I reached out and got my head handed to me

[cupfish]

My deepest pain comes from no one caring about my suffering. This morning I tried to express a big anxiety to my mate and he took it as a personal insult. He called me names, and patronized me, and made me feel like a fool. Now I hate myself again. I have a giant set of tasks ahead of me and all I want to do is curl in a ball.

 

[Joan]

So sorry that was the response that you got. it hurts so bad when you make that really tough decision to reach out only to be shut down, insulted, etc. that is his stuff, not yours....much easier to say, than to feel that one I know. What else might help with the anxiety? Do you have some things that usually help calm?

 

[Deleted member 541]

Calling you names and patronizing you!!!! Really, and you tolerated it? It's abuse, plain and simple.

 

[ladee]

Sorry he was an ass and didn't know how to handle you being vulnerable trying to share.... I hope you come here often... this is the place to be heard and validated..... and it teaches you who to share with.... not everyone can handle this.... no excuses for his behavior,not at all.... you wont get treated that way here....

I know it hurt... and I am sorry he handled it the way he did... doesn't mean your feelings are less important or deserve to be heard... You are NOT stupid.... you were hurting and needing to share.... just hope you come here next time.... no one here will invalidate you or try to make you look or feel stupid...

Appreciate that you posted about what happened..... we are here for you.

 

[cupfish]

I'm such a loser. Loser loser loser loser. All my life. Trying so hard, working so hard, and putting on a good face.

 

[ladee]

Well, losers don't keep trying, and you do, so don't think that label applies.... I read all responsibility you have, and I have never known a 'looser' be that productive...
One thing I HAD to do, when certain labels started in my head ... was challenge it by replacing the exact opposite word... looser/winner. Weak/strong, and the list goes on... and then I realized I had a choice.... which one did I want to believe.. which label would help me feel better about myself... even if I didn't believe it as strongly as I believed the negative word....

This is a long hard journey. With so many little things we have to remind our self to do , to think about, to concentrate on....
It's tedious, tiring and at times extremely boring.... but sinceI am the only one that is going to get me healthier, I had to do those tedious little practices... still do, they come more automatic now.... because I have learned to pick the one that is going to help and not hinder.....

If yours are like mine.... they are not even words I used, it was the people around me who used those words to describe me, or it was implied.... so yes, this is a hard, time consuming, energy draining journey we are on... but sometimes it's the simple small things that help... hope you try it for awhile and see if it helps... there are no magic quick fixes for any of this.... but thank goodness others know what we are talking about.... and can suggest things that help us move along....

I doubt you would have been ok had I started this reply with ,Hi Loser, hope things get better.... because, first of all, it's not true... it is distorted thinking.... you might look up 'Distorted Cognition's".... it may really help you to understand why your thinking goes there.... I don't know how to share a link... I'm just tech challenged, but not a looser... see what I mean???

You are NOT a looser !!!! Gentle hugs for this long and hard journey.

 

[Neverthesame]

I'm such a loser. Loser loser loser loser.

No, you are not. No, no, no, no!

A loser would have blindly accepted that without another word to anyone else.
Yet, you didn't do this.
Instead, you came here and braved it again. I'm going to tell you why this was brave.

There are more than one of us here on the Internet, where it's easy for someone to be anonymous and hurl abuse without repercussion.

So far we outnumber your "mate" and I've yet to see anyone hurl anything but support.

I'll be no exception. You haven't lost. Therefore you cannot be a loser.

 

[cupfish]

Now I'm getting the silent treatment.

 

[whiteraven]

So sorry you are dealing with all this, cupfish. I know it doesn't help much, but I'm in that same place, where it feels like no one at all cares how I feel or what I'm going through. It's such a lonely feeling, isn't it?

I hope you can find someone else to talk to, besides your mate. Not everyone can hear, or be compassionate. That doesn't mean that no one does.

Hugs, if you will accept them.

 

[cupfish]

You are all so kind. I don't know if my marriage will make it but I do know I must honor my fundamental right to a peaceful life. x

 

[betterthanyesterday]

My deepest pain comes from no one caring about my suffering. This morning I tried to express a big anx...

Right now i am going through the same exact thing...i reach out and get attacked becausd he feels like its a personal attack on him. Itjust makes me worse abd want to disappear even more...what are we doing?

 

[joeylittle]

Hi, @betterthanyesterday - I wanted to respond to you here, since you've been removed from chat for suicidal posting.

Suicidal thinking is a very real part of PTSD. One of the best ways to help combat it can be to talk about it. I'd really encourage you to start a thread if you have more you need to say.

There's a difference between suicidal thinking and posting suicidal plans. What you wrote about in chat got too close to that. If you are actively planning on harming yourself, it's very important that you reach out to 3-D crisis support...whether that's a help-line, emergency services, your therapist (if you have one).

Usually when people think they want to die, they really want relief. Relief doesn't come with death - you're not around to experience the relief. When things are really bad, it can seem like there's no end of it in sight. It seems like it will always be like this. But that's more of the illness affecting your thinking. Try and remember that, too.

Sorry, my words are clunky. But I wanted to reach out and let you know we are here, and listening.