What could be going on with me???

[Capo117]

Hi,
I've been dealing with an issue for a number of years now. I've been constantly repeating these thoughts and memories in my head and it seems the more i try to get rid of them the worse i get. I'm on guard way too often i keep a knife strapped to me/I startle really easily that never used to happen and i still toss and turn at least two hours before i can go to sleep for an hour or two it seems. I went from being the calmest person i know to having a hairline anger trigger even a car horn seems to send me into a rage. I have other symptoms like i have a panic attack if i walk by a certain building but i don't know why but i am really worried about this one; I started getting these memories a year or two ago where i see these couple incidents (Multiple fatalities) sometimes flash in my mind intrusively but other times it feels like i'm there and when i snap back a half hour easily went by. I don't understand what i'm going through i just really want to put a name on what i'm going through because i have never sought any help for this. I'm just too afraid to admit anything is or feels seriously wrong except in this type of setting.

 

[Deadman]

i have never sought any help for this

That really has to be your first step. Nobody here can diagnose you.

 

[hithere]

you may have ocd. I would look for a specialist who really knows OCD (doesn't just say they do! Real verifiable experience and education) OCD is really weird and it has similarities to PTSD. Try to find a specialist in OCD and also PTSD. I wish you the best.

 

[Keen]

Sounds like it could be OCD, GAD, PTSD, or a combination. Don't worry, a therapist will not think you are weird or crazy, they deal with this stuff. Just be honest and explain your experiences and they may be able to help you.

 

[ladee]

I really hope you overcome what ever is holding you back from getting help. This is a horrible way to live. Your symptoms could be a lot of things... and as @Deadman said, we can't diagnose... it could send you down a path that only wastes time,money and effort... I have a lot of the same symptoms....
Do you mind me asking what type work you do? You do not have to answer if you don't want to...
Reaching out was a good thing to do, you are heard... and we really hope you seek out help to find out what is going on....

 

[Fadeaway]

Sounds like hypervigilance to me.