Why Do Parents Hate Their Kids?

[raven123]

Safenow, I'm sorry you suffered all that. You had an amazing religious experience as a kid. I didn't have that as a kid. As far as I knew, I was alone in every way possible. Because of the spiritual abuse, I know I hated going to those churches and I didn't think God or anyone cared about me. His people didn't, or never showed it, which is the same to me. I wish my experience would've been different. Maybe I wouldn't have wanted death back then. :(

 

[Tanishq]

All I'm saying is try talking to them try and help them understand and try to understand where their coming from.

Don't take me wrong if I say this. Most people don't want to listen or understand, so it is sometimes useless to speak about it. Trying is good, but if that doesn't work we have to stop. You have to look for person's willingness to listen towards us.

 

[piratelady]

The caps made it sound like he was yelling at me, which he was. I've been yelled at so much I can take it anymore. Sounded like "get over it", move on and fix yourself. I've tried. I don't know how. If I could, I wouldn't be here.

Raven, I would like to take this opportunity to remind you of one of the rules for this forum. Rule #5: No member has a crystal ball, so don't guess or think you know what another is thinking; ask or clarify if a response is taken the correct way.

Communicating in this world is difficult. Communicating online is more difficult. I would suggest, in the future, if you read a post with evokes such a response in you, that you take some time to walk away. Come back when you are feeling more calm and re-read what they said. If it still causes you to question it, then calmly ask them what they were trying to say. They could be talking about "apples" and you heard "oranges". Also, remember rule #1 which is: All members are allowed their opinion, neither right nor wrong, and a person's opinion must be respected.

 

[Tanishq]

I agree with Piratelady on communication offline and online. Online is very difficult than offline, I believe. You have to be very careful and straightforward while talking online.

 

[Philippa]

They don't hate their kids they just don't know what to say because they know somethings wrong with us.

In the case of parents with children who are living with PTSD this is true, however, raven123 is talking about parents who raised him/her in a religious household and abused them chronically for years. That is clearly not a loving environment.

This sort of thing never happened to them they never had to worry about PTSD or depression before. All I'm saying is try talking to them try and help them understand and try to understand where their coming from.

I agree with Jaret, many to MOST parents don't want to listen. many of us here have had that same experience. In my case, my parents were in the psychiatrists room with me when she gave them the diagnosis...and 10 years later, they still don't get it, or have even acknowledged it. It went in one ear and out the other.

You can't expect people to keep trying with parents who blatantly aren't interested in knowing about it.

 

[safenow]

His people didn't, or never showed it, which is the same to me. I wish my experience would've been different. Maybe I wouldn't have wanted death back then.

That is one way you can tell who are His children and those people who "claim" or only say they are. Words are cheap, actions make all the difference. Compare, and you will see there are good and bad in all church on the face of the earth. Truth from error is by the actions not the words.

i wish I could say I never wanted death, knowing what I know, but I did. But it wasn't my time to go home (back to live with God and those who love me on the other side of death). When the time comes, I'll embrace it. But until then, I just have to live. That doesn't mean I have to suffer. It just means I (the spirit, and mind) have to stay in the body until I'm called home. The good things about dissociation is you (your mind) doesn't have to stay there while evil is done to the body) I believe I got this body so I could learn. Good grief, the things I've learned.

Laughter is good for you. Physically good for you. I recommend it highly.

I wish you good luck in finding your path in this journey of healing. Gentle hugs if you'll allow them.

 

[Anna]

Do you know, sometimes I wonder to myself why people have kids.

I think in order to hate you have to love, so I think they just don't care. They are too obsessed with their own lives that they have no time to care, they allow bad things to happen, do not support their kids emotionally, may neglegt them physically and emotionally because, they just don't care.

My parents were never there, and when they were me and my brother were just an annoyance. Instead of wanting to spend time with us when they came home like most "normal" people would if they rarely saw their kids, they saw us as a pain or annoyance. The TV or time alone was more important, this leads to neglegt.

When I was assaulted, my mother cared more about the shame or guilt it would bring on them. They didn't give a flying crap about my injuries or psychological well being.

They just don't care.

I am finding in life most people don't care about anything. It is even more sad when it is their own flesh and blood.

 

[intothelight]

Why do parents hate their kids like that? How do you get over that stuff?

I have no clue why parents hate their kids, as I will never understand why mine did. It wasn't until I had my own children that I fully understood how abnormal my own mother was. It wasn't me, it was her.

I don't know if I will ever get over it, as there will always be a piece of me that is hurt by it and will always "miss" what should have been on some level. But it isn't something that I let impact my life now, other than to know I will never treat another person like I was treated.

We really have no control over what was. The only thing we have control over is how we view the present and the choices we make upon those views. I no longer allow manipulative, selfish, controlling, and cruel people into my life. Life is too short and should be spent with those that we like, love and respect, and who do no less for us.

 

[Anna]

I have no clue why parents hate their kids, as I will never understand why mine did. It wasn't until I had my own children that I fully understood how abnormal my own mother was. It wasn't me, it was her.

Ditto, and I really cannot understand how they can be so cruel and inhumane. I just don't understand it. How could anyone do that to a person they are supposed to love and care about?

 

[Tanishq]

They just don't care.

Thanks Anna, this helps me a lot. I needed to hear this to accept my reality. Anna, mine parents are the same. I have been always annoyance for them and they were never there to take care of me. Never tried to understand or listened to me with calm mind. Always angry towards me.

I myself have wondered on that question last couple of times. If they didn't want to take care me, why they kept me with them? If you don't want to take care of responsibility you have taken in your hands and wants to keep run away from it, why even take responsibility first place.

I will produce kids to love them and grow my family further. There are other reasons,too. I will be clear on that thing. I will take care of them and love them to death.

 

[The Albatross]

I think (to myself) that its because many people who have no interest or ability in parenting have kids. I know my own parents were young and self involved, neither prepared for the role.

I don't think parents hate their kids, I think they have an idealized scenario about having children and then can't square it up when confronted with the reality of child rearing.

Some are immature, some have undiagnosed or diagnosed mental healthi issues, some have substance abuse issues, some have backgrounds in abuse... cyclictic behaviors revisited on the "next generation".

No wonder I'm so messed up. But I am an adult and I don't have to stay "there". I can make decisions and actions to stop the cycle. For myself that included not having any children.

 

[raven123]

What I'm so broken-hearted about is the theft of my life, what could've been, not was done. :(

Having no friends locally to talk to, anybody to talk to when you find out the extent of the damage makes it hurt even more.

Intothelight, "It wasn't until I had my own children that I fully understood how abnormal my own mother was...."

I'm sorry. Since I'm 44, children was stolen from me. Might be a good thing since a lot of bad stuff could've been passed on to them. It still hurts bad. Friends, marriage, my sexual innocence, spirituality, college, stable employment, retirement (most likely I'll never retire) was stolen from me, too.

Except for sex, women wanted nothing to do with me when they discovered the mental thing, my shame (not feeling worthy of anything) and lack of social skills (not knowing how to act). A lot of lies were spread about me. I knew people talked. And, those were church people. LOL I am, or was, attractive. I'm sure some were interested (I didn't know who), but evil people that hate people with problems did me in. Gossip destroys people's reputations and turns people off that would like people like me. I will never tell my problems casually again to anyone in social circles. Business people did the same to me. :(

I've noticed most women with mental issues don't suffer the gossip because most men just don't gossip like that really. I said most. I know in the hospital once a woman told she was raped at a young age (like 9 or something) and everyone was so sorry and consoling her. Then, I told that I was raped at 3 1/2 years old. Silence pretty much. Even the shrink, who told me I was hopeless (hey, that's 4 shrinks now! Forgot her) the next day, acted like she could totally care less. That next night I told me psychiatrist I was fine and wanted to leave. I was still suicidal. I lied and wanted to leave cause that shrink ran the groups, which were now a waste of my time. He let me go that next morning. I got so stoned right after I left, went to a company party and got drunk.

Self-hate is even more destructive. You become your own abuser. I used religion the best to abuse myself mentally. Many judged me anyway and basically told me God was a vengeful ahole. It was easy to hate myself with religion being taught that. The spiritual abuse groups I've read say I'll struggle with that the rest of my life.

Safenow, I was raped by a man and a woman. I understand some, not all, that you went through. The worst part of mine was it wasn't violent so even more confusing. I may have told someone something if it had been violent. Know what I mean?

It's not fair but I see men, as a whole, as violent, abusive jerks because of my sperm donor and the male rapist. I have a panic attack if I'm alone with a guy. Had one the other night with my doc cause he acted like a jerk, was pissed and was pretty close to yelling at me. Never seen him like that. His office didn't give me the proper information and he still blamed me for not knowing. His office people apologized. He didn't. Big doctor too good for that. Arrogant asshole.