How do you stop comparing yourself to everyone else?

[EveHarrington]

How do you stop comparing yourself to everyone else?

Today I accomplished one thing, hooking up my wireless network. It took me over two hours, full of frustration, including time on the phone with tech support. (I am not a technical person.)

Now I am wiped out.

I sit here and think that this would be just one thing of many that other people would accomplish in a day, but because of my anxiety, it’s the only thing I’m accomplishing today.

I wonder if I’ll ever be high functioning. Or even medium functioning. Anything but low functioning.

How do I stop comparing myself to everyone else? How can I be happy with where I am in life right now?

I feel a constant pressure to be better than I am.

Thanks.

 

[desiderata310]

There's a few things that keep me from doing that:

Goals. Serious, only for me, goals. I found something that I wanted to do; something I wanted to accomplish that would make me a better person somehow and started working on it. The focus then comes on setting a REALIST GOAL, an obtainable goal, and working towards it while setting milestones to celebrate. Doing that grants me serious perspective of where I am currently and comparing it to where I was a year ago or 5 years ago. The trick is to stay focused on YOUR goals, not what Jimmy Bob or Janey who's in the same class or is the same age is doing.
Set your own bar.
When you review where you are currently, look at where you were a year ago. What kind of state was your life in? Were you in a place to set goals for yourself last year in March? The fact that you even asked the above question is proof of progress. You're already better than you were last year.

YOU ARE THE MEASURING STICK.

I have to remind myself of this all the damn time. Last year, in March I suffered a head injury. One of the tests that they did was to say a list of 5 things and ask me to say them back. I couldn't remember more than one.
I couldn't work
I couldn't stay upright for more than a couple of hours.

When I went back for testing for more Occupational therapy last week, I was able to remember 3 of the 5 things. But I spend a good amount of time beating myself up because using a phone book just confounded me.
:banghead::cautious:
BUT....
I am back at work. I can do math in my head again- albeit slowly. I can remember a sequence of numbers and if I concentrate very hard I can say them to someone backwards. And I can remember 3 of 5 things said to me in a sequence
It's all angry painful progress. And I want to compare myself against the person I was pre-March of 2017. And I sometimes do it. But it serves no purpose. I AM the measuring stick. My measuring stick got whacked but it's still mine so I'm continuing to tack onto my new measuring stick.

So what is something you want to be able to do?
What are some short term milestones that you can set as you work towards that goal?
How will you know when you've obtained that goal?
Build your measuring stick and don't look at anyone else's.

 

[Mee]

Omg! You managed to connect your wireless network? You make it on to my ‘she is a hero’ list.

eve; I have a daily list which has brush my teeth on it twice ( am and pm). I think you are underrating what function is .

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Today I accomplished one thing, hooking up my wireless network. It took me over two hours, full of frustration, including time on the phone with tech support. (I am not a technical person.)

You just gave me something. I'm that techy person you called at your internet service provider (probably not but I do work as an internet/VOP phone/PC tech at an internet service provider so I could have been). I'm often frustrated at the person on the other end of the phone. I normally can hide it well but at times it hides not as well. You helped me gain some perspective. Something I always knew but hearing it really helped because I can totally relate. It's just what I can't do is a bit different but I can relate nonetheless. So thanks for that!

Goals. Serious, only for me, goals. I found something that I wanted to do; something I wanted to accomplish that would make me a better person somehow and started working on it. The focus then comes on setting a REALIST GOAL, an obtainable goal, and working towards it while setting milestones to celebrate. Doing that grants me serious perspective of where I am currently and comparing it to where I was a year ago or 5 years ago. The trick is to stay focused on YOUR goals, not what Jimmy Bob or Janey who's in the same class or is the same age is doing.

^^^ This! Totally this!

I actually am hit two ways. I have the mental wipe out I call "the crash" that I am constantly fighting/going through at the end of fighting too much or just not managing well and then I have the physicaly inability. Which is much more visable and present but both really play a large part. My 76 year old father can run circles around me 20 times and still be able to run. I'll be 37 next month. That's seriously depressing and it makes you want to give up. What are other 37 yr old people doing?

But you know what? It doesn't matter. What matters is what can I do today? I make lists. Most consits of service dog training sessions and how am I going to navigate what I need to get done but I make lists nonetheless. What can I do today (realisticlly)? And then I start doing them one by one by one celebrating after each one. I log it in my diary here to help me remember that I accomplished it. I did it! Yay me!

Goals and lists and celebrations after some of what seems like the simplest of things (which aren't simple to me) are huge in my world! You setup your wireless network! That's awesome! You know how many people I speak to that just gives up after 5 mins and then proceeds to scream at me for another 20 for them not understanding? Oh my the list of those people! You spent hours on something that you don't understand well. That's awesome and that's also dedication! Celebrate and be proud of yourself! It doesn't matter who could have done it faster! Who cares? You worked hard and got it done! That's awesome! Celebrate that!

 

[Gs172003]

How do you stop comparing yourself to everyone else?

Today I accomplished one thing, hooking up...

Lord God I've cleaned my house twice in the past six months. Twice. Sorry hubby.

The only two things I'm consistent with is brushing my teeth in the am and cleaning out the coop because they are dependant on me. Other than that it's a crap shoot.

My son also does tech support. Some of the stories he tells ( do people REALLY want to hook their modem directly to the power pole? REALLY?)

You did great @EveHarrington . I would have gave up after a half hour lol

 

[EveHarrington]

Thank you all for your kind words of support. I took a nap which helped with my anxiety but now I’m exhausted. I will respond in more detail tomorrow when I can think a little bit more.

Hugs.

 

[EveHarrington]

There's a few things that keep me from doing that:

Goals. Serious, only for me, goals. I found s...

Thank you, this is good advice!


It reminds me of that song...

“Anything you can do, I can do better, I can do anything better than you”

....but the Olympics Visa commercial changed it to....

“Anything I can do, I can do better, I can do anything better than me”

I watched the Olympics religiously and didn’t pick up on this change until half way through the Olympics!

I see it as pushing yourself to improve but only measuring progress against yourself.

Omg! You managed to connect your wireless network? You make it on to my ‘she is a hero’ list.

ev...

Thanks!

I guess I’m judging myself too harshly? Being too hard on myself? Can’t see how I’ve improved?

You just gave me something. I'm that techy person you called at your internet service provid...

Yes, it crossed my mind that my non-technical ability could be irritating the guy who was trying to help me. I was zoning out when he was confirming that the wires were hooked up correctly. He was very patient, and I was very thankful for that. The pop up windows were telling me one thing was the problem when it was actually something else. (I guess I’m not a complete moron lol.)

My son also does tech support. Some of the stories he tells ( do people REALLY want to hook their modem...

Thanks!

 

[Freida]

I guess I’m judging myself too harshly? Being too hard on myself? Can’t see how I’ve improved?

Ya think??? :hug:

wireless networking??? I can never even figure out where the damn modem thingy is!!!

I get what you mean about wanting to be able to do more. I've struggled with that the last few years. I went from being a super successful workaholic to someone who sometimes struggles to spell C.A.T. Sometimes my big accomplishment of the day is making it from the bed to the couch and remember how the remote works. Then I might check in here and on facebook and poof. I'm done. Other days I'm all up and energizer bunny and get a ton of things done. But guess which day I remember? Yep -- the day I sucked.

So I go back to my journal and see where I was a week, a month, a year ago and look for what's different today. And it can really help show me, in my own words, how I've improved.

 

[Mee]

Eve, Your question is helping me ; seeing I am not alone in my lack of function.

 

[Muttly]

I remind myself that I don't know other people's stories. Like, I have had people who have mental health issues look at me and say how much better I function than them. And yet, they've managed to have relationships or even get married. Or they haven't done permanent damage to their bodies due to their issues. And the comparing that they made, has left me feeling so misunderstood and minimized. And I don't want to do that to someone else.

For an example, one of the things that blared out at me from your post is you made a phone call. Using the phone is such a challenge for me. to the degree that things that really matter don't get taken care because I can't make a phone call.

I spent all day today (literally) arguing with myself about calling into sick. First there's the dreaded phone call and then there's the fact that I have to figure out if I'm sick or faking (which may be distorted thoughts) and if I am sick am I sick enough to actually call in. I've had those arguments go on for days when it turned out I was very ill. Was I high functioning because I could work? Yes, in that aspect. Working myself to the point of collapse, because I can't manage to make a phone call? Not so high functioning. While I was sitting there fighting with myself about calling into work, I was not feeding myself, getting fluids, taking medicine, sleeping, or accomplishing much of anything, because I was so freaking stuck. Maybe it's a bad example, but it was on my brain.

The point is, when you are comparing, you are looking at what you can't do and what someone else can do. What you don't see, is all the things you can do and what the other person can't. So, try to look instead to what you can do and those goals other mentioned and be gentle on yourself (easier said than done, I know).

 

[Mee]

Muttly, I can really struggle with the phone too. I have barely answered the landline in six months... maybe four times? And removed the answer phone. I ask people to email or message me mainly.

 

[Freemartin]

I remind myself that I don't know other people's stories. Like, I have had people who have mental health...

Wow, some very good points!
Thank you, seriously!