Therapist Reaction When Telling Them Something Hard

[Cleo6]

Yeah it's the first planned one and are the biggest ones. I've written it down and am gonna give it to her as I don't think I'll be able to say it all and I need to get it out. She's been good so far I'm just worrying as she thinks I'm doing well and when she reads this she will realise that I'm not I just hide it well.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

Yeah it's the first planned one and are the biggest ones. I've written it down and am gonna give it to her as I don't th...

@Cleo6 Good for you, I wrote it down too for the same reason, the only place so far I have even talked about it was in the hospital, and a little since with my therapist. But I started the same way for the same reason. I wrote it down. My therapist was real good on my intake as when she asked the question did I have an abuse, I started shutting down, she let it go, and I wrote it down in pieces afterwards and gave it to her. Whatever it takes, as long as your moving forward and not backwards.

 

[Cleo6]

thank you. My t has never asked me any questions about abuse. I wish she would of done as then I wouldn't need to start from scratch

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

for me the questions was part of my intake on first day. My T is not trained in abuse, and defers that to qualified T's

 

[Panda Bear]

Never phased by what I share, he isn't shocked by any if it. He does have feelings around what I've told him. If it's bad....really bad, he said been visibly shaken and sad by what he's hearing . Once he started to tear up while I was sharing. He will verbalize distress, protection, sadness, hurt etc. usually as a means to be a reflection of what is a normal response to my trauma, as I've struggled in the past to have an accurate reaction to what I've experienced. Now that I can do it on my own, he's more likely to still reflect it with me, but he'll be more and more protective and sad.

 

[Bristol]

@Cleo6 i wrote mine down and told her at the start i had it so we talked around it and i left if with her when i left the session then we faced it on the next one so i didnt have to see her face when she found out just another suggestion

 

[Deleted member 34328]

@Cleo6 how are today?

 

[Cleo6]

went to my session she seemed more distant than normal. She brought her phone in an it kept vibrating she looked at it trying to turn it off and she apologised saying she doesn't know why she brought it in. She said that last session I'd said about there's stuff I've missed out and I said I'd hoped she'd forgotten and she laughed and said sometimes she does. She got my notes out and said she had been looking through them and noticed gaps. She started talking about my ex and I told her stuff I'd missed out on that and I that also included stuff about my mum. I looked at the clock and it was gone half way through session so I decided I'd have to give her the letter now or not at all so I got it out of my pocket and told her to read it in one go. She said something about how bad people can be then I clarified the next bit as she read it as my dad then there was a bit where she couldn't read my writing. She took some notes then she gave the letter back. She said she presumes the kids don't know I self harm and I said no they are always asleep. I said about i like it it helps and she muttered something like she knows it can. The whole time she didn't look at me. It's like I've made this big mistake telling her. She said that we will talk through the abuse stuff slowly

 

[Deleted member 35429]

went to my session she seemed more distant than normal. She brought her phone in an it kept vibrating she looked at it t...

I have had a similar experience. When you share something traumatic for the first time you are often reliving the feelings and sensations and deeply afraid and hypervigilant of any sense of rejection or disapproval, dismissiveness.

I would experience derealization in session and his behavior would seem so bizarre and I was sure he was uncomfortable and avoiding topics of trauma. He would seem to completely change and be distant. It took lots of therapy sessions to discuss these sessions to where I was convinced he wasn't being callous and uncaring. I needed therapy for my therapy for months. I've come to realize that a lot of this is my internalization of my trauma and how much intense transference there is for me in therapy.

I'm not sure if this is true for you or if she really was as awkward and distant as you describe but my assumption is you were experiencing a tremendous amount of anxiety and PTSD that clouded your perception a bit.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

I had a somewhat different experience when I first started talking about what happened to me with my therapist, she listened, wrote down stuff, but in the end she let me know that she is not trained in abuse, and referred me to life crisis center who specializes in abuse for the abuse stuff, while letting me know she will be there for me to help me with coping.

A lot of therapists are not trained in PTSD or abuse, but they try to take this kind of work on when a client discloses.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

I think there may be some of both going on.

I do wonder based on some of what you said ie the cell phone in the office - distracting her...if perhaps she is in the process of processing this information herself. I think it's very possible she's wondering what the best approach is to help you.

The other side is that yes, your PTSD is completely overwhelming you. You've spent a week in anticipatory anxiety, are fatigued and plagued with all the memories of the past. That's huge. I'm sorry that she wasn't more sympathetic or verbalized more to you. I tend to be very hypervigilant when something has occured in session. I know my T doesn't take it personally even when I've lashed out at him in anger over something he wanted me to do.

I do hope for your sake and hers that there remains openess and honesty between you. I truly hope you don't personalize it and feel personally rejected by her responses. This probably has nothing to do with you and your disclosing to her was the right thing to do. You did well. Keep reminding yourself of that!

Try to keep your head up.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

I seem to notice many of the T's mentioned are male, mine is female, it has to be, I can't trust a male therapist., part of my hypervigilance. I do find it a bad thing for a T to be using your time for his business on his cellphone. My therapist would never do that. With her a clients time is sacred so much so she was always in with a client and undisturbable when SP was trying to reach her to get me in there.