Its a long story, Ill try and be brief but if anyone could take the time to read it and help me I would really appreciate it as I am lost right now.
My boyfriend (Or currently ex boyfriend has been diagnosed with PTDS and Bi polar whilst serving in the Royal Navy after a tour in Afghanistan and on his return breakdown of a relationship.
His work life became a cycle of thinking he was ok and going back to work (male forces bravado) for the stress to then become too much and be signed back off. He ran up massive debts over £25K. He was receiving counselling provided by the navy and medication but I never took it, I also don't think he told the nurse everything that he was feeling.
I met him nearly three years ago and fell in love with him straight away. He was so much fun, we could talk for hours and hours. Things weren't right though. He told me that he was not at work because of depression, he told me little snippets of what was going on, just enough to appease me I think. He blew very hot and cold. A fantastic weekend together, then a text on Monday to say that he couldn't cope. This went on for 6 months. I assumed that it was me, that I wasn't good enough for him to want to be with me. I wasn't attractive enough, intelligent enough, fun enough etc, I actually thought that his behaviour was all down to his relationship break up. Little did I know he was coping with much much more.
After 6 months he asked me to be his girlfriend. I was so happy. Things were great between us for quite some time, although I always fund him to be a little distant and aloof. We endured time apart as he was based in Scotland Monday to Friday, would go on training courses for weeks at a time and in 2012 he serves 6 month in the gulf. During his time in the Gulf all medical help was stopped, no provisions were made for him out there. I knew he wasn't coping, was drinking a great deal and on sleeping tablets.He was sent home with stress and depression a month early and signed off sick, knowing that 6 months later he would be at the medical board for discharge.
The first week or so after his return was great, we spent all our time together and just slipped straight back in to being a couple. Then again he withdrew a little, he wouldn't reply to texts, made excuses not to come round, put cryptic statuses on facebook etc but when we were together it was completely the opposite?? again I though it was just how he was in relationships or he wasn't into me as much as I was into him.
He asked me how I felt about moving in together.... how did I feel?? Amazing!! I was so excited. He immediately went looking at houses for us and my two daughters and we found the most perfect home to move into after Christmas. WE had a lovely Christmas and the next few weeks were filled with packing boxes etc.
two weeks after moving in together, he was out at work and I went on the laptop to find his facebook open and messages to other girls asking for sex, pictures of private parts and descriptions of what they wanted to do to each other. I was in shock! I never expected this from him. At all!! I text him, asked him what the hell was going on and to come home, he just replied "Do you want to work through it?). He came home and broken down and when I say broke down I mean it. Shaking, rocking, crying, pulling his hair, anxiety attacks it was awful. He explained that he has been diagnosed with PTSD and Bi Polar type 2, that he was a mess, ashamed of himself, of his actions and that he couldn't even go to work with out having a panic attack. He said that went sending the messages he was completely detached to reality, that he didn't know why he did it and that he would have never gone through with anything. He was so self conscious about himself be very rarely took stood naked in front of me or took the lead in the bedroom. I was so sad for him. That he was going through such a terrible illness by himself and no one at all knew. An illness that had made him think and act in such self deprecating ways. I just held him.
We decided to work through it. I went with him to his counselling as he was having panic attacks on the way to the base and I encouraged him to tell the councillor everything. We too when to relate but we found it not to be helpful and too much for him to cope with two different methods of counselling.
Although I understood it was an illness, on the other hand I became very low. I thought it was my fault, that he wouldn't have done this if I was good enough for him, attractive enough, more fun..... I became very insecure and jealous. Although we agreed to but it behind us and move on, I struggled intermittently with insecurities. He was amazing, it was like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, he was open and honest with his feelings, attentive, relaxed, loving and our sex life got better and better. On the outside we were perfect, but my insecurities bubbled underneath and occasional I wouldn't be able to control them. Id see one of the girls, hear something etc and it would et me off. If I had had a drink it was worse. Sometimes when he tried to reassure me I was just blinkered to it. We had a few arguments during this time, mostly fuelled by drink. He would become defensive, which would make me worse then he would take off for a night or two, no replying to text messages or phone calls. Looking back it must have been so hard for him. He must have felt so guilty seeing the hurt in my face when we argued, bringing back up things he was ashamed of. I started having counselling for me.
A great Christmas followed, then my boyfriend started a new job. I was worried that he was taking too much on too soon, he was doing a full time university course and now working 4 days a week in a responsible position at a school. Not to mention that he was coping with adjusting to life as a civilian. I kept asking if he was ok, how he felt, if he was happy. I know that this annoyed him. I was also getting a bit stressed out. I could deal with our life, our home, our friends, work uni, but now a new think that I wasn't involved in had been thrown into the mix.
Anyway, what had a silly drunken argument one night and he took off, that was 2 months ago.
For the first two weeks he wouldn't reply to messages or agree to meet up. He completely isolated himself.
He has since met up with me on three occasions and everything has been like normal. All the feelings are still there, we sit and snuggle on the sofa, cuddle and chat to each other all be it about day to day stuff as he will not discuss the relationship or his mental health in any way.
He has had a few days when he has obviously been on a downer, texting thinks like I don't care about anything anymore, you should never have bothered with me, you would have been better off if you had never met me.
He has not collected his things from the house even though I have packed them all up and he has been over, he hasn't changed bills or post, he still replied to messages and agrees to meet up (about once every two days) He has agreed to a phone call tonight and most importantly I have arranged a Veterans Out Reach appointment with my doctor and he has agreed to come.
I have been his support for a long time, he has never told any of his friends about his illness.
I guess what I am looking for is opinions. I cant give up on him he is far too important but I am worried about making a fool of myself and holding onto something that may never come back.
Does this sound like the typical waves of a relationship with someone with PTDS and Bi Polar?
My boyfriend (Or currently ex boyfriend has been diagnosed with PTDS and Bi polar whilst serving in the Royal Navy after a tour in Afghanistan and on his return breakdown of a relationship.
His work life became a cycle of thinking he was ok and going back to work (male forces bravado) for the stress to then become too much and be signed back off. He ran up massive debts over £25K. He was receiving counselling provided by the navy and medication but I never took it, I also don't think he told the nurse everything that he was feeling.
I met him nearly three years ago and fell in love with him straight away. He was so much fun, we could talk for hours and hours. Things weren't right though. He told me that he was not at work because of depression, he told me little snippets of what was going on, just enough to appease me I think. He blew very hot and cold. A fantastic weekend together, then a text on Monday to say that he couldn't cope. This went on for 6 months. I assumed that it was me, that I wasn't good enough for him to want to be with me. I wasn't attractive enough, intelligent enough, fun enough etc, I actually thought that his behaviour was all down to his relationship break up. Little did I know he was coping with much much more.
After 6 months he asked me to be his girlfriend. I was so happy. Things were great between us for quite some time, although I always fund him to be a little distant and aloof. We endured time apart as he was based in Scotland Monday to Friday, would go on training courses for weeks at a time and in 2012 he serves 6 month in the gulf. During his time in the Gulf all medical help was stopped, no provisions were made for him out there. I knew he wasn't coping, was drinking a great deal and on sleeping tablets.He was sent home with stress and depression a month early and signed off sick, knowing that 6 months later he would be at the medical board for discharge.
The first week or so after his return was great, we spent all our time together and just slipped straight back in to being a couple. Then again he withdrew a little, he wouldn't reply to texts, made excuses not to come round, put cryptic statuses on facebook etc but when we were together it was completely the opposite?? again I though it was just how he was in relationships or he wasn't into me as much as I was into him.
He asked me how I felt about moving in together.... how did I feel?? Amazing!! I was so excited. He immediately went looking at houses for us and my two daughters and we found the most perfect home to move into after Christmas. WE had a lovely Christmas and the next few weeks were filled with packing boxes etc.
two weeks after moving in together, he was out at work and I went on the laptop to find his facebook open and messages to other girls asking for sex, pictures of private parts and descriptions of what they wanted to do to each other. I was in shock! I never expected this from him. At all!! I text him, asked him what the hell was going on and to come home, he just replied "Do you want to work through it?). He came home and broken down and when I say broke down I mean it. Shaking, rocking, crying, pulling his hair, anxiety attacks it was awful. He explained that he has been diagnosed with PTSD and Bi Polar type 2, that he was a mess, ashamed of himself, of his actions and that he couldn't even go to work with out having a panic attack. He said that went sending the messages he was completely detached to reality, that he didn't know why he did it and that he would have never gone through with anything. He was so self conscious about himself be very rarely took stood naked in front of me or took the lead in the bedroom. I was so sad for him. That he was going through such a terrible illness by himself and no one at all knew. An illness that had made him think and act in such self deprecating ways. I just held him.
We decided to work through it. I went with him to his counselling as he was having panic attacks on the way to the base and I encouraged him to tell the councillor everything. We too when to relate but we found it not to be helpful and too much for him to cope with two different methods of counselling.
Although I understood it was an illness, on the other hand I became very low. I thought it was my fault, that he wouldn't have done this if I was good enough for him, attractive enough, more fun..... I became very insecure and jealous. Although we agreed to but it behind us and move on, I struggled intermittently with insecurities. He was amazing, it was like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, he was open and honest with his feelings, attentive, relaxed, loving and our sex life got better and better. On the outside we were perfect, but my insecurities bubbled underneath and occasional I wouldn't be able to control them. Id see one of the girls, hear something etc and it would et me off. If I had had a drink it was worse. Sometimes when he tried to reassure me I was just blinkered to it. We had a few arguments during this time, mostly fuelled by drink. He would become defensive, which would make me worse then he would take off for a night or two, no replying to text messages or phone calls. Looking back it must have been so hard for him. He must have felt so guilty seeing the hurt in my face when we argued, bringing back up things he was ashamed of. I started having counselling for me.
A great Christmas followed, then my boyfriend started a new job. I was worried that he was taking too much on too soon, he was doing a full time university course and now working 4 days a week in a responsible position at a school. Not to mention that he was coping with adjusting to life as a civilian. I kept asking if he was ok, how he felt, if he was happy. I know that this annoyed him. I was also getting a bit stressed out. I could deal with our life, our home, our friends, work uni, but now a new think that I wasn't involved in had been thrown into the mix.
Anyway, what had a silly drunken argument one night and he took off, that was 2 months ago.
For the first two weeks he wouldn't reply to messages or agree to meet up. He completely isolated himself.
He has since met up with me on three occasions and everything has been like normal. All the feelings are still there, we sit and snuggle on the sofa, cuddle and chat to each other all be it about day to day stuff as he will not discuss the relationship or his mental health in any way.
He has had a few days when he has obviously been on a downer, texting thinks like I don't care about anything anymore, you should never have bothered with me, you would have been better off if you had never met me.
He has not collected his things from the house even though I have packed them all up and he has been over, he hasn't changed bills or post, he still replied to messages and agrees to meet up (about once every two days) He has agreed to a phone call tonight and most importantly I have arranged a Veterans Out Reach appointment with my doctor and he has agreed to come.
I have been his support for a long time, he has never told any of his friends about his illness.
I guess what I am looking for is opinions. I cant give up on him he is far too important but I am worried about making a fool of myself and holding onto something that may never come back.
Does this sound like the typical waves of a relationship with someone with PTDS and Bi Polar?
