Complaints About Others

[Rani G2]

However, if a member bothers you (for ANY reason), then put them on ignore.

The healthy ability to ignore others(In flesh bone relationships) means my emotions dont necessarily have to be approved from others, or have my opinions verified. If I unconsciously want that there is needing to act in a certain way so its being contented.

 

[Codladh]

I know one shouldn't use that word, but it succinctly describes how I feel in these situations - retarded....

I know exactly what you mean about feeling retarded (don't like the word either but it fits) ...I couldn't remember the word "paper" in the shop the other day. My brain just turned off and all it was focused on was my path out of there....so I suppose it is doing its job in keeping me safe ,even though there was no danger,....but I guess that is just what PTSD does. I see danger everywhere...so my fear system is easily triggered.

And as my therapist pointed out,without my fear system I wouldn't have survived untill now.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

quite a few times have been my own words that were misread.

Very true! I have issue with words convaying exactly what I am trying to express. And thats where I hate written word.

If you frame what people say on here, or any written only place, as in the best intention possible and then ask others to clarify, also remember we can't mind read, and then ignore anyone that you really can't jive with right now or that you don't get along with or whatever, you won't have much issue here.

I try to remember that my bad emotional responses has to do with me and not the other person and then try to investigate why I am having that response.

 

[Sideways]

If a particular post has set off a huge emotional response for me, I'm trying really hard to use it as a learning curve.

Sometimes it's a simple "don't agree with that" situation. Which I can ignore, or better still, remind myself that disagreement is not just okay, but motivates change and progress. Being able to respect a person I disagree with would be an awesome skill to nail.

But when I have a big internal emotional Yuk! reaction; when I can, I'm trying to get myself to pause, and check in with what's going on for me. Discussion on this forum tends to do that a lot, because of the topics we focus on, and the dysfunctional cognitive patterns that tend to go hand in hand with having a trauma history.

So if I react with a sudden emotional Yuk to a particular post, it's kind of useful - gives me an opportunity to check in with my values and thought patterns and take a moment to consider whether I could address some underlying issues. My Yuk response may be reasonable and healthy, their post may just be bogus, and flicking past is the appropriate response. But sometimes; there's a lot of insight I can gain from emotions that come up from posts I don't like.

 

[Deleted member 541]

"Stands up & raises hand". I'm most likely one of the "mean ones". I've never had tact, I'm opinionated and tend to call things as I see it. I'm honest to a fault. That's me, take me or don't.

On the flip side of things... I think the forum and the tone of the forum has changed over the years. Personally, I feel it's become too nice in its approach. I feel that people tip toe around saying things, they are too cautious in their wording. For whatever reason, be it trying to not trigger someone, or afraid to just come out and say what they mean. I will never be accused of holding my tounge or skirting issues. Life can be a trigger, we can't avoid it and facing the shit and getting it over and done with is what we're all here for. Yes, I know everyone heals in their own time, and we all handle things differently. Avoiding gets you no where!

For me the forum and life has been about learning, seeking truth, discovery. It's just not a popularity contest to see how many likes you can get, or how many friends or followers you rack up. Life is hard, but it's also beautiful. Life is triggering, but it can also heal.

I have been triggered by things people have said, and the things I've read. I don't avoid. I walk away, and then come back to it. I've been triggered in real life, and have probably caused people to be triggered. It's life! I don't avoid it, I can't.

Good topic @Freedomfighter

 

[Gs172003]

"Stands up & raises hand". I'm most likely one of the "mean ones". I've never had tact, I'm opinionated...

I'm still learning the " don't avoid " thing. You all are teaching me that. But...I have a long way to go. That said...if it was all rainbows and kittens I wouldn't even be THIS far.

 

[Leni]

"Stands up & raises hand". I'm most likely one of the "mean ones". I've never had tact, I'm opinionated...

I'm also honest to a fault - exactly to a *fault* - and it's never gotten me anywhere nice. It has only and solely caused problems for me. So, I've decided not to do that ... whenever I'm in control of that part of myself, because, let's face it, part of my issues is that I am *not* in control as often as I'd like to be.

And, then another part is, whenever it does happen and I'm honest to that aforementioned fault, I need to learn either a. not to give two shits, b. to apologise and *move on* with the *move on* part being the most important part as I tend to hang onto guilty feelings a bit too much.

:)

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I'm most likely one of the "mean ones". I've never had tact, I'm opinionated and tend to call things as I see it. I'm honest to a fault. That's me, take me or don't.

And I love that about you!! :hug:

You aren't mean at all. You are honest, opinionated (which in my opinion is great), and say things as you see them!

You make me, or almost force me, to look in myself and see what the f*ck is up with me that XYZ bothers me so much. And that I love too!

I agree fully that triggers and things here and in real life should never be avoided. They are wonderful opportunities for major, and wonderful, self awareness.

Also, the more you are exposed to a trigger, the less you are triggered by it over time.

 

[aut555]

First of all, l need a ignore button to carry around with me. Think all of our input is important. Some people do better with blunt criticism, others who have had a lifetime of rejection and betrayal don't do so well with said approach. Each challenged person here faces different realities in their perception of issues, so a one fit all approach doesn't work for all the creative lost souls at this site.

 

[EveHarrington]

This is very true (for me). I once was taught how the benign sentence- "Mary had a little lamb." co...

Lol.

I'm now imagining "Mary had a little lamb" sung in a "death metal" tone!

 

[aut555]

"Stands up & raises hand". I'm most likely one of the "mean ones". I've never had tact, I'm opinionated...

I have a fear of someone doing something horrible because of something l said. So that is my true motivation to nicely put things. Some people due end up here pretty much at the end of their rope, and you can feel their overwhelming distress.

 

[Friday]

If there weren't people willing to talk straight? I wouldn't still be here.

What I need in distress, when doing badly, is straight talking. Not pussy footing around an issue -or worse- telling me I'm not f*cking up when I am, and need the judgement call, because my own judgement is f*cked.

There are people like me in the world. Who need clear concise direction.

What helps one person f*cks another up, & vice versa. No best way to say anything.