D
Deleted member 47099
So, I have a background of childhood trauma, which resulted in PTSD.
A few years ago, I got into a relationship, which turned abusive.
Up until that point, I'd always been able to avoid abusive relationships... My childhood trauma made me hypervigilant re abusive situations, and so I'd leave at the first sign, always managing to stay safe in relationships.
Until this particular relationship.
It started really wonderfully - a long "honeymoon phase" that was beyond lovely... But I've since read that that's really common in relationships that later turn abusive.
The abuse wasn't physical or sexual - it was (just) emotional and verbal abuse - blame, insults, threats, blackmail, mind games, controlling behaviour, irrational jealousy, silent treatment, tantrums, etc.
Because there was no physical or sexual violence involved, I can't stop my brain from saying "it wasn't that bad" and "it wasn't a big deal" and "it doesn't really count as abuse".
And because the relationship was so wonderful prior to it getting abusive, it makes it even harder to grasp that the abuse was real.
I broke up with him 5 years ago now, and have been trying to process the abuse and the horrific breakup, that whole time.
Nothing has ever messed with my head that badly... Not even the childhood trauma.
Has anyone else gone through "just" emotional and verbal abuse in a relationship?
How do you validate for yourself, that it really is real abuse?
A few years ago, I got into a relationship, which turned abusive.
Up until that point, I'd always been able to avoid abusive relationships... My childhood trauma made me hypervigilant re abusive situations, and so I'd leave at the first sign, always managing to stay safe in relationships.
Until this particular relationship.
It started really wonderfully - a long "honeymoon phase" that was beyond lovely... But I've since read that that's really common in relationships that later turn abusive.
The abuse wasn't physical or sexual - it was (just) emotional and verbal abuse - blame, insults, threats, blackmail, mind games, controlling behaviour, irrational jealousy, silent treatment, tantrums, etc.
Because there was no physical or sexual violence involved, I can't stop my brain from saying "it wasn't that bad" and "it wasn't a big deal" and "it doesn't really count as abuse".
And because the relationship was so wonderful prior to it getting abusive, it makes it even harder to grasp that the abuse was real.
I broke up with him 5 years ago now, and have been trying to process the abuse and the horrific breakup, that whole time.
Nothing has ever messed with my head that badly... Not even the childhood trauma.
Has anyone else gone through "just" emotional and verbal abuse in a relationship?
How do you validate for yourself, that it really is real abuse?