Who Even F*cking Cares. Who Is Proud Of Me. Nobody Apparently.

[Zipperhead]

One of the tings I have noticed is that when people do acknowledge what we have done, they tend to ask questions. And some questions don't have answers I'm willing to share with strangers (or most people I know). I'm starting to get over the appearant lack of understanding from our society because every time someone does acknowledge what I have done, it tends to be ackward. Better to be a wall flower than the centre of attention.

 

[Afghanmadman52nd]

I agree zipper. Had a guy walk up to me in my m-65 field jacket at a bar one time about a week after I got home. He says; "you in the Army?" I said yep I was. He asks; "Where were you deployed" I say Afghanistan. Then he asks the dumbest f*ckin question I've ever heard in my life; "You kill anybody over there" I respond with "You ever stick a banana up your ass buddy? He says; WHAT??! I say :thats a pretty personal question to ask a stranger and I dont feel like answering it, thats the last question you wanna ask someone who has been to war. Have a little respect." He apologised and ended up buying me a drink. :D

Spc. Dave

 

[Sarg]

They're just totally ignorant of what happens in a war zone. They think they've seen enough war movies on tv that they know what it is, but they just don't get it. They don't know what it's like staring down the business end of a gun barrel, aimed by someone trained to hate you and do it over and over and over again.

They don't know being too fed up with killing people after you've killed too many already. They don't understand sick all the way to the core with all of it.

And, most importantly, they don't know having to live with all of it for the rest of your life.

And, in some strange way, I'm thankful they don't know or understand.

Sarg

 

[Afghanmadman52nd]

Me too bro, I'm very thankful for a whole lot.

Spc. Dave

 

[jackrabbit]

Guilt is some of the worst part. I'd keep the nightmares, and hyper vigilance, and a lot of the other shit if the guilt would just go away for good.

The funny thing is, as far removed from action as I am now, it is clear how ridiculous the guilt is. We're just looking for ways to punish ourselves as a replacement for emotions that we can't or don't know how to feel.

People care about you, brother. Lots of people. But convincing yourself that you're isolated and alone is just another form of that irrational self hate.

 

[AfricaVet]

Oh how I can relate to you. Guilt is the one thing I carry everywhere. For years that turned into working 16 hours a day trying to save everyone else. Overachieving and getting so tired I could actually sleep. 20 years later it hit me and I now know that I can't save everyone. Now what? The only people who can relate are others who've been there. Returned to OEF as a civilian last year and slept like a baby. It is almost like I trust my enemy more than civilians, including my family.

 

[combatgoldfish]

I came back and within a week no one had cared that I had been in a war zone for a year. My mother doesn't understand and we only talk once a year. My father is a retired police officer that worked as a crime scene investigator. I would have assumed he'd understand a bit about PTSD, but he's completely oblivious.

The PTSD finally came upon me like a freight train, destroying me from the inside out, crumbling a majority of my friendships, and a ten year relationship with the woman I planned on spending the rest of my life with.

Few around me can relate to putting yourself through hell and coming back trying to be the person you once were. That person I was is long gone. I couldn't even begin to explain what I had to do and witness. Honestly, it pisses me off that no one cares, but at the same time I rather that they just leave me the f*ck alone.

 

[Smitty]

It takes more strength and endurance to live a life after seeing what we had, and to come back to a country so shielded and ignorant of what "war" actually is we did what we did to come home, and to help our brothers home, the pride in that they cant take from us know matter how they see us or think of us we are the only, True 1%ers i maybe be unstable with a memory span of 30 minutes but my honor will not fade. and shout out to the eod techs, in my opinion bravest few in the military, i watched over 100 controled blasts, but i allways so see 3 men talk that lonely walk and never come back. somethings in like are not forgivable, or forgettable. THAT is what a civilian will never understand.

 

[Jimmy1]

Smitty, maybe I can say welcome to the forum. I gather from your post you are a veteran so how about going to the intro section and giving us a bit of a heads up to who you are and who you served with.

We have a couple of EOD techs on here.

The civilian will only understand what they here and see. If we were to constantly splatter the news with stories and interviews with veterans, put info on the bottom of beer coasters, and constantly spam the social media they might gain a little understanding, but unless they go there themselves, they will never truly understand.

 

[Raven]

If there was something I could say to make it better, I would say it. However, there is no such "magic word" and I know that most vets don't appreciate the coddling that a lot of civs offer when we decide to unload or vent. So I'll tell you what I want to hear:

That's a tough break. I'm sorry.

And I'm totally late for the party in this thread.

 

[Sarg]

Welcome back, Raven.

Sarg

 

[Zipperhead]

Something's in life are not forgivable, or forgettable. That's kind of my stuck point. Stuck in a hate that I need an outlet for.