@Between the Bars Sounds tough. I taught DID and DDNOS teens for a number of years. It was a tough job that I always had to be prepared for "a change".....I can't imagine it being a 24 hr. job like you have being married to her. I did thoroughly enjoy my DID/DDNOS students, and their alters were unique and a special part of them. But I realized....I wasn't always having the same kind of relationship one day as the next with the same person. I was always on "high alert" and couldn't relax when they were in my class-and even when they were in another class, I was the one that got called to help with a crisis.
But I also felt I was special because I understood them....better than most other teachers in the school and that weighed on me, a lot. I could also see the good, their talents, and I was a door to understanding alters......something that others couldn't see or understand....and more knowledgeable help when they decompensated at school. When I retired from the job....they were the ones I missed the most......I think because I had a special connection with not only them, but with their alters.
With that said, my stress level has never been lower and I am much happier not being a daily care-taker. In the last three years, I have spent time on me, learning what I like, taking art lessons, traveling, and spending time with other adults I can count on, who are like-minded. I can say, I prefer this life.....the stability, the calmness, and boring can be a good thing. There is something special about being a supporter of someone with C-PTSD/DID......but over time, it sucked out the life-force in me. I still miss my DID kids, and they will always be special to me in my heart.
When I left education, I realized I hadn't spent hardly any time investing in myself emotionally, spiritually, socially, or physically. My stress level went down, and overall life drama reduced significantly. I feel better about my life and my own direction....and mental health, now when I'm not doing mental health all day long.
It can be a lonely place to be counted on as a fixer/a supporter/and even lonelier when you have few others with whom you can share your burden without criticism or concern. If it is the marriage vows that keep you there, just know that at the time, when she said the vows, she may not have been able to keep them. Since she suffers with DID, not all parts of her may understand the need to being committed and what that means in a loving relationship.....as yourself, that actions may be immature. and that you likely will never have a "balanced relationship"" As a person with DID, she may not be able to commit to keeping those vows....but with that said, I also don't know her and her alters like you do. Sounds like you are having a rough go of it......take some time for you and think about what you want your life to look like 10 years from now....and can it ever be that way where you are.......and can you change her? The only person you can change....is you and you deserve to be happy.
