As a sufferer (which, while awkward, seems to be this forum's shorthand for someone with PTSD), a few other points that I don't think have been (adequately) addressed:
- Every case of PTSD is different. Every person with it is different, too. While you can draw some generalities, you should be aware that advice and/or issues here may or may not apply.
- Most of the advice for carers, family members, and so on assumes that they weren't the ones responsible for the trauma which resulted in an individual having PTSD. This is not always the case, especially in cases where the trauma is related to abuse -- domestic or otherwise. Needless to say, things get a lot more complicated when this assumption isn't true.
- "I love you" and the like can easily be triggering in cases of abuse-related PTSD, especially if the abusing individual(s) used the phrase to justify harmful or traumatizing conduct.
- The concept of boundaries is often oversimplified in discussion and used as a catch-all for "things I don't like" or "things I'm not willing to tolerate". This is not really appropriate -- there are a variety of types of relationship issues, and not all are created equal. A boundary is a limit, and deals with how your space, your property, and so on. Someone leaving, retreating, or walking away cannot, by definition, be a boundary violation. This is especially true if they are doing so to defend themselves in the face of your boundary violations. Remember: The core of a boundary violation is violation... and, frankly, intrusion.
- Boundaries are really f*cking important. It's been said before, but I do think it needs to be repeated -- preferably in every post.
- There is a huge difference between being supportive and being pushy or demanding. As lines go, it's an important one -- be careful not to cross it.
- Similarly, there is a huge difference between being willing to listen and prying. It's been mentioned above, but needs to be repeated.
- Seeking help, therapy, or the like may actually not be a good idea, depending on circumstances, the nature of the trauma, demographic variables, and the local professional community. Take me, for instance: as a disability rights activist and psych professional (before the whole "PTSD" thing became a factor), I'm well aware of and have spent quite a bit of time documenting a local semi-underground industry in my area dedicated to depriving people with certain disabilities of their civil liberties for profit. This would be less immediately terrifying if I didn't actually have one of those disabilities.
- Plans are important -- and sometimes the only way someone with a stress-related illness (not just PTSD) can accomplish something. I, for one, will often get pretty damned invested in my plans... and watching them fall apart due to well-meaning interference can be correspondingly traumatic. (See boundary violations, above).
- It often helps if you warn someone of changes, events, or intrusions well in advance.
- In the case of intrusions, ask first. Also, do so well in advance, without pressuring... and (learn to) take no for an answer. Being able to know that I can count on someone to respect my boundaries is tremendously reassuring. Being forced to defend them, by contrast, is tremendously stressful.
- Do not make decisions on their behalf "for their own good"... especially if their trauma was related to abuse (in which case there's a damned good chance it's a trigger on top of being a typical boundary violation).
- Be careful not to make promises you can't keep.
Now that I'm done indirectly telling you far more about my traumas and experiences than I'm really comfortable with, I suppose I can get into addressing a few points/questions that were brought up earlier.
A while back (about five years ago, from the datestamp, but...), cyanide asked about the whole "appreciation vs. space" thing. I address it somewhat above, but should probably add that it's worth noting that it doesn't actually mean anything in a concrete sense. Someone who's having a flashback (or even recovering from one, really) isn't going to be living in a world of abstractions and (that sort of) feelings -- they'll be in (and, frankly, overwhelmed by) far, far more immediate and concrete matters.
"I'm here for you", by contrast, is comparatively more concrete -- and thus could easily be far more reassuring (but see my point about generalities above). A reminder of where they are and what is going on may be still more helpful under circumstances where that's relevant.
Tangentially, I'm not exactly fond of the PTSD cup article referenced above, or at least how it defines "good stress". I'd more refer to that as "daily stress", "routine stress", or "normal stress". "Good stress", to my mind, is the stress from things like (in an extreme example) winning the lottery... but, well, this is getting into semantics. I think I have more than enough here to post.
