I was thinking about this, that if things stay the same after effort, it's better just to accept it and (for me) to live differently. Like, if you don't have dignity, well, who cares? My problem has been (trying) to live like that when it's not meant to be, maybe that's how it is for some people? So just accept it. Like there's a pervy person at work, they never addressed or fixed anything, so I go through it every day. It stopped being 'a thing' to me when I just accepted it will happen every day. Not to say it isn't easier if there is a day I don't have to, like atm, but, well, I tried, it didn't help. Time to live the way I am stuck with and not expect anything else. Yes. 'Not' live like the other-half lives. Then nothing is expected, nothing is disappointed, nothing is hoped for or expected to be different. If I'm a freak, I might as well make the most of it!
I'm thinking about how much I miss my family n how much I wish my sister was still alive. Living on one's own is a bit lonely and it is gonna take me a while to get used to living alone, and I was thinking it would be so much easier if my sister were still here.
Was going to write a self-pitying rant, but have neither the energy or desire. Suffice it to say my life has been all of what I didn't want and none of what I did, or what I'd live for. Due to choosing badly, or choosing the 'right' thing. And all that is around me is death, and dead people, and reminders of it and trauma. Now what? Little late to salvage anything, what a joke as someone said.