Fed Up With The Rollercoaster Of Emotion

[KP the nut]

I want to give up. I'm so tired of fighting and pushing. I'm doing everything I should, I'm even saying the right things, the things people expect me to say. But inside and when I am on my own I allow that to slip away, I feel so lost, hurt, alone, confused, not worthy, scared, anxious........ Then someone phones, I go to work or H comes home and I'm back playing the 'normal' me. I feel like a robot.

:(:confused::cautious::cry::notworthy::speechless::sick:

People keep saying I'm doing well, T, friends, family. Truth I'm not doing well, I don't know if I ever will.

I have to see three specialist consultants, before I can continue with my conpensation claim. Each will try and disclaim that I don't have PTSD, dental problems and my broken neck and shoulder injuries. Maybe I did die in the crash and this is the hell I deserve. No-one can prove hell, fire and brimstone. Maybe this is hell.

So tired.

 

[Deleted member 6617]

KP, I have been where you are at. I know that hell you are speaking of. I know it feels like it will never end or get better. I am here to tell you it will though. It really will get better. Ride this wave KP...hang on and ride it through. It really will get better. I don't know when, but please hang on and know it will. Sending you strength, courage, and linking arms. ((((KP))))

 

[intothelight]

Hi Kath,

This does feel like Hell sometimes, but I am right there with you. It just SUCKS when you start to feel better and then get knocked back down again. Sometimes it feels like living a lie, when things look so "normal" on the outside but are so messed up on the inside.

Kath, you didn't deserve this and I really don't believe that any of us here did. You lived and I am so glad that you did as your brighten up my life with your posts, sense of humor, and genuine honesty.

What if we all link arms and make a break from Hell? Drink wine, eat chocolate, curl up on the couch with your dogs or whatever it takes to get over the rough spots.

(((hugs)))

Deb

 

[KP the nut]

((PH)) ((Deb))

Thank you, I feel so far down, I just can't see the way up. If I had T right now, maybe I could let it all go, but no T until 1pm tomorrow.

Drink wine, eat chocolate, curl up on the couch with your dogs or whatever it takes to get over the rough spots.

Financially, v poor until Fri, so no choc or wine. The dogs are good but not a lot is helping.

Also eat choc and drink wine = calories = guilt = self loathing = eat choc and drink wine = calories = guilt = self loathing.............

 

[Lionheart]

The main "T" I spent most of my recovery experiences with had a sign in her office that used to bug the heck out of me, it said, "Sometimes you have to take the leap and build your wings on the way down." ....and that is exactly what I did. Which reminds me of another saying I used to hate; " It feels worse before it gets better." But it is the truth. So many times I could not see my way to the light at the end of the tunnel and now, years later, I find out that I am the light at the end of the tunnel. It does get better, a little at a time, but it does get better. Wishing you the best KP!!!!

 

[KP the nut]

It would be a start if I could stop crying. Not the loud sobbing healing crying. But the sit with tears unstoppably rolling down the face, silently screaming in pain.

 

[Lionheart]

I bought myself a plush blue teddy bear to hold to my chest when I went through the worst of the crying spells. It is like giving yourself a hug when there is no one else around to give you one. Just an idea. (((hugs))).

 

[shadowchaser]

Also eat choc and drink wine = calories = guilt = self loathing = eat choc and drink wine = calories = guilt = self loathing.............

Guilt free choc. Naturade protein drink. I have problems with alot of dairy and the such. And also on a diet right now. The naturade tastes just like a chocolate shake. You can't even taste the soy and it fills you up. So you get the choc you crave (yes actual coco in it) without the sugar and fat. I buy it at sam's club.

 

[Deleted member 6617]

KP try and wrap yourself in the love and strength and courage of those here. It really did help me to visualize a quilt made of all the encouragement and love I received from peoples posts and wrap myself in it and let it sooth the pain as I waited for it to subside. Wrapping you in strength (((((KP)))))

 

[Lionheart]

It would be a start if I could stop crying. Not the loud sobbing healing crying.

Just a reminder that all crying is healing and you won't do it forever. I used to think that I would cry until I literally died from the grief. I didn't. I would take your tears away for you, but it would rob you of the opportunity to heal from within. The healing work you are doing isn't easy and I, for one, applaud you for undertaking the task.

 

[Iam]

I'm sorry Kath. I really like what Lionheart said. It is so true.

I just finished reading "The Road Less Traveled" and it talks about how hard we try to avoid pain. I realized that I am doing that still. That somewhere deep down I was hoping therapy would help me to deal with situations without having to feel the pain. Funny because I used to be numb and my T told me long ago that how much joy I can feel is directly correlated to how much pain I feel. Kind of like a rubber band. I hated that statement and still do. Personally, I'd rather have the joy without the pain. Doesn't make you feel better I know, but maybe you can just accept the pain right now knowing that it is helping you grow and that it will subside.

(((HUGS)))

 

[Froggie]

Linking arms with you my dear friend, you're going through a rough period and you are asked to have enough energie to deal with a job on top of all that. For the person who decided that she wanted to end the friendship, maybe she is dealing with something that she didn't tell anyone about. There is nothing you can do expecially when you don't even know why this happened. Be gentil with yourself, the KP we know is a very fantastic person who went through alot. (((((KP)))))