What Is On Your Mind Right This Second?

Rosebud

MyPTSD Pro
I was thinking of how a couple of days ago I asked a relative if she'd mind evening-out my bangs (a great hairdresser taught her that years ago), we can't go to hairdressers here. Said 3 times only the bangs, as II give hair for kids' wigs, takes at least 14 months to grow. Sweep, swoop-she cut off the back. I said Thanks so much (~genuinely as one can be when nothing is respected, of course). (?) 😕 Said well maybe it was too fuzzy anyway, she said no it wasn't at all. 😕 (??) Ultimately sorry I didn't just chop my own as usual.
 

enough

MyPTSD Pro
right this second I am here to try to get my mind off my stomache- I ate a home-made pickle that was waaaaay too salty, no one else swallowed, I am sooo sorry I did now. Trying to be nice, now trying to contain my innards. Like a pup that drank saltwater at the beach for the first time.......it will pass........
 

Rosebud

MyPTSD Pro
Thinking of hearing talk of blame that passes, and to have hope. But I don't have blame, it just feels abandoned in my greatest need, which is just -reality, is that the word? I don't think that has to do with forgiveness, there is no acknowledgement of it, just hearing words that don't match, that aren't really directed to or applicable to me anyway, not the positive ones. To me, that also just signifies one choosing it to be over, and the other (I) agree based on their choice and choose the same based on it. It's over anyway when abandoned in my mind, and yes, I believe adults can be, or there would never be concepts of turning toward, care, or honesty, or acknowledging one another's greatest needs or priorities. I asked for that consideration, it would have helped. I don't usually ask. But received turning away or turning against. Not just currently but in times of greatest loss and also sometimes in times of greatest fear and danger. That is what I think, or feel. And I am very tired. I feel relieved to see/ experience the truth. I know there were times that weren't, but they were the past. Someone said to me, 'they don't care and never did'. I guess they were right.
 
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