Why Do Parents Hate Their Kids?

[Pencil]

I'm just going to keep worrying the thing until it is good and dead

Eleanor, I'm glad to meet a fellow bulldog :)

I love the way you analyze the issue, and I think the points you come up with, explain why I am not convinced, after all that happened and did not happen, that my parents actually hated me. I think hate also requires/demands laser-like focus, and though it is normal for children to perceive their parents as focused on them (children being naturally narcissistic), it is usually not the case.

So, can I try an alternative explanation:

That parents, due to, [a whole variety of reason, including a sense of entitlement] use their children as a receptacle for their own negative emotions, of which hate may be one.

(As a mother, I know that in my really SHIT moments towards my daughter (which does not include anything abusive) I feel frustrated by my own shortcomings, and do not experience any hatred or dislike towards her. )

This is just one possibility, and it may be off the mark. So, worry on ... :)

 

[Pencil]

I suppose it might be possible that what one means by love coming from the experience of abuse, vs. the experience of nurturing, vs. the experience of neglect might be totally different things? Could there be "windows" in emotional development just as there are in physical and perceptual development?

Even though I agreed so emphatically earlier, I would like you to elaborate ... :D

 

[raven123]

Eleanor, I wasn't in the military. I did find a lot of civilians treated us like sh*t because I was a military brat. And, for some reason, it was always the southerners that treated us badly.

 

[Pencil]

I did find a lot of civilians treated us like sh*t because I was a military brat. And, for some reason, it was always the southerners that treated us badly

Raven I live in a country where I am part of a minority group - we speak a different language. We are reviled not only here but all over the world, really. I've seen Hollywood movies where we are depicted as ... anything from stupid to evil. I've had BAD personal experiences. One simply has to not give a damn.

 

[raven123]

Pencil, When you are a badly abused kid looking for friends, that's hard to do. I didn't know they were doing it and why they were doing it. If they weren't doing it, maybe I would've found help in grades 1-4/5. I'm sorry you had the same experience. Want to know something? When I see them lay off teachers where I went to school (I went to a bunch--2 kindergartens, 1--grade 1, 1-grade 2, 1-grade 3/4, 1-grade 5, 1 grade 6-7, 1 grade 8, 1-grade 9-12, that's 9/10 schools), I laugh my ass off and think it's funny.

 

[Pencil]

Raven, where you the only military kid in a civilian school? In that case it is completely different. I went to a school where we all from the same group, so there was obviously no discrimination. For a child to feel singled out can be soul destroying. I'm sorry that happened to you :(

 

[raven123]

Pencil, That's just how they did enlisted military kids. Few got much help unless officer's kids.

 

[Pencil]

Bastards! My father was also in the military and fought in a war, but I think our system works differently to yours - don't the military people live together in 'compounds' or camps or something? Our house was run like an army camp. And there is very little sensitivity or softness or comfort in such an environment which is understandable in a way.

 

[Willie Johnson Jr]

Thanks to everyone who responded. Trying to read through it all.

Hi Raven, I know what you mean, I have been dealing anxiety attacks, depression my whole life. I think now a days had I been born and or raised by someone my life would have taken a whole direction, but I also even if that hadn't of happened the good things that I have going on might have not of happened also. So I plan this week to try to give a shot to seeing someone about PSTD. I didn't know what I was dealing until a year ago when my brother mentioned it to me I looked it up, and the symptom fits my life perfectly. I do feel hope, but it's been very hard especially since I have been dealing with on my own majority of my life, i've been in quite a few relationships, but now on my own things have been really tough, don't even talk to anyone rarely unless I have to. I do remember have some type of life when I was younger, now since being reminded of the things that happened to me when I had moved back around the person who was the cause of it. Things have gotten worser. Now a days I feel I can't live like this, but at I feel a little ray of hope now verses back then when I had no knowledge of what was going on with me. Will definitely see, and get some type of help.

But anyways, how have you been doing and also, are you still seeing someone about PSTD?

 

[raven123]

Mr. Willie, I wish you the best in your recovery efforts with a shrink. Hope you find someone that is good with it. As me, thank you. Therapy is a pipe dream at this point. No money or insurance for it. Only one here that does sex abuse and she turned me down because I couldn't commit for 2 years. LOL Never saw this scam artist and she wants a 2 year commitment. Someone on here offered to pay for 4 visits (thanks again!) and this chick turns me down and says, "you won't benefit." Hell, I just wanted someone to talk to. I don't even know really all that's wrong with me. I'd love to give her the finger. She ain't worth it.

The other day, realizing therapy and recovery is some pipe dream and it made me exhausted in all respects and gave me panic attacks all day, I just decided, f*ck it, I quit. I ain't reading any more self-help shit or websites cause it made me worse. Depression and Panic attacks left. None in 2-3 days. Do what I want, be a robot, build a few more walls, whatever. Life is gonna get what it made me. I no longer give a shit.

 

[HalfGhost]

Hi Raven - I haven't read everything on this tread yet, its too overwhelming for me right now, so hopefully I'm not repeating prior posts.

Just wanted to say that we have lived parallel childhoods and I agree with you about standard therapy. There have been a couple of studies out of Europe that show standard Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to be re-traumatizing in the long term. I've tried every treatment available and the best by far (IMO) is hypnotherapy. I've sent a few friends into this style of treatment and they were all very pleased with the result. Some standard therapy providers are also offering hypnotherapy now, so insurance may cover. Using meditation and energy healing (Reiki and others) works in perfect concert with hypnotherapy. It may seem too far out there at first, but this is the way to wellness IMO.

My first memory of abuse was at 6 months old and by the age of 2 I had severe brain damage delivered by my SD. I've been walking around in a semi coma my entire life until finding these treatments and now expect to be fully functional in about 2 years. Hope that you will try these powerful treatment modalities.

 

[raven123]

Update ******

I found an organization, Together We Heal ran by Dave Pittman, that provides free therapy for male sex abuse survivors. They found me one trauma therapist, over the phone therapy, then she found me another one to do EMDR that's local. I've had two sessions with the first one so far. She's great and knows her stuff. I see the other one on Wednesday. I'm also in the rape crisis program with the Salvation Army working on self-esteem and rape issues with a lay counselor named Shawn.

So, things are looking up. I have a long way to go though.

A big thank you to everyone that has listened to me on here. Of course, if not for my alter Allie, I wouldn't be here. She deserves a lot of credit. That's hard to explain, but it'll be a post on DID issues and sex abuse.