JulietteRising
Learning
Hi, I am 43 years old. In May of this year, I met someone special that I have romantic and intimate feelings for, and he feels the same. He is 38 years old. Although I am older than he is, I have limited life experience in romantic relationships. He's been married and has three children. I've never been married, or had kids but I am a substitute mother for my niece who mom is in a vegetative state and is unable to take care of her daughter. I help take care of her with my mom. To be quite frank, the only relationships I've had before this have lasted 2 or 3 months. I've always but a stop to things before someone wanted to get more serious. Probably because I am afraid. Of what? Not entirely sure.
This is a long distance relationship. He is a survivor of CSA as well. After about a month of talking on the phone, we finally decided to be exclusive, not an open relationship. Things progressed to intimacy on the phone. Things were going good. Then, I start to get ... I'm embarrassed to say, needy and I feel him pulling away. I have never had a relationship or a connection with someone like this before. We both agree our connection is not just a mental one but also an intimate and spiritual one. I feel safe with him, something I have never felt with anyone before, especially a man. So I am scared I am going to do something or say something to screw things up.
I know I need to relax but my father is a diagnosed socialpath who SA me when I was a child. My father cheated on my mom their entire 20 year marriage, not to mention what he did to me. I have trust issues with cheating. The man I met has given me no indication that he has cheated or wants to, but due to my father, I feel cheating is just a trait men have. I know this perception is totally wrong but it is a thought I keep having more and more of lately.
Especially since our intimate moments on the phone have dwindled as of the last three or four weeks. When I started to get too clingy, he started to pull away. And to be honest, I don't blame him I guess. So I've been trying to give him space. But I've also felt neglected sexually, and since it seems like he doesn't need it, I think he's cheating. So I have been having triggers when I am intimate with myself and flashbacks. I haven't had a flashback in several years. In a previous relationship, the man I was with said I dissociated during sex. I have noticed lately that I dissociate when I am being intimate alone with myself and I relived a traumatic memory. I grounded myself but it took some effort. This bothers me.
We've both decided to take it slow and will meet after one year of talking, if we still are talking. lol I think I need to see a therapist/counselor to help me because I don't want to meet him in several months, be intimate with him and then dissociate or relive some traumatic memory while we are together. He feels safe to me but maybe my subconscious won't realize that. Anyway, I'll end the introduction here. I'm feeling drained. I have been to counseling/therapy before, for over 10 + years of it dealing with my father and other incidents. I am going to contact someone locally tomorrow and see if a sex therapist can help because I have other things going on as well in that area that need dealing with.I just hope I can reach out here and be safe to do so.
Anyway, thanks for reading this far. lol I know it was a lot.
This is a long distance relationship. He is a survivor of CSA as well. After about a month of talking on the phone, we finally decided to be exclusive, not an open relationship. Things progressed to intimacy on the phone. Things were going good. Then, I start to get ... I'm embarrassed to say, needy and I feel him pulling away. I have never had a relationship or a connection with someone like this before. We both agree our connection is not just a mental one but also an intimate and spiritual one. I feel safe with him, something I have never felt with anyone before, especially a man. So I am scared I am going to do something or say something to screw things up.
I know I need to relax but my father is a diagnosed socialpath who SA me when I was a child. My father cheated on my mom their entire 20 year marriage, not to mention what he did to me. I have trust issues with cheating. The man I met has given me no indication that he has cheated or wants to, but due to my father, I feel cheating is just a trait men have. I know this perception is totally wrong but it is a thought I keep having more and more of lately.
Especially since our intimate moments on the phone have dwindled as of the last three or four weeks. When I started to get too clingy, he started to pull away. And to be honest, I don't blame him I guess. So I've been trying to give him space. But I've also felt neglected sexually, and since it seems like he doesn't need it, I think he's cheating. So I have been having triggers when I am intimate with myself and flashbacks. I haven't had a flashback in several years. In a previous relationship, the man I was with said I dissociated during sex. I have noticed lately that I dissociate when I am being intimate alone with myself and I relived a traumatic memory. I grounded myself but it took some effort. This bothers me.
We've both decided to take it slow and will meet after one year of talking, if we still are talking. lol I think I need to see a therapist/counselor to help me because I don't want to meet him in several months, be intimate with him and then dissociate or relive some traumatic memory while we are together. He feels safe to me but maybe my subconscious won't realize that. Anyway, I'll end the introduction here. I'm feeling drained. I have been to counseling/therapy before, for over 10 + years of it dealing with my father and other incidents. I am going to contact someone locally tomorrow and see if a sex therapist can help because I have other things going on as well in that area that need dealing with.I just hope I can reach out here and be safe to do so.
Anyway, thanks for reading this far. lol I know it was a lot.