Fed Up With The Rollercoaster Of Emotion

[KP the nut]

For the person who decided that she wanted to end the friendship, maybe she is dealing with something that she didn't tell anyone about. There is nothing you can do expecially when you don't even know why this happened. )

He, and it has knocked me right down.

 

[KP the nut]

((Lionheart)), ((PH)), ((Iam)), ((SC)), ((Froggie)), ((Friends)),

Thank you. I've walked the dogs and been to ths shop to buy wine (a glass is at hand) and chocolate. I've been married to long, I arrived home at the same time as H and he had bought chocolate :rolleyes:.

I'm sorry I've been a grump. Everything seems to be pressing in, physically and emotionally. I've taken painkillers, which I'd avoided and eaten a banana (first food since breakfast - v bad). The fresh air and playing with the dogs has made me calmer.

A relaxing night, no computer later, just try and put stuff overwhich I have no control into my imaginery bag. Work in the morning so an early start and then T in the afternoon.

Breathe and ground.

Thank you, I love you peeps.

 

[KP the nut]

I bought myself a plush blue teddy bear to hold to my chest when I went through the worst of the crying spells.

My H will think I'm crazy and the dogs will think it is for them, but I think it is a lovely idea and will look out for one.

 

[KP the nut]

OK, I love my T - but not in the physical, rude sense :roflmao:.

We didn't do EMDR today. He made the error of how did the week go and BAM, I didn't hold back, just spewed forth all the hate, self loathing, failures, inadequacies, fears ........................ So we spent the session looking at this and trying to unravel, make sense of and put my feelings into perspective.

The problem is, he is contracted to look at the PTSD from the trauma, mainly focusing on getting me driving with little hypervigilance and anziety and can't focus too much on the rest of the crap. He will send my GP a letter at the end of therapy ( 4 more sessions) to recomment I am re referred for the other issues, which he says I do need to work on. He thinks I should have a short break from T after this round. I will be referred back to his service but will possibly have another T.

I loved the fact that he didn't push EMDR, that we looked at where I was at the start of treatment and the progress I have made. I need to accept that I can no longer do hobbies which I enjoyed and look at taking up new ones. So I need new goals to aim for.

He made me realise that I have been in denial for 14 months. I will physically not recover much more than I am now and I need to accept that. Maybe now I am at the stage to do that.

(((HUGS))), thank you for your support yesterday, you peeps are amazing. I'm not 'up' there yet but I can see a way.

I made fudge for you all - enjoy

 

[AngelaMarie]

The photo of the fudge is very nice!!!:tup:

 

[Reclusive]

It sounds like you're feeling a little better. I can kinda understand a little - I have a nerve issue caused by bad ergonomics that worker's compensation determined was due to my painting and planting. So I can't do those anymore... or write, draw, hold things very long. I even have trouble using my camera. I'm so sorry you were feeling so low.... I've been pretty low the last couple weeks and have started sleeping with my fiance's teddy bear from when he was little. It really helps a lot.

With your friend, you can choose the leave the door open or you can choose to shut it, but you can't make him walk back through it. Obviously he has something he has to deal with on his own, but you get to choose what to do with the door.

And I SOOOOOO want fudge now but it makes me so sick.... that looks delicious! Just remember how far you've come. And maybe, sometimes... take the mask off. I think the mask makes us worse because it reinforces that how we feel is wrong. Maybe if we didn't bottle things up so much, they wouldn't overwhelm us like they do. Just a thought. I'm fighting with my own mask right now - it doesn't want to budge, but it tires me so much...... It's 4am, so I apologize if I don't make sense.

 

[KP the nut]

(((HUGS Reclusive)))

With your friend, you can choose the leave the door open or you can choose to shut it, but you can't make him walk back through it.

I talked with another friend last night, it would appear I am not the first and possibly won't be the last he has affected here. The door is well and truely closed. I need to focus on me and true friends.

It's 4am, so I apologize if I don't make sense.

You make perfect sense, but I worry for you, have you managed any sleep?

I am on the look out for a huggable teddy, H will think I'm crazy and the dogs will want to claim it as theirs but something soft to hold sound so comforting.

Love
KP

 

[Reclusive]

(((KP))) Good on you for making a decision. Now the relationship/non-relationship is back on your terms. You have the control.

Ummm... I did get to sleep eventually. My hunny got up at 7am and sent me to bed. I haven't been sleeping much at night lately. Or I do and I sleep for 16 hours. Between stress and my meds, my sleep is completely screwed up.

Yay for huggable stuffed animals! They make some SUPER soft ones now, too, so hold out for a really good one! And be selfish with it - all yours, nobody else's!

 

[KP the nut]

I'm tired today, I had really painful leg, ankle and foot cramps during the night.

Whilst H and I were sat in the garden yesterday I tried to tell him about my fears if I can't cope working full time, he just thinks I will get over this, I'm not sure. Work has been such an effort, yes I enjoy it but the constant trying to keep in the moment and the commuting is just too much.

Yesterday I had to do an emergency stop when some w****r just pulled out in front of me, not v clever as I was doing 60 mph. I thought I was going to drive into the back of him. I was proud though as I coped with it, didn't have to stop. I breathed through it.

 

[intothelight]

Kath,

Enjoy your day off and give yourself a break. It is scary to tackle new things, and I think one of the hardest parts is learning to trust ourselves and our own capabilities.

We just need to keep taking it one day at a time.

*Linking Arms*

Deb

 

[AngelaMarie]

I am proud of you, KP. You are being very strong. I also understand that it's hard when a hubby says it will be okay and you are not sure. Just remember how well you are doing.:tup:

 

[Tinyflame]

Your hubby is right KP, trust him- he knows you- even if you have your own doubts.
Try to be gentle with yourself, enjoy some time on your own, and fun together. That's more important -'today'.
(((((KP, xox)))))