Relationship Trying to Stay Sane Alone

[EveHarrington]

He doesn’t want drama yet he brings tons of drama to his life?

More like he wants to do what he wants, when he wants, with whom ever he wants——and if anyone has a problem with it, it’s their problem, not his. Yes, this is the definition of selfish.

 

[Pippi427]

He doesn’t want drama yet he brings tons of drama to his life?

More like he wants to do what he wants, when he wants, with whom ever he wants——and if anyone has a problem with it, it’s their problem, not his. Yes, this is the definition of selfish.

Yep. Dating multiple women at the same time is also the definition of drama. He has taken steps to devalue the past year of my life to R (the other girl). I'm sorry but when you sleep with me and offer to introduce your mom, best friend, and meet my friends...you're in a relationship with me.

Today is hard and it sucks. He has talked to my friends. There was talk of arranging a lunch for some peacemaking but now he doesn't want to spend time with me anymore because of "assumptions I made about the relationship" and drama associated with R's current boyfriend (she got back with her ex after L disappeared on her, too). He seems to always be able to tell them how he feels about me but never wants to tell me. I have to figure it out the hard way. WHY does he do that? It makes me feel like trash. I am actually ashamed of my feelings I had for him now. I am ashamed of the whole experience.

I want to move on but I still feel like I am in grief mode.

 

[HopefulD]

Yep. Dating multiple women at the same time is also the definition of drama. He has taken steps to devalue the past year of my life to R (the other girl). I'm sorry but when you sleep with me and offer to introduce your mom, best friend, and meet my friends...you're in a relationship with me.

Today is hard and it sucks. He has talked to my friends. There was talk of arranging a lunch for some peacemaking and he doesn't want to spend time with me anymore because of "assumptions I made about the relationship". He seems to always be able to tell them how he feels about me but never wants to tell me. I have to figure it out the hard way. WHY does he do that? It makes me feel like trash.

I want to move on but I still feel like I am in grief mode.

I think that grief stage is the worst. Grieving and with no closure but hearing he's talked to others really blows. It also just proves his selfish,self centered behavior. I can feel your hurt in your words and I'm sorry. I really am. I was there a few weeks ago. I've come to my own peace for a moment. Yet just today the anger bubbled back up again briefly. I am trying to remind myself that this is a person who is not in their right frame of mind. But it's hard to have compassion when he's still doing his job and most probably seeing "friends" with no care in the world of the sh*t show and pain he caused. Yes I know all part of the illness... please I've heard it a hundred times. It still doesn't acknowledge the way supporters get left behind.

 

[EveHarrington]

Wait, did he ever say that you two were in a relationship or that he was your boyfriend or that you were his girlfriend?

 

[PreciousChild]

@Pippi427 , he didn't make it easy to get over him because of all the drama he created. And the more emotions (positive or negative) you give to him and the situation will keep the entanglement going. There was a hint of wistfulness in your post. I really hope you don't think it's a good idea to try again with him. But what do I know looking in from this side of the digital divide? I just want to say that it was totally 100% natural for you to assume that you were exclusive given the details you gave. And I'm sure that he knew that's what you felt even if he wasn't doing the same.

My ex and I who broke up around the same time as your ex's disappearance and I have finally been somewhat friendly through email (just a handful). Even in good circumstances, I still feel wistful and miss being with someone. But I'm not going to forget why we broke up. It was his idea anyway.

Best wishes.

 

[Pippi427]

Wait, did he ever say that you two were in a relationship or that he was your boyfriend or that you were his girlfriend?

He called it a relationship to R but characterized it as something more casual. I don't know if he used the word girlfriend but I was mentioned to his mom as the girl he was dating. How would you characterize that?

 

[Pippi427]

@Pippi427 , he didn't make it easy to get over him because of all the drama he created. And the more emotions (positive or negative) you give to him and the situation will keep the entanglement going. There was a hint of wistfulness in your post. I really hope you don't think it's a good idea to try again with him. But what do I know looking in from this side of the digital divide? I just want to say that it was totally 100% natural for you to assume that you were exclusive given the details you gave. And I'm sure that he knew that's what you felt even if he wasn't doing the same.

My ex and I who broke up around the same time as your ex's disappearance and I have finally been somewhat friendly through email (just a handful). Even in good circumstances, I still feel wistful and miss being with someone. But I'm not going to forget why we broke up. It was his idea anyway.

Best wishes.

Oh no, I am not going to try with him again. I can't trust him at all. My efforts to communicate were because I wanted to try and be friendly when handing over the rest of his stuff. I was 100% clear with him on my feelings. I told him I loved him in no uncertain terms. He absolutely knew how I felt the entire last 6 months.

 

[EveHarrington]

Simply.

You two were dating.

Dating in and of itself doesn’t imply a commitment. Many people will date around, even dating the same person more than once. There is nothing wrong with this.

Until commitment and exclusivity are discussed, there really is no commitment.

Yes, it was a relationship of some kind or another, but again, until two people sit down and have a discussion about how the relationship is defined, then no, there is no exclusive boyfriend/girlfriend relationship to the exclusion of all others.

I’m not trying to be harsh, but I’ll never understand people who just assume themselves into a commitment.

 

[Pippi427]

It was his actions that duped me into thinking he cared. But I guess I brought this on myself now and that is the source of my pain and disconnect.

 

[Sweetpea76]

What did you do wrong? Trust somebody who seemed trustworthy? That’s hardly a character flaw. He was shady... shady people are good at fooling others into buying their line.

 

[Pippi427]

And they are good at hurting you just for being mad at them. I just sent him a list of all the women I knew of and mentioned how small his dick was. He blocked me. Sometimes the trash takes itself out. I will still probably cry myself to sleep tonight.

 

[Pippi427]

Still wrestling with bad thoughts today. It's hard to move into a healthy frame of mind today. I wonder if something is wrong with me is why I fell for him. Maybe we were "just dating" but that doesn't excuse the blatant and frequent lies. That is what hurt me the most.

Are addictions like this common place with combat vets? I'm afraid to ever date another.