Why Do Parents Hate Their Kids?

[Nicolette]

This thread is being monitored by staff. Please remain impartial and respect opinions or it will be shut down as it is skating a fine line....

 

[safenow]

How did you do all that without any support systems?

Raven, I have a book I'd like you to read. I think it can give you some clues that might help. This site or forum if you will, is a really good support for those of us with all types of trauma that end up in PTSD.

Invisible Heroes: Survivors of Trauma and How They Heal" by Belleruth Naparstek.

Some of the exercises in the book are really good. Part 1 is about understanding trauma. I hear you that being a male rape victim sucks. I have a dear friend (male) who was raped by his grandfather while growing up. He really struggles at times. Now, he is doing really well.

One of the chapters deals with the physical effects of trauma and the vicious cycle of kindling, etc. It also covers the emotional effects of trauma and the behavioral effects of trauma.

Part II is all about healing trauma. I really believe you can learn a lot from this material. Why not give it a try? It can't hurt.

 

[safenow]

Your goal first should really be to set reasonable expectations of others, and a therapist can help with that. As can we.

I think what raven has been trying to get through to everyone is that he is not able to find a therapist.

I believe in my heart, this is part of his frustration. People don't listen when he tries to explain why he hasn't been getting any help. It is not that he is not trying. He is just frustrated that he keeps hitting a brick wall.

Just my .02

 

[raven123]

Safenow,

"I think what raven has been trying to get through to everyone is that he is not able to find a therapist. I believe in my heart, this is part of his frustration. People don't listen when he tries to explain why he hasn't been getting any help. It is not that he is not trying. He is just frustrated that he keeps hitting a brick wall."

Yep, that's it exactly.

I'll look up your book.

 

[raven123]

Safenow hit it on the head. I've been working on "recovery" for a long time. I get read this book, read that book, do this, do that. And books are not cheap! I've spent probably $2k on books. Most weren't worth the paper they were printed on. They skimp on details and most of it is some arcane theory no body gives a shit about except them. And, what do I find in the back of 99% of them? See a shrink. Most books for "recovery" are just ads for therapy.

I've spent countless hours doing this, doing that, filling out this form, filling out that form, reading this forum, reading that forum, etc., etc. I see a shrink and I can't even get an accurate diagnosis. We don't know so we'll just throw shit out. Who cares if it's right? We got paid a fortune. I'm so confused about all of it, it is ridiculous. That leads to frustration, anger, etc.

All this is exactly why a lot of men don't seek help, live numb, live cold. Like them, I give up. I'm going to get drunk.

 

[safenow]

I'm going to get drunk.

When I learned I had cancer, on top of everything else I'd been through, I got drunk. In fact, I stayed drunk for most of the 6 months they gave me to live. At the time, it was just what I needed.

Guess what! That was over 40 years ago. I guess those doctor's time is different than my time, eh? Since then, I've been told I was going die three more times. LOL. I guess it's just not my time to go. Yet! (Knock on wood).

Since then I've had good times, and I've had bad times. I hope you have Kindle, cause that way you can get it right away. I'm going to post some stuff from that book on my diary in case you can't afford it right now. Since I've already posted some stuff, I'll give you a link. [DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/how-it-all-began.30110/page-13#post-503393[/DLMURL]

Those are some affirmations. Pick a couple of them, print them out, then hang them on your bathroom mirror and read them every time you go in that room. I recommend you do it out loud. Your ears need to hear the words.

[DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/how-it-all-began.30110/page-31#post-528710[/DLMURL] This contains some inserts from that book. Talk to you soon.

safenow

 

[Philippa]

It is hard to find a therapist, and even harder to find the right therapist. I hear that raven123. I've also had the same struggle with finding a therapist and needed one ages ago but I was in such a bad place that I couldn't work and therefore couldn't afford one.

There are options though, like getting creative and painting and doing your own art therapy. Lots of us here have also not had the best of luck finding a therapist, and I definitely did not have any emotional support during my hard times. Believe me, I see what you are saying raven and I can see my own behavior and the way I would push people away who were trying to help me, but not being very successful or saying the right comforting things, even if their intentions were good.

I have also had to just 'soldier on' with only my skills as an artist to get me through, and to be able to express and validate my own journey through art.

Have you tried getting some paint and brushes and just having it out on some kind of surface...large piece of paper or something else? I guarentee it will help. You don't need to be a creative genius, you just need to take that first step.

 

[Tanishq]

People don't listen when he tries to explain why he hasn't been getting any help.

I have seen this quote: Our most problem will be solved if we talked to one another instead of talking about one another.

This quote does imply those who are asking for help, we will have to give them little time and try to understand. It's not that hard, but people make it look more hard and go away.

 

[raven123]

Pencil, I have no clue what'll help. Other than PTSD, Bipolar, Anxiety Disorder, & DID, I have no clue really what's really wrong. The DID and PTSD I figured out. My psychiatrist added the PTSD. I've seen myself in other disorders. BPD and some personality disorders. They just didn't all fit. I think until I find a shrink who really knows what they are doing,

 

[raven123]

Safenow, Thank you for the stuff. I printed it out. You hit the nail on the head. I don't have a Credit Card so can't get that book. You beat cancer staying drunk for 6 months? Oh, gee, haha. I did read this in the preview:

"Between Numbness and Alarm

...shuttle a limited track between emotional numbness and agitated discomfort. They are either deadened or in a state of anxious alarm or fury. ..The get the worst of both worlds and rarely experience and rarely experience the rich, nourishing and pleasurable sensations of a life worth living." and "...we've known misery so long that goodness and happiness produce shame and unworthiness..."

Sounds like me for the last 15 years (first quote) and the last 40 years (2nd quote).

I have a huge deficit of affection and belonging. For the past 8 years, pretty much no one. Online is great for some things, but it does not replace in the flesh.

 

[Pencil]

Hi Raven

I guess the answer is then: A healthcare professional. Right that's good first step :happy:

From here you can start looking at realistic options, and I KNOW how difficult it is. After many disasters and then some more, I have found a therapist ... but now I can't afford to see her. So I'm not trying to tell you that this is the end of a frustrating journey for you. BUT, having said that, I guess there are a number of things one can do - and many people on this thread have made good suggestions, in the INTERIM.

I've got urgent work to do right now, but I'll be back. Staying in dialogue with others is important. (Trust me, I know how frustrating well meaning advice can be when the other person somehow misses the point or doesn't see your reality, and I may frustrate you as well. ) And, by the way, although I have strong affinity for Christianity, I would NEVER discuss my issues with anyone connected to the church - Catholic, Protestant, Way-out Freaky Cult, whatever.

 

[raven123]

The Albatross, Sorry if I upset you. I'm a really screwed up person that suffers daily. Whatever I had, I've used up to get this far. Got my blood work back and found my stuff is low in a lot of areas. Even my Red blood cells were low. They have never been low in my life. So, all this stuff is affecting my health now. And, my hyperthyroid is getting worse. It was going down after radiation. Now, it's going back up.