General Should I Stay Or Go? Boyfriend With PTSD Has Been Lying To Me

[elizabeth v]

I'm so confused. My boyfriend has PTSD. I've been with him for 1 year. Two weeks short of our first anniversary straight. Then we were apart for six months and got back together a few months ago. He has been out of the army since 2004. My question is this: since we met, all that's been coming out of his mouth is lies. Since the very first day the first almost year a few months after being together he started being verbally but more physically abusive towards me. Yes, I was no help but also being verbally abusive to him. I did make mistakes such as that but things started coming out more and more. It's like I never knew him. Like I don't know him. He fooled me the whole time. I pretty much fell in love with a guy who wasn't who he said he was from morals, his beliefs on things, etc. It's such a long story. But my question is, do people who have the disorder, are they compulsive liars? And will they ever change? I recently talked to a lady who has so many similarities as I, but the only difference is she has a few more years on me and so happens the two guys happen to be friends, were in the war together, but haven't seen each other for years but have been in touch.

 

[ANCHOR]

[DLMURL="http://www.ptsdforum.org/thread10778.html"]Boyfriend Has PTSD-Is It Common To Be So Simple?[/DLMURL]

Please go read the posts in this thread. I just left an abusive ex-military man whom also lied in addition to other things and I think the posts on this thread will be very very helpful for you.

It is ok to try to heal a relationship if you feel that it is possible...but check these comments out and then maybe go to a caregiver thread for more tips. There is a lot of good information from both points of view.

I now have complicated PTSD because I have been abused in addition to past trauma...so anyone can get this...even caregivers if they are not informed or careful to keep healthy boundaries.

Best regards to you. Please be safe.

 

[Mina]

Having PTSD does not mean the sufferer is a compulsive liar. His lying may or may not be connected to his PTSD in some way, but speaking in a clinical sense, it is not one of the symptoms which would determine a diagnosis of PTSD.

Bottom line, whether or not he has PTSD is no excuse for compulsively lying or physically abusing you. Please get to a safe place and get help for what he has put you through.

 

[macpayne]

In my research Lying is not a symptom of PTSD. If the relationship has become volatile, I would leave. It takes a long time to truly get to know someone. If your bofriend has become someone you can no longer trust I would serisouly think about moving on. I mean every relationship has there ups and downs, so go with your gut instinct and do what you think is right. Heck I've been married for almost 8 years and I'm still finding things out about my husband that I didn't know. I mean we grow and we change as the years go on. It's a big commitment to accept and expect growth and or change good or bad. Goodluck.

 

[ANCHOR]

I think this is a "let him go" situation. It was definitely the lying and the physical abuse that told me he had a lot more psychological problems than just PTSD.

Stay safe and let us know how you are.:Hug_emoticon:

 

[Auburngirl]

Do not stay in an abusive relationship, it's not good for anyone can be seriously damaging to you. Honestly, it's a potential way to end up with all sorts of mental health problems including PTSD- this is part of the story of what happened to me. Don't harm yourself in this way.

To some extent it doesn't matter what the reason is that someone treats you this badly. It's not a relationship that you want to stay in regardless of the cause.

Take care of yourself.

 

[becvan]

Would you even ask this if this person did not have PTSD? If you reword this to say: Should I stay or go? Boyfriend has been lying to me? what would your answer be?

PTSD just does not even counter into this. If your being lied to and abused in anyway, then there is nothing in the world that should excuse that.

And no, people with PTSD are not compulsive liars. Compulsive liars can have PTSD though.

bec

 

[pebbels]

Hello elizabeth.v.:hello: LEAVE!!

Whether your boyfriend has ptsd or not you are in an ABUSIVE relationship:naughty: Verbal and Physical abuse is not a healthy trip of ones life time.

If he is not recieving any form of treatment for his ptsd or/and in denial then he will not change and LOVE cannot fix him.

Don't make the mistake that many carers have made by excusing ones behaviour because of ptsd.

All the best with your decision:smile:

Pebs

 

[2quilt]

Take care of yourself first. If he is abusive and a liar, he must be willing to get mental health help or he's out da door, honey. You are worth more.

 

[elizabeth v]

Thank you all so much for your input.It is putting a whole new perspective on the situation.He was recently diagnosed with also being bi-polar.The last huge fight we had he tried to make me feel guilty in using that as excuse.Coming into the relationship I myself have social anxiety and depression.Auburngirl you having stated "it's a potential way to end up with all sorts of mental health problems including PTSD"that has also struck a major cord for me.I do really feel traumatized by everything that has occurred.Also I feel as though I've lost myself through it all and it has effected me profoundly.I found myself being revengeful and having suicidal thoughts amongst other things.He is my first love and I never put so much into one person or anything.I have only had two other relationships before him.I am 26 years old.

 

[Shoka]

Here is my Boundary:
There's no excuse for physical abuse EVER. Period, end of story.
You physically hurt me, I call the authorities, press charges, and the relationship is over.

I agree with becvan- PTSD does not make someone a compulsive liar, but compulsive liars can have PTSD.

Don't allow yourself to be physically abused. It's a terrible cycle that only spirals downward.

Shoka

 

[Nicolette]

.The last huge fight we had he tried to make me feel guilty in using that as excuse.

While this is manipulation and wrong of your boyfriend you play a role in this too.......what do you accept and what is your truth? You have to find the clarity and answers within yourself.

He can only make you feel guilty for this if you accept it. If I was having that argument my comment would be "nothing, including bi-polar disorder, is an excuse for you lying to me...Full stop".