So I Managed To Allow My Husband

[Gs172003]

Zoogal, I know how you feel. I cry during. Its hard. I hate that lovey dovey stuff to after. It makes me...

Thank you

 

[Gs172003]

Zoogal, I know how you feel. I cry during. Its hard. I hate that lovey dovey stuff to after. It makes me...

I'm sorry things like this suck for so many of us. It's not supposed to be this way.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Zoogal NO! Is a complete sentence. Use it when you need too...

 

[Powder]

For me, this kind of reaction happens sometimes, and sometimes not. It's been a lot better for me since I moved far away from the abusers, so I do think fear levels matter.

Reduce fear and chronic stressers and you may see this symptom lessen or diminish entirely. It's hard to say, because sometimes it morphs into another trigger, like the trigger just suddenly decides to move "over there" instead. ??? PTSD ???

 

[Gs172003]

@Zoogal NO! Is a complete sentence. Use it when you need too...

Thanks

 

[aut555]

How about * this was good for you, but l need to process this in a non-physical manner for thirty minutes until l feel grounded and safe. But l like the bathroom excuse the best, l have to work on my lady parts, can you bear with me? Lol

 

[Gs172003]

How about * this was good for you, but l need to process this in a non-physical manner for thirty minute...

This was the next day. I can't handle it for a while. I don't know when I can to be honest.
He started almost immediately after and just kept on and on and on and when he started back up the next day...omg.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Zoogal if you can't sit down with him to discuss how you feel, then how about a letter explaining how you feel and the effect that sex has on you. Ask him if maybe he has some ideas on how to help you through this so that maybe you can start enjoying sex, or that it won't be as painful emotionally for you. Discussing this with him I know will open up shit for you, but it might also open up some very much needed solutions too.

 

[Hope_N_Highwater]

@Zoogal How is the situation with your SO going?

 

[Ellie]

I understand how you must feel @Zoogal. I don't know what its worth but I have a similar issue with my hubby as he would like to be intimate far more than we are, which is hardly at all. I have learnt to be straight up frank with him about it. When I'm not in the mood, its always a 'No'. I also always back that up with a reason why, as in: 'No, because I'm struggling with PTSD issues at the minute, and it's nothing to do with you or us (this can be hard for them to understand I've found).' I've found that the more open we've become in our ability to talk about the whole 'intimacy' issue between us, the less of an issue its become. He's honest about the fact he finds it hard, but he never puts unnecessary pressure on me and always accept no when I say it. I know he would like more intimacy with me, and see it as a positive thing as I know that it is a big part of wanting to be close and connected with me. With my history of abuse it can sometimes be hard to see that desire in a positive way, but I trust my husband and know that that is what it is for him. It took time and communication on both parts for us though. Wishing you the best of luck, and stay true to your gut feelings. You don't and shouldn't need to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable...

 

[Gs172003]

@Zoogal How is the situation with your SO going?

I'm avoiding it as much as possible.

And we're going out of town which means we are sleeping in the same bed ( I don't usually)
We'll see how this goes.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Zoogal Avoidance is something that people with PTSD use, but it's actually not a healthy way to deal with things. Nothing changes when you avoid. Nothing gets discussed, when you avoid. Nothing gets healed when you avoid.

It's an unhealthy tool that we use, but it's only effective for so long, and then the shit hits the fan and it no longer works.