Phoenix_Rising
Platinum Member
In the shallow end of the pool, because right now I am just really afraid. And also I posted somewhere else (which is generally a supportive site) and only one person answered and no one seemed to really relate or understand what I was going through--and it was hard to post at all. I have since learned, through research online, that the feelings I was having and am having, are pretty typical in covert incest, and covert sexual abuse. But that is about as far as I can really accept anything, and I don't really know if I am just crazy for feeling how I do anyway.
I am also really struggling with this so it's hard to write about, even think about.
That is how I came upon this site, actually, was I was researching CI & CovertSA and came upon a thread in this forum, and people seemed to be pretty supportive and understanding. I don't need to feel any crazier than I already do, needless to say, and I'm terrified of even asking anyone (online, but even my partner and therapist) if that is what this is. And they both ARE supportive. I'm afraid it is, for obvious reasons (at least I think they would be) and I'm afraid it isn't and I'm just crazy and there's something wrong with me for these feelings that have recently come up that I have never been able to feel before, didn't even know they were there. I have always had great difficulty feeling anything about my father, I have spent the last 14 years in therapy basically numb.
My last session was very difficult and unleashed a lot of pent up emotions which I have been processing since my appt on Friday (and during the appt). It is better than it was (considerably) but I am still far from OK since all this happened. It's just I'm not drowning in it so much any more since I have spent 2 1/2 days processing the emotions.
Anyway... for now that is all I can post, just enough to see if any one will understand.
Not really wanting to open myself up to another experience like the last one, when I was so vulnerable. Still am, although that was the first day so it was worse as the feelings were so strong, and I was so afraid.
Thanks for reading :)
Rising_Phoenix
I am also really struggling with this so it's hard to write about, even think about.
That is how I came upon this site, actually, was I was researching CI & CovertSA and came upon a thread in this forum, and people seemed to be pretty supportive and understanding. I don't need to feel any crazier than I already do, needless to say, and I'm terrified of even asking anyone (online, but even my partner and therapist) if that is what this is. And they both ARE supportive. I'm afraid it is, for obvious reasons (at least I think they would be) and I'm afraid it isn't and I'm just crazy and there's something wrong with me for these feelings that have recently come up that I have never been able to feel before, didn't even know they were there. I have always had great difficulty feeling anything about my father, I have spent the last 14 years in therapy basically numb.
My last session was very difficult and unleashed a lot of pent up emotions which I have been processing since my appt on Friday (and during the appt). It is better than it was (considerably) but I am still far from OK since all this happened. It's just I'm not drowning in it so much any more since I have spent 2 1/2 days processing the emotions.
Anyway... for now that is all I can post, just enough to see if any one will understand.
Not really wanting to open myself up to another experience like the last one, when I was so vulnerable. Still am, although that was the first day so it was worse as the feelings were so strong, and I was so afraid.
Thanks for reading :)
Rising_Phoenix
