Unrelenting critical voice

[canucklady]

I have this inner critical voice just won't let up, used to be able to block it out. Almost like it is sabotaging all progress have made in therapy.

I am not sure what to do

Also been diagnosed with DDNOS and Complex PTSD, seems like such a struggle all the time

 

[Nam]

I'm writing to say I understand but I have no idea how to stop it. There are times that it is "nicer" and becomes part of a healthy inner dialog. But when it gets bad, it's loud and very convincing. It can cripple me no matter what the past performance may have been. My emotions get all tied up in it and when I get just a hint of something negative, I completely believe the critic and spiral into a deep pit of negativity. I wish I knew how to stop it. I wish it would disappear. Or at least be nice.

 

[Digz]

I too have suffered a very critical voice, completely unrelentless. I have been diagnosed with PTSD and DID. I found my critical part was the part of my that was extremely hypervigilant and very angry. I have managed to lessen it over time, but it was very hard.
I guess the best things I did was to not 'attach' to the critical voice. So if it said, "You're so dumb" or "You're disgusting", I would respond by thinking, "That's the 'I'm dumb story' again" - in this way I recognise that it's just a thought, it's not true and was probably born long ago. Sometimes that might be all you need to do, or sometimes you can do some kind of 'mothering' and reassurance that disproves it - e.g. "Dumb people don't go to university, I went to university" or whatever your truth is. I found this second part, however, in the early days (because I have separate personalities, so to speak) ended up provoking that critical part into arguing with me or disproving me. I found it better to just acknowledge it as a 'story' and let it slide by, without giving it any credit. It is only when we start believing our thoughts that it makes us feel bad.
You can use this strategy with any re-occurring negative thought that makes you feel horrible. I have a 'I want to die' reoccurring story I use it for also.
Hope it helps. :)

 

[Friday]

I mock it. Poke fun at it. It wants to pony up one option? I can do better :D Helps me put things in perspective.

Random example: It's all gonna end in tears gets trumped with bloodshed, plague, loss of life & limb, angry mobs, leeches, asteroids hurtling from the sky, etc. Or: and my eyeballs will fall out, and I'll be blind with a too short seeing eye dog who doesn't like me (suicidal beagle, most likely), trapped on a bridge...Lol... The possibilities are endless.

The itty bitty shitty committee is all about losing perspective. Making this one thing seem huge. So I smack it down with some totally bizarre never gonna happen consequences. The feelings the critical voice lays at my doorstop are just as ridiculous. So I like to fight fire with fire. All of a sudden I can laugh at myself. Okay. So you're ugly, or stupid, or whatever. Not that big a deal.

<grin>

You're ugly.... Children will cry, and mothers run screaming. People will in fact turn to stone and melt like wax. The earth itself will groan in protest, streets bucking, buildings collapsing.

You're so f*cking stupid you can't even fill out this paper... Which means the people at the Nobel Laureate committee will undoubtedly commit mass suicide in grief you will never be able to join their ranks. You're 3rd grade teacher publically apologizing on the news for how she failed in her profession.

 

[ghotiff]

Great thread.

itty bitty shitty committee

I love that description.

Would you be kind enough to give me the ridiculous extreme of "you're weak and pathetic" ...as I've become more aware of this voice I realise that some part of me believes it and I struggle to ignore it. Interestingly it comes up when I start to feel an emotion..so it's critical of my "emotional weakness"..that I feel something rather than my standard nothing. (Therapy has caused me to start feeling things).

 

[SabrinaB]

Recognizing that inner voice is not you is a huge step that should be applauded!! It's surprising how many people are controlled by these thoughts, completely unaware that they're even there.

I've been practicing mindfulness for many years and can't imagine living with PTSD without the skills I've acquired. Through this I've gotten better at catching these thoughts and letting them go without attaching to them. Sometimes I visualize them floating off into the horizon like a balloon. I'm committed to treating myself kindly and compassionately, despite having similar thoughts, and I've found it's gradually getting easier over time.

 

[Friday]

Would you be kind enough to give me the ridiculous extreme of "you're weak and pathetic" ..

LOL... <grin> It really is like the Harry Potter "Riddikulus Spell" for boggarts/fears.

It just works better if you can find the funny inside of yourself. What counteracts.

The barbed wire wrapped around my fears? Will be in different places, cut me up differently, than they do anyone else. S'what negative self talk is at its core: fears given life. Sometimes for so long they're fears made certainty. Beliefs instead of fears. My "ugly" for example, once was a "so nobody will love me". That's long out the window. Lots of people will love me regardless of how ugly I am. Did the ugly thing go away in the face of piles of evidence? Of course not. That would be too easy. So the solid fear has become about affecting other people negatively. ( I know, probably sounds loopy. ) Added into that is by affecting people negatively, I'm gonna miss out on lives & loves & experiences. What is riddikulus version of affecting others? People running and screaming in horror. An Indiana jones arc of the covenant opening. Yah. That's bad. What's worse? So ugly even intimate objects run screaming? Play! We can do that! Earthquake time! Also ties into my missing out of stuff. Hard to enjoy a city -or anyplace really- that's just fallen into a lava filled trench. Not a lot of fun to be had there, ya know?