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Hyper-vigilance And Crowds

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Deadman

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OK so I was in therapy earlier today and my T suggested it was time I considered dealing with my issues with crowds. Since she has seen the value of my participating with this forum she suggested I seek feedback here.

I'm not afraid of crowds per se and they are not a trigger. There are two problems. First I am the definition of hyper-vigilance. I'm the guy who knows the sound of every car that belongs in my neighborhood. I know the sound of every helicopter and light aircraft that flies here. Part of me scans every person I see to check their body language, if they have a concealed weapon, if they are ready for a fight. So once I'm in a crowd all that scanning and information starts to become overwhelming. Its exhausting and it only takes a few minutes before I reach saturation.

The second part of the problem is that whenever I'm in a group of more than four people the reptile part of my brain starts bracing for a suicide bomber or IED. Intellectually I know its highly unlikely to happen here in my remote community but part of me is screaming 'DANGER!'.

At this point in my journey anything more than four people in the same place is a crowd.

Has anyone in a similar situation had success in dealing with this? How did you do it?
 
OK so I was in therapy earlier today and my T suggested it was time I considered dealing with my issues...
I am extremely hyper vigilant. I can relate to the constant scanning, trying to determine who is a threat, etc. I don't do well with contact either. So crowds, the getting bumped into, is very overwhelming. I do my little safe place mantras but 10 minutes and I'm done. I don't know the answer, but I can relate.
 
I start to get antsy after the first or second person gets too close without a proper scan first. After that I quickly give up on scanning people and start identifying exits and safe zones. Always knowing where my next move will be if there is trouble is a way that I cope. After the escape route is established, I can try to catch up on the scanning.
Ever watch the secret service guard a high ranker? They take breaks every ten minutes or so, move around a little, put someone else on point, let someone else cover the back stairs for awhile. It's a tough job to try to size everyone up. take a break somehow, excuse yourself and go to a safe location for a few.
 
Ditto on the analyzing the area. I'm proud of the fact I can now sit with my back open in a restaurant, I still have to keep in mind who is in the room, where they are and identify sounds, but I can now identify someone moving behind me as just passing by versus someone approaching me. I still don't like doing it, and my hackles raise, and eventually I will start turning to check each person who passes within my back arc, but I *can* do it.

I do find that in clubs it doesn't bother me as much. Something about the deafening noise helps insulate me.I can manage several hours in a busy club where I can't do more than an hour in a quiet restaurant without being done for the day, or sometimes, several days.

Malls aren't as bad because people are constantly moving and generally people stay a good several feet away (since I don't venture in on busy days).

Take all of this with the realization that my racing thoughts keep me up at night, so keeping tabs on everything is pretty much second nature to me, while it *is* tiring, I can manage it for a while before it really starts wearing me out*.

*except for driving...even in a vehicle, if I am behind the wheel, the constant press of other vehicles passing and being around me freaks me out badly enough that I'm shaking after ten minutes. I don't drive as a result, though I have my license. I think the being unable to escape the vehicle to safety may have something to do with it.
 
I do one or the other intermittently. I am either watching everything that goes past or paying attention to nothing going on around me at all.

Often when I am hyper vigilant I can't cope for very long anywhere except for a quiet room. Sudden movements make me jumpy and I am analysing everyone trying to figure out what they are doing and why and where they are going and ... the information overload is real. I really struggle in conversations more than one on one because having to keep track of more than one persons moods, expressions and everything else is exhausting. I don't do people LOL. My boyfriend thought he was antisocial until he started dating me.
 
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