Endless Loop...

[Becky_From_Canada]

I haven't been on the forums for a few days because I've been having such a hard time. Me and my therapist have been delving into a particularly ugly aspect of my trauma, and I've been having flashbacks more or less continually. It's like an endless video tape playing in my head. All of this is giving me unbelievable mood swings. One minute I'm OK, the next minute I'm bawling my eyes out, then I'm OK again, then I'm acting like some kind of antichrist... I must be an absolute pain in the ass to be around. The husband says that's not the case but I suspect that he's being nice.

It's bloody exhausting, and I feel absolutely wrecked.

Becky

 

[Azu]

((((((((Becky)))))))

I hope you feel better tomorrow.

 

[cat]

Hi Becky
Unfortunately how you are feeling is a side effect of therapy, you are reprocessing your trauma to understand it. I'm sure you've heard others say 'it gets worse before it gets better' & it's very true. Try to think of these times as healing, the more you reprocess the quicker you will recover.

Sounds like your husband is being supportive, lean on him during these times, you need lots of support to get through it. Something i found useful was to write down my thoughts, they wont always make sense but it does help & you could take them to share with your Therapist at next appointment.

 

[Powder]

Becky,

I've been there recently, too. It is not always just therapy that does this; any kind of triggering can send us into a tailspin. Therapy can make you feel like you "have to" allow the triggers. Maybe your T needs work with you on managing symptoms between appointments before you continue any further into the digging. If you're like me, you tend to hide how this affects you to the T. You don't want to make them feel any negative feelings, you don't want to sound as if you're not Up For Therapy. It's okay to say that this is too fast.

Whatever you decide, this forum is also here to support you, and your husband is, too. You will feel better sooner than you think; we all do, but I know how terrible this is and how it feels like it will never end.

(((HUGS BECKY))))

 

[cat]

If you're like me, you tend to hide how this affects you to the T. You don't want to make them feel any negative feelings, you don't want to sound as if you're not Up For Therapy. It's okay to say that this is too fast.

I wish you'd written that before Muse, I thought it was only me that did that, it took me ages to tell my T! I thought I'd appear ungrateful or my worse fear that she would be angry & give up on me. Of course all that was unfounded & she was pleased I told her.

 

[surviving_it_all]

I too was happy to read this note.

I thought it was only me

I always feel like I am alone in this battle against the way I feel sometimes. I have been in quite the emotional tailspin. This time of year is so hard on me. I tried to get through it this year. I did as of today. I feel better. I woke up and thought it is over. That was all I needed was a moment to accept it is over. I made it through. Late March and Early April is hard because it represents past traumas. I was proud to know that no one held my hand through it. I held my own hand. I almost broke because of it, but I did it. Emotional tailspins of fear, vulnerability, helplessness, etc. I relived many aspects of my trauma recently. I even pushed the feelings towards the person who induced the trauma onto others. I hope that reprocessing of it will be healing as Cat said.

 

[cat]

Well done Sur, a great achievement! Reaching acceptance that our traumas happened & we are strong enough to get past them is a huge step.

My T always finished our sessions with the words 'Stay strong & keep going' they have been a great help to get me through my trauma anniversaries.

 

[Becky_From_Canada]

Thank you so much, everyone. You help me feel less alone and give me hope that things will get better. Like Surviving, I have a hard time in March and April because it's when some of the worst stuff happened.

It honestly never occurred to me to tell my therapist that I need to slow down. I've been thinking I have to just grit my teeth and push through it.

I have a 10-mile race tomorrow, and I'm hoping that will help me run off some of these feelings.

Thanks, everyone. You're all awesome.
Becky

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

Hey Becky, how are you feeling? How'd that 10 mile race go?

 

[Becky_From_Canada]

Hey Becky, how are you feeling? How'd that 10 mile race go?

Thanks for checking on me. The ten-mile race was absolutely brutal. Very difficult course, riddled with steep hills. Didn't make a great time, but a hard run was just what I needed.

As for how I'm feeling, I'm still on the roller coaster, but at least I am doing better at identifying what's triggering the mood swings. Today was absolutely awful. I had a couple of friends running the Boston marathon, and it's only now that I know that they are both present and accounted for, and unharmed. Been a day filled with worry.

Becky

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

I know it's so hard, but you're doing a great job and you're so brave. When you are through this rough patch, you'll be posting in excitement and I can't wait to share it with you :)

Yah, that Boston thing, crazy! I couldn't watch very much coverage of it. It depresses me greatly. Glad your friends are okay.

Sorry you didn't have a good day. {{{HUGS}}} <----hope that's okay.