Does anyone else feel like a fraud sometimes?

[lostforgottensoul]

I was getting into a hole with this and almost deleted this thread and your replies really make me feel like I'm not out of my mind. I really appreciate the support everybody!

Thats what we're here for! :hug:

it's exactly that feeling that I don't deserve good things. I often talk myself out of gifts and help from others.

I do the same thing. I adore giving gifts but getting them is hard.

 

[Mallaky]

I often talk myself out of gifts and help from others.

Goshdarnit! I just did that and didn't even really notice it until I read your post.

 

[Exedra]

It's hard to explain, but I'll try:

Whenever I try to share my story with others, or at least the piece...

Today was the first time someone listened or believed me, while the trauma? I have only happened in the past seven months it was such a relief. See introductory post. I knew I was having what I call a meltdown (living by TMI appropriate) fueled by the prescription and the loss of one of the few people who I thought would help me thru this maze of bullshit. I talked to friends, family, family doctors, shrinks and lawyers, no one would believe me.
Called my shrink begging him to do something about med he put me on. he said what med? (he was half asleep when I told him my problems) and today after being up since 2:30am EDT after a horrendous nightmare woke me I reached out to a therapist who I had an appointment with three weeks in the future. and they took me in today.
I spilled my guts every heart wrenching detail just spilled too them, everything. Every f---ing detail the trauma(s), the drugs given, the reactions the nightmares, the flashbacks, thoughts of suicide, just spilled my guts to them, every fact that no one would believe or listen too. And went overtime and was finally diagnosed. PTSD when everyone said stress and anxiety you can get over it with a benzo. Thanks Anne! You are more worried about the person than the money.
Tomorrow the sleepy shrink who would only give me a vague GAD or PTSD diagnoses, I have to look it up and push buckets of gabapentin at me. Well guess what Doc you have to wean me off the med you have been giving me, and I am going to ??????&????? and dump you like a bad penny.
I guess I am lucky that someone with empathy for their patients was found so quickly in my case, but I will not tell or talk to anyone else about this hell.

 

[rascal]

Today was the first time someone listened or believed me, while the trauma? I have only happened in the...

I hope this marks the beginning of good things for you @Exedra! It's a tough road and I feel like I've aged 20 years in 3, but keep hangin' in there.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

As a child, both of my parents were constantly accusing me of being a liar, when in fact they were the ones who lied. Thank you for this.

 

[Exedra]

I hope this marks the beginning of good things for you @Exedra! It's a tough road an...

Ha when you turn 50 it turns into dogs years for every one, live life now because you must and must you live.

 

[TheKunBaBa]

I do the same thing. I adore giving gifts but getting them is hard.

@lostforgottensoul
I always have chocolates in my pocket, bag etc. N i keep giving them away to everyone i meet. But its very difficult for me to accept one when someone else is offering. I feel I'm not worth anything, not even a toffee.
I always have my bag with me on my back, feel like someone is with me at all times, as it contains diary, color pencils/pens, chocolates, water bottle, prescriptions, meds(as folks deny anything is wrong with me so i keep them here so that they cant find it or else screaming n verbal emotional abuse start all over again). Gets unbearable.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am in a new awareness of some things that have kept me feeling like a fraud all of my life and and am finally aware and have an answer to deal with now and finally I am in a position to change. I have my work cut out for me and I am going to make a therapy appointment today to get a tune up.

 

[rascal]

I am in a new awareness of some things that have kept me feeling like a fraud all of my life and and am f...

That's awesome @gizmo! I'm excited for you!

 

[TheKunBaBa]

Ha when you turn 50 it turns into dogs years for every one, live life now because you must and must you live.

@Exedra , i dont want to live that long, not even a day more. Lost all hope. When people leave me it affects me the most. N just yesterday one of my dearest friend just left for his hometown 2100 kms away, n he is not coming back. He lived here in the city for almost 8 yrs, worked lived alone, his parents visited him often, ever since i know him i wud meet him every time he had an off day, birthdays, new years, festivals, random celebrations , vacations.. All lost in a second. Even though i went to drop him @ the station, i just couldn't tell him any of my feelings, its very difficult to talk abt them , cant even write them down..just hurts when i read them.
Just like i dont read my own poems , it just keeps reminding me of all n memories hurt.

 

[rascal]

:hug: @TheKunBaBa

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Sometimes I think one of these days a therapist is gonna say "oh come on now, why would your own mother do those things to you? You must be imagining it/crazy/making it up." But they never have, so that has helped me. Deep down I know I'm right. But I still often look on it as "oh, that wasn't me, it was some other girl that stuff happened to." Then under that is a whole thing of "oh s**t, that WAS me." Ugh. It's very upsetting. I don't feel a fraud anymore though. Hugs to you Rascal, these feelings are normal but it doesn't mean you're in any way a "fraud"
:hug: