Will I Ever Really Be Me Again??

[KristenEve]

This has been a very hard thing for me to grasp and wrap my head around lately.

Will I ever be me again? What does "me" even mean anymore? Do I even remember who that carefree person was?

Very complicated question....many issues within this seemingly simple question. I existed as "me" before my PTSD. Now I am a "new me". Sometimes I like the "new me", but a lot of times I do not. I wish I could go back to "just me" again. I know I can't dwell on this fact because I can't change what happened. I must accept it. But sometimes I miss "me". I miss the uncomplicated, naive, happy, patient, not angry....ME. Now I'm the "new me" and I'm complicated, guarded, sad A LOT, moody, and angry.

At times I feel completely and utterly lost. People look at me and see the same person they've always seen. And then when I look at me, I see a complete stranger starring back. Me just isn't "me" anymore.

 

[ladee]

Bvery true and very confusing. And as you said, a very complicated answer.
I've been on this journey most of my life. So only have glimpses of the little me. She's still there and she pops out sometimes. Much to my delight and yet consternation for others.
I have learned to not care what others think.
The healing me is strong. That I have no doubt about. The healing me is brave and a risk taker.
Hasnt always been that way. Had to work hard and take a lot of steps back.
But have been empowered to create a new me. One that no one can destroy this time around.
Glad you are here. You will see your other you on this journey and rejoice to see her.
You are not alone and we do understand.

 

[EveHarrington]

Reconciling old you with new you isn't an easy task. :hug:

 

[Wyska]

Gosh, if only I could be the real me too...eventually, I think I will get there and I think a lot of people with ptsd will too. I understand that a lot of us will never be the exact same again, but to have your old, original 'ME' back even a little bit would be amazing I think.

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

We all change from day to day. Our daily activities, interactions, and experiences change us. Therefore, even if you hadn't experienced a trauma, you would still be a different person than you were yesterday or the day before that. So, no, you will never 'get yourself back' - but then, none of us ever will. :)

 

[Deleted member 12723]

You are still you and will also be able to get back some things you might have lost as well.

But you have met a huge chunk of yourself that is a stranger to you. You will keep on getting to know this part of yourself and you have a ways to go until you start feeling more comfortable with the new you. It all takes time and paying attention to yourself.

You will laugh again.

 

[Keen]

This has been a very hard thing for me to grasp and wrap my head around lately.

Will I ever be me...

I can really relate to this. I'm always longing to be the "me" I was before I developed PTSD. But I'm trying to learn to love and accept the new "me." The new you is worth loving, too. Best wishes on learning to be okay with whatever "me" you are, each one is of worth.

 

[JadieRose]

Hi, first time posting! I 100% understand how you feel, I am struggling myself with even knowing who I am anymore. I know I'll never be the same, but I have really bad PTSD after a horrible gang rape 15 years ago - feel like I have just been running on empty for 15 years and just today am introducing myself to my new self. I tried to kill myself about a month ago (three times) and have just been so confused since, on how to find any happiness within myself. Have chronic pain after five major musculoskeletal surgeries just in the past year and half, have gained 85 pounds (always worked out hard in the past to deal, now I can barely walk) and am waiting for my ALJ hearing with SSA in the next couple months (I always worked real hard, too, and used to be so independent...now I had to move in with my parents and they are so dysfunctional I just stay in my room all day with the door closed pretty much). Finding a way to love this new me is very difficult, I've been binge drinking and trying to just not deal. It's so hard to find any good in this new me, but I guess I have to, right?

 

[Leighlee87]

Oh my goodness, I could have written this. Its something I think about and struggle with a lot, nothing my T says helps--usually, it makes it worse.

Who I was before, is very different from who I am now. And no matter how hard I try, I can't get back to being "her". Truth is, I can't. She's gone. She's lost. Trauma has changed her. Time has and would have changed her anyways. All the work being done in therapy is changing her. But the person standing in front of her in the mirror isn't her own, and not someone I'm comfortable being or necessarily like being.

I don't know how to grieve losing her, but I know I do and that it will be a long process. I don't know how to go about deciding who I want to become and then actually "becoming" that person. I don't know how to begin to feel comfortable in this new skin I'm in when I don't feel like it's mine. I want to take it off and go back home so to speak. Moving forward and finding a way to get comfortable and truly feel at home in it is difficult.

 

[KristenEve]

Hi, first time posting! I 100% understand how you feel, I am struggling myself with even knowing who I am anymore. I...

Thinking of you. Hope this new year brings us all some comfort. You've come to a good place here to start being able to express these things. It's a huge help! Guess we all just have to believe we can overcome it.

 

[KristenEve]

Oh my goodness, I could have written this. Its something I think about and struggle with a lot, noth...

Yes that's how I feel as well. It's comforting to know im not alone in this. Thanks :)