Empty nest, nothing to to do with ptsd

[Glara]

I’m not really sure where to put this so if it needs to be moved that’s fine.

I’m a supporter but I’m not writing about ptsd. I’m writing about empty nest syndrome and I’m my case combined with menopause.

I’m just looking ahead trying to figure what to do with next 25 or so years. My kid is grown and gone, I’m burnt out from my work. I’ve travelled a bit and enjoy it, but it’s exhausting. I live in an area that caters to youth and seniors of which I am neither at this time. My “relationship” is absent.

I’m feeling very depressed. I have highs and lows, not on any meds and never have been. HRT has helped a bit but not enough. I just don’t see anything in front of me. My daughter doesn’t really want to get married and have a family, so no grandchildren. There’s no volunteer group or cause or church or community that I fit into.

Last Christmas Eve a long time friend overdosed and passed away. His daughter, that he raised himself, moved out and he lost his job of 25 years. He struggled with addiction when he was young but straightened out for his kid. When she left and things when south I guess he had enough.

I get how he felt. I have no plans to take my life but I just feel like it’s pointless. It’s empty. When I was raising my daughter I was good at it and I loved it. I’m ok at my job but I’m there to pay my bills. I just don’t know how to come out of this. And menopause makes it worse. I feel unattractive, like women my age aren’t valued in my society. I just feel numb to everything.

Anyone else feel like this at all?

 

[Deleted member 12723]

There’s no volunteer group or cause or church or community that I fit into.

I do not fit either. I know this feeling really well. I am sorry that you are finding yourself in this sad position. I do think though that after you are able to sort through all of your feelings and thoughts and work through becoming comfortable in your new position in life, some old interests and passions will be revived but I find the depression the hardest hurdle to overcome still for me at this time.

When I was raising my daughter I was good at it and I loved it.

I was so like you. I was so very happy taking care of my family and was so happy. But sadly I did not pursue my other interests so when both of my kids moved out in a six month period, I became very empty nest depressed and had to face my own aging process with that I was very uncomfortable with. Then my husband I dearly loved got sick with dementia and I entered the world of being a caregiver around the clock and by the time he died, I was so burnt out from the caregiving alone and needed a full year to recover. My only son had passed away some years earlier so they left a huge void in my life.

Anyone else feel like this at all?

I can so relate to what you are experiencing even though our stories are different, the feelings and thoughts are the same I think.

My only daughter is a borderline personality with full blown addiction to alcohol and in her deluded state now hates me with a passion and has falsely accused me of so many things and has cut me off from my two beloved grandchildren. The oldest one will turn eighteen next month which I hope that she will find her voice and stand up to her mom in order to reconnect to me once again. the kids were such a big part of my life for so many years and kept me sane during some very rough times.

So I am four years from the death of my husband just now reclaiming my life and reviving old interests. I am now very comfortable with my age and getting older, but I do not fit in so much because of the varied ages. I do not fit in with the youth or the elderly. I am middle aged and a widow now. I am estranged from my only living child and cut off from my grandchildren and the grief is crushing me on so many days for the past ten months. I am sorry to tell you all of this, but when I read your words they fit me where I am at. Feel free to pc me if you need me to just listen to you vent. I imagine that we have things in common because neither of us does fit in with any age group.

By the way, many years ago, I had a full hysterectomy due to health issues and so never went through menopause and never took the hormones so I did dodge that bullet. I never had any more problems after I had the surgery. But the issue with aging and getting older was a huge deal for me and I have been able to come to terms with it. And so will you, it will just take some time I think to get adjusted to the new state you find yourself in. I am sure that you are young still and look pretty good still.

I am here if you need me. :hug: You are going to come out of all of this really well, it is a passage of life.

 

[bento]

I'm not quite there, but soon will also be an empty nester. I have to worry about the ever
present in laws who would like to swoop in and have my children move far away and never
see me again. Since they have $$ to bribe and manipulate with, it's a real concern. But
I try and put that out of my mind and enjoy what time I have with them.

Menopause is a real bitch. Wow. I went through it in less than a year and boy o boy was
I flattened by it. I was in a sandwiched caregiving situation between kids and father
and got steamrolled by all the changes hurled at me nearly at once.

Yes our society does not place a high regard on women who are older as youth and beauty
still are the most prized attributes of womanhood, with motherhood a distant second.
With PTSD, empty nest and aging, it's a tough thing to feel positive and respected.

I try and remember there are a lot of others out there who are also alone for whatever
reason. If you can manage some of the weird cultiness of 12 step groups they can
be a good place to meet folks, as basically both ACA and Alanon are welcoming of those
struggling with family dysfunction. And there are more groups than you can imagine
i.e. meetup, classes, clubs, the gym. It can be a real hit and miss kind of thing, but I
know I feel better when I quit isolating and spend time with people face to face. Online
is awesome but it's just not the same.