Relationship Started And Perhaps Ending A Relation With A Sufferer Of Ptsd.

[Deleted member 1860]

Didn't you start posting 2-3 days ago? Meaning you were "upset" after 1-2 days of "space"? Even if she didn't have PTSD, this can be suffocating.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I think, sending a text to let another person (especially one who is important to oneself) know the basics, or an e-mail or a short phone call or a short talk in person has to do with basic respect for another human being, and not with PTSD.

Agreed!

 

[mixtapeheartache]

I did yes, and it's contextual, like everything. Habits are generally created in about 30 days. Solidified in about 60. If you are accustom to texting, talking, seeing, or communicating with someone on daily basis, generally multiple times a day in fact, for 5 weeks, and then suddenly they stop, no responses, I suspect it is rather normal to be "upset" or at the very least "curious" as to what exactly the circumstances are of such an abrupt lack of contact. PDST seems to simply frame the context is a more enlightening manner.

4 days, no contact, no response to last text / call after 5 weeks of daily contact is reason for general concern, I would suspect.

Cheers.

 

[mixtapeheartache]

I think, sending a text to let another person (especially one who is important to oneself) know the basics, or an e-mail or a short phone call or a short talk in person has to do with basic respect for another human being, and not with PTSD.

If we use the A B C logic approach, that line of thinking, which I tend to agree without outside the context of social disorders, would suggest I am *not important*.

Boooo to that.

 

[p-no]

Well, then, why don't you just ask her? It's valid. If she simply hasn't replied to texts I'd just ask her if something is wrong and if so, what it is. It's not fair to just stay away giving no reason.

Thing is, there are very many people with PTSD who dread confrontation. Dread it to an extent they'd do almost anything to avoid it.

See, her needing "space" is not the same as just not replying and giving you basic information you can deal with. As said, it's a matter of respect.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

See, her needing "space" is not the same as just not replying and giving you basic information you can deal with. As said, it's a matter of respect.

Again, agree with Prime-no. :) She is very wise. :D

 

[mixtapeheartache]

Cheers! She definitely does not like confrontation, and honestly, I am not looking for one at all. I don't even need to have a conversation at this point. Just "I'm okay, just taking some space." She is very sensitive for certain. Going to see what my councilor has to say about it all. It's my first experience with this, so I just need to know something terrible hasn't happened to her. Outside of the context of PSTD, that's exactly what anyone else would think.

Thanks!

 

[mixtapeheartache]

Went to counsellor today. Went okay. Basically need to focus on myself, and consider if I really know this person after 5 weeks. Wasn't easy to hear, but I suppose it makes sense.

I am reading this great book called "When Someone You Love Suffers from Posttraumatic Stress: What to Expect and What You Can Do."

Very insightful so far. I'm going to go ahead and give it a thumbs up.

 

[Abstract]

. Happy to give her two days, two weeks, two months if she needs it, with the notion that she wants to come back.

I just wanted to say that although I do possibly do this to others that I could not be on the receiving end of it. How is that for selfish!;)

And I also wanted to add something because of others responses. I sometimes find myself totally unable to respond to others for weeks. Not even a text saying I need space. I feel I should have a label on my forehead saying "toxic avoid" as I detest hurting others and yet do. I will sit that entire time and do everything I can to try to break through and to no avail.

I can accept hurting myself but doing this to others is terribly painful and shameful. Here I am making it about me but I detest myself for doing it. As a result I avoid making any new friendships. I don't think its fair on others. I certainly would not be able to handle a relationship with me.

I really like your honesty and ability to look at yourself and what you are bringing into this. Its refreshing as usually it seems there is total denial.

I think you need to be able to put aside your empathy when you think if this is right for you.

 

[mixtapeheartache]

I think I am very practical-- making a pro-con list and am trying to set up some very reasonable boundaries. If we can both compromise and grow, there is hope. If not, it may be best for me to take a step back.

 

[mixtapeheartache]

Thanks. She finally got back to a text today. Was just a simple "Thinking of you text" with a picture of my dog thinking of hers. I replied to her initial response thanking her for the text back and told her I need to speak with her and it "appears" we are meeting Sunday. But the texts were generally benign, and showed no real interest of being in a relationship.

But, maybe I'm just reading into things, (probably).

:(

 

[Bilby]

There's another good book - The PTSD Relationship - which I downloaded (cheaply) for the kindle. It's an excellent read.

For what it's worth, you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders, mixtapeheartache. I think you'll make the right decision for yourself :)

Good luck.