General Things To Know When Dealing With PTSD (As a Carer)

[Tinyflame]

Thanks sisu. That helps.

To hear one's name, as far as post FB's, or dissociation.

Only once had a FB, then saw a familiar face and felt less freaked out, though not oriented.
The other people around were 'familiar' too (technically), but looked like strangers.
So maybe it's trust?

 

[Tinyflame]

I cannot hear (other sounds/ voices) during a FB.

 

[zulu4sweet]

This thread is amazing! How I wish I would have found this forum years ago. I was learning the hard way. Thank you all for such important information and obvious support of each other.

 

[krikkit]

Just give them hugs if you know the nature of the PTSD flashback - If it's something like car crash or natural disasters, hugs can be comforting,

I agree with most of your post, but I did want to point out that if you are able, it may be a good idea to ask a sufferer if touching them is O.K. They may not know, or it may depend on the circumstances. The car accident I was in involved being trapped inside of the wreckage. I cannot handle feeling like I am being held, trapped, or restricted. It's the fastest way to escalate me from panic to hysteria. It may be very comforting to some PTSD sufferers, but we are all a little different, too.

 

[Pebbles]

I am at the end of page 4 of this thread and this is so wonderful to hear from both sides.

It is helping me cope with my bf's need for space right now...even though we are just friends as of today as that is all he can handle.

I remember that he told me he doesn't understand "labels" when talking about being "girlfriend/boyfriend", which really hurt me. Now I understand that what he was really saying was that he can't handle the pressure of the closeness as that is overwhelming.

He did tell me it was all just too much. I didn't understand at the time, but I now realize that it really is overwhelming and he really can't deal with it right now.

Thank you all so much....the support is wonderful here.

 

[Bluenow]

Thank you so much for this thread..it is helping me understand why my grandson doesn't want to talk....this is such a learning process as a carer... and this site really helps me..Thank you again..

 

[HLC3412]

I cant express how much this site has helped me understand PTSD and to not feel like I'm losing my mind in my relationship. Some of the symptoms I'm reading about fit my boyfriend to a "t"! I just don't know how to progress in a relationship if you constantly need to give someone time and space. I love my boyfriend to death, through thick and think no matter what happens. But I'm worried that at any given time, no matter how good things are, that he will just give up on us. Any advice??

 

[celia]

• It is normal for a sufferer to socially withdraw
• Eliminating stress often greatly assists a sufferer
• Crowds, shopping centres and social events can be too much for a sufferer to deal with, especially when untreated
• From what I have seen the more a sufferer invests in healing themselves the greater chance they have of having a reasonably normal life
• Video games and tv are a common way of escaping from reality
• Someone whose trauma came from violence like war may actually find comfort in watching war movies or playing war games...weird I know
• Some sufferers cannot work as their PTSD affects their ability to interact with other people
• Having an interest, as with anyone, seems to assist a sufferer more so rather than them getting bored and possibly further depressed by having no purpose

Hi there, This is amazinglingy helpful to me. It makes me feel like I'm not alone. You are right on with this. I have said yes to all of these as behaviors displayed by my boyfriend, every single one

 

[celia]

Between Nicolette and Kaydee and peachykehn, I have learned so much. I have made lots of mistakes in handling my sufferer. Like chatting about my stressful day...the trust issue etc.

There's one point also I would like to add...when they are suffering...they will turn their thoughts and emotions on you almost like blaming you for trust issues for example or saying I have emotional problems and am unstable or I'm the reason my life isn't "together".... Wow, I'm really getting clarity.

I don't know if I can live like this...its an eggshell world. I love him, but all I can hear is crunch crunch crunch.....

 

[Dropkick_Molly]

• It is normal for a sufferer to socially withdraw
• Eliminating stress often greatly assists a sufferer
• Crowds, shopping centres and social events can be too much for a sufferer to deal with, especially when untreated
• From what I have seen the more a sufferer invests in healing themselves the greater chance they have of having a reasonably normal life
• Video games and tv are a common way of escaping from reality
• Someone whose trauma came from violence like war may actually find comfort in watching war movies or playing war games...weird I know
• Some sufferers cannot work as their PTSD affects their ability to interact with other people
• Having an interest, as with anyone, seems to assist a sufferer more so rather than them getting bored and possibly further depressed by having no purpose

I'm glad you mentioned video games. When my husband and I first moved in together, I didn't understand what was going on. He would stay up for days on end playing Halo, or some other war-related game. I used to get angry and complain, but began to realize that it was his way of dealing with stress, without destroying something or taking it out on me. He also rides a motorcycle, so in the summer, if he needs to "go for a ride", I have come to learn that doesn't mean he wants to avoid me, he just needs to clear his head.

 

[BigBear]

... I just don't know how to progress in a relationship if you constantly need to give someone time and space... But I'm worried that at any given time, no matter how good things are, that he will just give up on us. Any advice??

HLC,

Progress in a PTSD relationship - It's always and necessarily slow.

Might walk away at any time - I like to think of PTSD sufferers as coming in 3 basic flavors. Unstable, Untreated, and Able to sustain a reasonable relationship.

Unstable is not what you think. The truly unstable are going to have tendencies toward becoming abusers. They are a danger to themselves and to anyone in a relationship with them. This forum is basically for people suffering from stable PTSD. You would be hard pressed to find an unstable sufferer here. They need help that we can't give here. The best that you can do for one of them is get them to seek serious help.

Untreated - If a PTSD sufferer is refusing treatment, they do not need to be in a relationship with anyone, IMO. Sometimes, the relationship precedes the PTSD. Then the Supporter is already vested in the relationship and there can be as much damage to the supporter in undoing the relationship as in continuing. Ask many of the military wives. Things get dicey fast! The best thing to do is not to vest in the relationship but to instead vest in the cure... Once they are in treatment, relationship can (not will) become possible.

Will he give up on give up on you anyway? - Might. It has been known to happen. But then ask your self this... How often do divorces happen among people who (theoretically) have no psychological problems. In some ways, I think the PTSD marriages have an advantage. The chance to fight together to beat the enemy (PTSD) makes real good glue!

This of course is all just opinion (and not particularly well educated opinion at that). Hope it helps...

Bear

 

[Jen93]

Sometimes when a sufferer looks fine and is simply staring straight ahead- they are dissociated and acutely aware of what is going on around them. (Meaning that they realize they're in a public place, but they're still dissociated and they know it'd be weird to draw attention to themselves for not knowing what's going on). If the sufferer has that far off stare, as if they're daydreaming or in a trance, ask them if they are okay, and tell them what they were just doing. Often they won't be able to hear voices that aren't specifically directed at them during this time; so make sure to direct it to them. Example "Jen? Are you okay? Listen to the teacher. We're learning about blank and we're at blank." or "Did you hear the last bit? We're doing blank at blank."

Sometimes things tend to "morph" for me during dissociation/flashbacks. (People "morph", Rooms "morph.) Example: My best friend now is sitting in the same position my best friend then was sitting in during the trauma, she turns into my trauma-best friend. My classroom now turns into my classroom then. I'm hearing two lectures go on at once. So, if you talk to them, and they look blank or confused DO introduce yourself. "My name is blank. I met you when blank."

It saves us a lot of embarrassment over having to uncomfortably sit through a conversation with someone we sort of know but don't. When we realize that these people bring on flashbacks and dissociation, to have you understand without us saying so also releases the fear that you'll leave us or think we're crazy.