Triggered by... my clothes

[Upside Down Eagle]

Yippee! I got another trigger.

In December it was tight underwear which was triggering me all the time. It was horrible, couldn't wear any normal underpants -but then I got over it miraculously. Triggers have a way of replacing themselves with new ones though... so now it's my bra that I can't handle.

It's the friction against my skin which makes it unbearable, sets off all the bad images I've been wanting to keep out. Shirts also mean friction. So you'd think that wearing no clothes altogheter makes it better, but it doesn't -being naked is pretty much another trigger.

I love the way PTSD works, canceling out pretty much all available options. I've taken to wear an elastic bandage around my torso to eliminate all the friction, but it's hard to hold it in place. I feel like a lunatic. Am I the only one experiencing this or is it more common than I think?

 

[WillyKat]

Ever heard of Coyote the Trickster? She /he is a native American anti-hero, always causing mischief, difficult to understand, etc. I think PTSD is a lot like that.

I don't have any issues with clothes.

I was struck by the idea that your triggers come and go to be replaced by new ones. I'm not sure I've ever had one that disappeared.

 

[arfie]

Clothes are not among my triggers, but my triggers do the morph action. Electric lights are my current series. I make peace with one type of electric light source and another sneaks its evil, shadow-casting glare into my comfort zone. Sigh. What's a nutbag to do?

I build my tolerances when I am strong enough and remember the source when I need to use avoidance. Thicker curtains. Elastic bandages. Whatever gets me through the night.

 

[Crow88]

yeah I can relate! Yesterday I changed my clothes about eight times and still wasn't comfortable... sucks big time! My friend wears a onesie when she's feeling triggered- humour seems to ease the trigger for her.

 

[Hashi]

There's a part of my body that was a focus for being tormented during trauma, and I've had times when it has been incredibly hard to stand the feeling of anything in friction with that part of my body, however light - underclothes. clothes, even my own arm brushing against it. Once when someone gave me a friendly goodbye kiss they brushed slightly against that part of me and I felt nausea and helplessness running through all my veins.

Being naked didn't help either, because that was another association with it. In fact, it was worse in some ways. And, of course, impossible in many situations.

So avoidance tactics weren't an option. Instead, I really had to focus on separating the past from the present, awareness that this touch now was different. And then distraction, as much as possible.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

incredibly hard to stand the feeling of anything in friction with that part of my body, however light - underclothes. clothes, even my own arm brushing against it.

That's exactly what I mean, just touching those parts also makes me recoil. I'm glad I'm not the only one though. Separating the past from the present is being a constant theme in my life, not just when it comes to my body, but also the images I keep seeing. But sometimes I just can't do it yet. Like yesterday I went to college for distraction but I kept feeling the friction and felt like puking.

My friend wears a onesie when she's feeling triggered- humour seems to ease the trigger for her.

Haha nice. I think a onesie would still trigger me though, anything that allows for friction actually does. I guess it's my brain that needs a reset, it has been needing a reset since a long, long time anyway...

I was struck by the idea that your triggers come and go to be replaced by new ones.

Yeah, they do like Arfie's. I'm not sure whether it's better than having "static" ones. I mean it's a relief when one has left, but then the new one comes around and you immediately have to come up with a bunch of new strategies, as the old ones don't work anymore...

 

[Crow88]

Sometimes there's just this immensely painful feeling like my skin is crawling all over and nothing, NOTHING feels comfortable... but then no clothes at all makes me feel ashamed and sick. Sometimes it's like you can't win. So frustrating and upsetting. I really feel for anyone who goes through this...

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Well, I bought the most expensive sports bra ever. It's elastic so I won't be needing those bandages anymore that kept sliding off anyway. Hopefully this thing lives up to it's monetary worth...

@Crow88, yeah I get that too. It's so maddening, it just makes me want to set stuff on fire. If only that were a solution :wacky:

 

[Anarchy]

Sorry about the thread necromancy...

I think I experienced something like this today. I used to get a cold, embarrassed and very naked feeling before I was 10 years old. up until late 20s I knew that it could be triggered by any contact with my nipples, so I wouldn't let my partners near them (I'm male...). Then a long term girlfriend crossed that boundary and the naked feeling wasn't triggered, it was pleasant.

chatting with a (non sexual) friend during a long drive today, and the friend let me know they were getting irritated with the line I'd taken in the conversation, that put me in a vigilant and paranoid mood, My shirt moved as I was driving, and that cold, naked, exposed feeling emerged again.

I have no conscious memories or evidence of any sexual abuse, but I had learned to dissociate and to emotionally flash back, certainly by the age of 4, so I'm keeping an open mind for what the causes may have been.

Is my description of that feeling something which you can relate to?

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Hey @Anarchy , that's okay :-)

Yeah the nipple thing sounds familiar. I don't get a cold feeling but it used to be more of a feeling of invasion.
Of being touched without wanting to be touched. Even if it's just innocent clothes.

Since then I discovered that it is about focus. All triggers are about hyper-focus, really. If your brain isn't set on being vigilant (keeping an eye on whether anything touches your nipple or not, so to speak) you might not even notice it. Back in the winter I had it so bad I couldn't even wear bras because the friction would send me into anxiety.

Now I just try to take a really deep breath in, expand myself, and focus on something else, rather than letting my brain suck me into anxiety.

I don't have any memories of that type of abuse either but I do have some rather weird flashbacks and nightmares regarding that topic so I'm not disregarding it as a possibility.

 

[Anarchy]

Hi Radise,
thanks for the grounding technique.

Your description certainly fits, my hypervigilence was triggered, even though we've been close friends for about 25 years, and she's demonstrated time and again that she is reliable and trustworthy.

Hey @Anarchy I don't have any memories of that type of abuse either but I do have some rather weird flashbacks and nightmares regarding that topic so I'm not disregarding it as a possibility.

Yes, likewise. I'm not ruling anything out. I'm busy reading Judith Herman's "Trauma and recovery" and I've only recognized this afternoon that I have experienced short periods of dual consciousness. I used to enjoy Philip K Dick stories (the novels which were the basis for the fims Blade Runner, Total Recall, Minority Report etc, in which no one was certain if their memories were real and even whether they were humans or androids) With the obvious exception of finding out that I'm an android, I never dreamt that I'd be discovering that sort of wierd sh!t in my own past. I was speaking to my ex a couple of days ago, and she said she has been told several times that she displays signs of having been sexually abused (she really does suffer with it), but she has no memories of abuse either. I'm actually prepared now for the possibility of some really sh!tty memories to surface.

thanks again :)

ps. are you still going flying? my friend is a really keen pilot.

 

[Karen12]

I've taken to wear an elastic bandage around my torso to eliminate all the friction, but it's hard to hold it in place. I feel like a lunatic.

When I read that I actually thought it was a pretty clever alternative, not lunacy. Would a camisole or very loose sports-bra-like top under your clothes help? Silk moves over skin pretty well.