vibes.... not a good thing.

 

[Grama-Herc]

While I really want to comment on this, I'm not sure what to say or how to feel. I was close to her for a long time until she began to enter into her negative and vicious attacking phase. Unfortunately, it damaged the friendship beyond repair, and all I've been able to do is sit back and watch her decline.

I pray she gets the help she seriously needs and that she will be alright.

 

[Mina]

I will miss Wendy's participation on this forum. She has contributed a lot of good here.

Grama-Herc, the damage to your relationship with She Cat was also on your end, and I hope you can eventually take responsibility for that. I really hope you learn to understand that when someone says "no" or "go away" or "leave me alone" that should be RESPECTED. Repeatedly violating a friend's boundaries is not okay.

That's all I have to say on this topic.

 

[anthony]

I would honestly hope that this does not turn into something its not aimed to be, and that is a simple notification to all members as to my reasons. I have always given members my reasons for anything major, even minor, and most times gotten member input into things before a decision, though this was not one of those times.

I have no doubt Wendy is a lovely person, I know she typically is, however; that has little to do with my decisions for this forum. Decline or not at present, I will not tolerate any member running around this forum exerting their aggression onto others on any type of consistent basis, which is what has happened. I would quite honestly be a little disheartened if I started to see "I hate Wendy" or "I Love Wendy" type posts on here, as that is not what this is about.

I have broad shoulders, and the decision rest on them. If Wendy sorts herself out in the future, then like I give to pretty much all members, the opportunity will absolutely be their if she wishes to return. My normal approach to banned members with posting history (excluding spammers obviously), is that I do periodically review them and normally remove the ban. They will automatically receive an email stating such. Some come back with little to no change and get banned again, some have come back and adjusted their attitude when upon this site to respect everyone equally, and still participate here.

 

[Marlene]

One wonders if the person who came onto a PTSD forum and made such an incredibly and hugely rude statement that women with PTSD are all drugged-up drunkards and not worth his time...one wonders if his inappropriate and inflammatory comments were dealt with in such a swift and efficient manner as well. I do hope so because, if memory serves, respecting all forum members is a cornerstone of this forum.

Lisa

 

[anni]

That was awful, too. It wasn't pleasant to hear such nonsense from someone so ruthless in their assesment. Sounded to me like someone deliberately yanking our chains, since it was SO off the wall and horrifically cruel. Calling himself a 'carer' had to be some kind of joke.

Maybe the point is that extremism across the board could just be a tad muted, is all. We're ALL reactive in some way, and either lash out or become squashed. I squish like a bug.My reactivity is just as extreme the difference being it'll be internalized so noone sees it. :) Today, for instance, is a really, really shakey day. No whining, just making a point. It's totally my responsibility to deal with, and do try hard not to be reactive and take things personally. If I come across a thread with a lot of contention in it, it'll be upsetting and if it's directed at me I'll be a bug on a windshield. So why log in and risk it? Because the nature of the forum is where one goes when one is attempting to bludgeon this crap into submission for the day. Not everyone is each other's flavour of the month, to be sure, as is the case anywhere. Normal. There should be some awareness of reactivity of others, I think, in the same way I see people warning others with 'possible trigger' in threads where they realize there's something possibly upsetting.

I hope it's not a 'like' or 'dislike' to say I hope She Cat comes back. There are no academic studies on long-term suffers and I've seen many positive insights in the past posts which can only come from expereince.

 

[Fragile]

Maybe she's being used as an example of what can happen to any of us if we step out of line. The so-called carer who made the inflammatory, derogatory comment, evidently about women, wasn't dealt with at all and the founder being male himself, it is kind of disturbing that way.

 

[Fragile]

I'm not cut out for forums and am a likely candidate for being banned myself. They own everything you say and can give you the boot when they feel like it too.

 

[Nicolette]

They own everything you say and can give you the boot when they feel like it too.

While I personally have nothing to do with the Wendy issue and don't know what transpired in the Private PTSD section (and prefer to stay out of it) I would like to respond to what Fragile has posted.

Yes, once posted the forum owns everything you post on here but I think "they can give you the boot when they feel like it too" is somewhat unfair as everyone I have seen here who has ever got banned as been given chances to act more appropriately. The only exception to this is spammers who are immediately banned on discovery and members who start posting while suicidal are temporarily banned for 48 hours due to protecting the well being of all other members of the forum as a whole ie not triggering other members unnecessarily.

Being "a likely candidate for being banned" would mean that you don't follow the forum guidelines. If you post your opinions and comments you have nothing to worry about as long as they are not aggressive or attacking towards others. Not hard stuff and if you do forget the rules you get a reminder warning which again gives you the opportunity to either continue posting against the rules and getting yourself temporarily banned if you receive more than 5 infractions in one month, or you can realize what you have done and not continue doing so.

Wendy's banning has nothing to do with me and I got on well with her hence I will not enter the debate of her banning. At the end of the day, I know Anthony does not take things lightly so he must believe his decision is warranted and it is his forum, which we personally fund out of our pockets with the addition to some donations from members, so he gets the final say.

I do agree with Marlene IMHO that the particular member's post in question was offensive however Anthony did respond to that giving the member a chance to be more careful of what he had to say as he was putting female PTSD sufferers into a box which was not very nice. I don't get what that has to do with Wendy's banning as again, I only saw her once response and believe it was what happened in the Private PTSD section which caused the banning and not what I saw.

End of my take on things.

Oh, by the way:

Maybe she's being used as an example of what can happen to any of us if we step out of line. The so-called carer who made the inflammatory, derogatory comment, evidently about women, wasn't dealt with at all and the founder being male himself, it is kind of disturbing that way.

You are so wrong Fragile that it is not funny. Wendy is NOT being used as an example - can you not read that it was a notification to all members as otherwise what happens is as editors we get lots of PMs asking what happened.

Secondly, Anthony did respond to this member referring to your point so be careful as you just did exactly the same thing by putting my husband in a 'box' of men which is the same (but to the opposite sex) of what you are complaining about. You are now the pot calling the kettle black so to speak!

 

[Nicolette]

I would honestly hope that this does not turn into something its not aimed to be, and that is a simple notification to all members as to my reasons.

As this thread has now taken a direction which Anthony asked that it would not, it has been closed by other Moderators based on their decision in Anthony's absence while I was typing my reply.

I think enough has been said. This was a notification thread - not a spat session.