How open with others are you about your PTSD?

[Kubash16]

I’m curious just how open you are with others in your life about:

1. Your diagnosis
2. What caused the PTSD (and other stuff like anxiety)
3. If you were diagnosed later in life and had previously had confusing or frustrating behavior, did you explain where that behavior came from now that you know?

I didn’t get diagnosed until 27 and for the last easily 15+ years have been showing signs/symptoms of PTSD from CSA (among other abusive-ish parenting). But no one noticed (or cared). I really want to be open about it with friends on Facebook, kind of a PSA thing but hesitate because what if they think I’m just trying to excuse my behavior?

 

[Deleted member 47099]

Talk to your therapist about this first :)

Facebook is... Facebook :rolleyes:

You will get some positive and supportive responses.

You will likely also get a whole bunch of idiot/ f*cktard responses.

You will likely also get a whole of ignoring/ meh responses.

With any kind of PSA thing, make sure you can handle it if over 50% of the responses are crap or meh at first... and if it takes quite a while for positive responses to accrue.

Make sure you have the muscles to deal with this, so it doesn't turn into a set-back for you.

Other than that, I think it's a cool idea :laugh:

:hug:

Edit to add: if/ when you are ready to go ahead with it, you can run your draft PSA past us if you like to get feedback re how to word it so you have a PSA that protects your needs and communicates your goals well. :hug:

 

[Chris-duck]

1. Your diagnosis
Probably the part least people know? But then it just doesn't come up tbh. Most of my friends know, although tbf a lot of those chats went like "Chrissy, have you ever considered you might have PTSD?.." "Oh shit, I do, did I not tell you? Oops!" :p My friends are pretty open about MH etc though, cos they're nurses, social workers, therapists.. So it's really not been a big deal to any of them.
2. What caused the PTSD (and other stuff like anxiety)
Everyone in my life knows about J but knows not to talk about it (which is funny, because it was them that reminded me a couple months back.. :cautious: ) Three or four friends know about CSA, everyone knows about DV, but not really the extent, and there's a lot of people who know about guys, but out of people still in my life only maybe 3 people? So yeahhh. I'm pretty open, or I'm fake open. One of my friends a few years back told everyone about my "situation" :p to help out this other friend of hers with a similar issue, so secrecy kinda stopped being a thing, cos they adopted a "Bad thing happened? Ask Chrissy what to do!" view to things :laugh:
3. If you were diagnosed later in life and had previously had confusing or frustrating behavior, did you explain where that behavior came from now that you know?
I didn't explain anything :laugh: But I was diagnosed at 15 or whatever. So it's not really relevant, and the people who I treated badly at that time, don't really deserve an explanation anyway sooo :p

You will get some positive and supportive responses.

You will likely also get a whole bunch of idiot/ f*cktard responses.

You will likely also get a whole of ignoring/ meh responses.

This. So much this. Facebook things seem to either go mental with replies (good and bad), or elicit a very "meh" response depending on who is on your facebook. I guess if you're doing it for replies, or people knowing for their sake, you'll probably be disappointed whatever way it goes. If you're doing it cos it's your story and you want it out there, that's different, but I agree with Sophy, make sure you know why you're doing this, how you expect it to go, and that you're able to deal with worst case scenario before doing it.

 

[Chris-duck]

Oh, and as an adding on thing, make sure you aren't looking for a reply from anyone in particular. I tend to just like that type of posts and don't really comment on them on facebook, but I got a message once from an acquaintance after they posted their shitty life story and journey through the MH system and I clicked like and went on my merry way, and apparently they were really interested in my thoughts on it? :laugh: And were kinda offended I didn't reply? :laugh: I got a message saying that -obviously- it was for everyone, but they wanted my advice on blahblah aspects. Like send a private message then :laugh:

So if there's anyone on your facebook that you're hoping, specifically, will react somehow. Go straight to them :P

 

[Kubash16]

Thank you for bringing me back to earth lol. I just get annoyed with people who take their “bad” kids behavior and demonize the kiddo for it. For example: there was a recent incident where the kiddo is having a really rough day and talking about running away (kid has been through absolute hell) and parent is like yelling at them and talking about how stressful this kid is and now it’s okay cause he got in trouble. Another incident: kiddo sends pic out of a handful of pills threatening to take them. Parent reacts by telling everyone to ignore kiddo cause it’s just for attention. Granted in that case the pic wasn’t real kiddo took it from the internet. But that’s still a behavior that should be paid attention to.

I did a lot of things as y’all already know and it was all either ignored or I got in trouble for it and that caused so many more issues than the actual abuse. So I want to be like hey parents-pay attention to your damn kid lol.

 

[EveHarrington]

People on Facebook probably aren’t going to take you seriously as Facebook isn’t meant to be a serious platform.

Why not tell people to their face? I think this is the best course of action.

If you say it on Facebook, it’s out there forever and could cost you future jobs, friends, etc. There is no such thing as privacy on social media.

 

[Deleted member 47099]

Thank you for bringing me back to earth lol. I just get annoyed with people who take their “bad” kids behavior and demonize the kiddo for it. For example: there was a recent incident where the kiddo is having a really rough day and talking about running away (kid has been through absolute hell) and parent is like yelling at them and talking about how stressful this kid is and now it’s okay cause he got in trouble. Another incident: kiddo sends pic out of a handful of pills threatening to take them. Parent reacts by telling everyone to ignore kiddo cause it’s just for attention. Granted in that case the pic wasn’t real kiddo took it from the internet. But that’s still a behavior that should be paid attention to.

I did a lot of things as y’all already know and it was all either ignored or I got in trouble for it and that caused so many more issues than the actual abuse. So I want to be like hey parents-pay attention to your damn kid lol.

Okay, now you know what you want to do and what you would like to achieve, start with that.

And then work out what things you could do to achieve that.

And what is the best option and if you want to go with that.

And you can still disclose your PTSD, if you want.

Just think it through so the pros and the cons are okay for you and so you think you'll achieve what you're aiming to achieve.

:hug:

 

[Kubash16]

One of them I don’t have the kind of relationship needed to tell them face to face. The other is my sister. Now her, I could tell directly, however that would end any contact with nieces and nephews which is absolutely something I will never chance. So I was thinking trying to keep it directed to everyone/no one if that makes sense?

But I don’t think I’m actually going to do it because I would be treading on outing mom territory which I kinda want to do but then I would also have to deal with that fall out which is so hard and complicated and don’t know that I can do that one yet. One day I will go no contact, but f*ck it’s hard.

Piggybacking though: how do y’all broach this stuff with potential significant others, as well as new friends/coworkers? How open are y’all in general with them?

 

[Deleted member 47099]

how do y’all broach this stuff with potential significant others, as well as new friends/coworkers? How open are y’all in general with them?

Totally depends.
My decision is based on "Will this person get it?"
If they do, I often tell them.
If they don't, nope don't bother.
If it's somewhere in between, I kinda say something in between.

 

[Abstract]

1. Not likely to be helpful for what you are looking at as historically I am a closed book. Diagnosed 8 years ago in my early 40's. Told noone until the last 2 years. Have now told 2 people (A and B), still haven't told my husband.
2. Haven't told anyone. Have alluded to some of the stuff in an indirect way to person B but not in the same conversation. My sister knows some of it as a result of her also experiencing it but haven't told her about diagnoses.
3. I did this with person A because of isolating behaviours. Its the only reason I said anything to them. An attempt to stop being pushed to see one of the perpetrators who is in the family and to explain isolation behaviours. Backfired as I knew it probably would but all in all I can't regret it as I gave it my best shot. I was pushed more and more to see the family member for a while and no attempt made to understand my behaviours.

On your other points - please don't count on anything Facebook to facilitate understanding or acceptance!

 

[NatBird]

Thanks for starting this thread @Kubash16

I share my diagnosis with ease when i think it is relevant. eg a friend who continually talks to me about PTSD symptoms who has shared experiencing childhood trauma or context of therapy groups, metal health forums, etc. i am not someone to disclose athe diagnosis. i am more likely to share the lived experience -- isolating, depression, challenges relating etc. this helps me not to add to the pit of shame, not to keep secrets, become less isolated etc. sometimes i will share the label, if the people seem to respond well tp what has been shared, similar to @Sophy

i am also cautious sharing about it due to trauma bonding (although that can and does happe regardless)

what is your motivation for wanting to disclose?

i find disclosing diagnosis at work useful. instead of having to explain anxiety and depression which often leads people to ask what is causing it, i will say I experience PTSD symptoms and they can work out that some bad shit happened with long lasting symptoms - the end! (although we all know it's often just the beginning)
i find workplaces are more understanding and accommodating with PTSD than generic anxiety and depression which often gets met with some variation of -- yea we all have that

i generally talk openly, when relevant ,about challenges i experience, things i am working through and why. anyone who knows anything about growing up as an adult child in a dysfunctional family and complex PTSD can spot another and there isn't much need to talk diagnosis! the focus is the lived experience (unless going through shit in the mental health system)

i was diagnosed around the same age as you, i am 37 now. i am curious what impact receiving diagnosis had on you?

i look back and see much of my behavior pre and post diagnosis was complex-PTSD. for me the diagnosis was a signpost to what has turned out to be a long ass journey of dis covery. diagnosis in itself did not explain the mechanisms of my specific avoidance patterns, which i came to understand as social, emotional and sexual anorexia. although now a little more fluent in PTSD i can see these behaviors as the avoidance component but the way i lived it out was not obvious and was better (which i believe we all do in our own ways) illuminated through 12 step work and other modalities. excavating with these tools are helping to understand more
clearly how certain things are a manifestation of c-PTSD. hope that made sense?

blimey that was a ramble. anyway, hope there was something useful there

 

[Kubash16]

Thank you all. @NatBird for your first question: Why I want to disclose? The more we hide this away like some shameful secret the more we perpetuate the stigma and ignorance.
For your second question: What impact did receiveing a diagnosis have on you? Relief. Huge relief and understanding of myself and why I’ve been the way I have. It gave me a community and people to relate to.