So I Managed To Allow My Husband

[Fadeaway]

Understood. I edited my post above. You need a sign that says I am leaving, don't touch. or escape out a window.

 

[Gs172003]

Got out without waking him up. I'll talk to him later about it but I don't know how.

 

[Hope_N_Highwater]

It sounds like you are feeling emotionally vulnerable after the intimacy...lots of conflicting feelings happening swirled with past and present, and you need time to pull it together. The bathroom has been my safe place in the past for me, until I could feel back in control of any of my emotions. I took lots of "time outs" in there. I would tell my h I wanted to take a bath and work on lady stuff (they never have any idea what the heck those things are lol), and lock the bathroom door? It will give you some time to get yourself together... and figure out what to tell him about the touching, in a way that he will not interpret as rejection. My heart feels for you Zoogal.

 

[Gs172003]

I've so been there, @Zoogal

Even when one of my school children stands behind me and I...

Thank you

 

[Gs172003]

This is why I hate being at home. I'm afraid of THIS

 

[Powder]

I validate your feelings are very real.

I confess that even though I am so fortunate and have the world's best husband in some ways (of course not all, and he has his flaws) I have become ENRAGED and very triggered at times when he has come up behind me and touched me in any way, even a hug or loving touch.

I have encountered this very same feeling, and it's honestly one of the hardest parts of my condition, so I want to validate that this inner conflict is very real. It's an inner battle.

 

[Powder]

Leaving until it passes is an acceptable option if you feel safe enough to do so, but not if you're flashing back. Can you go outside and punch something or shovel snow or dig a hole and fill it back up again?

I often go into "fight" mode and need to rage a bit, verbally or get some physical exertion. Take this :poop: out on something.

I regret when I hurt him by letting it out some way that makes him feel bad or at fault.

 

[illusionist]

Take the time to normalize emotionally.....once you get that back you have the space in your head to think about what you need to say.

 

[Hope_N_Highwater]

I'm glad you were able to get out of the house and to the gym. It will give you time to get back in control as you are doing something for YOURSELF. It will also give you opportunity to figure out how to communicate with him, in an effective way.

What works for me when having to discuss something that may hurt my h is the sandwich approach.... as an example: " while I am "glad" (lol) we were able to have our close time together this morning, it does not mean I am now completely healed from my past trauma and enjoy all touching again. I need you to________________" so we can____________ ( something good should go here). The goal is compliment, what you need or feel, compliment again. .... just a suggestion.

 

[Gs172003]

Leaving until it passes is an acceptable option if you feel safe enough to do so, but not if you're flashin...

I'm already gone. I probably shouldn't have drove but I did.

 

[Gs172003]

Im going to go workout and hope that I'm OK when I'm done. I'm still a mess

 

[illusionist]

At the moment, don't even try to figure out anything......just get ' you ' back.


Give yourself that time.