Childhood Can You Really Heal From Childhood Abuses?

[anthony]

He says the car accident brought out my past abuse too.

That's the problem with PTSD... exactly the problem. You can heal all your trauma, you can be doing great... then bam! One traumatic incident / stressor of any significant emotional degree and it will drag up your entire history and throw it at you, again. People often become fooled then that their past trauma is causing the problems, when it is their present tense trauma / stressor affecting them, it's purely PTSD dragging up anything in the past to use against you.

This is why I say to people... focus on your present, not your past. If you've dealt with your past trauma, it is your present you should always remain focused upon. If you haven't dealt with your past, then your brain will pick and choose for you which aspects you need to delve into, and which dissipates itself as purely distraction memories cause by PTSD.

The problem with trauma is that if you haven't dealt with something in the past, that your brain is trying to force upon you, yet you ignore / dismiss... then your brain will just keep building momentum with that trauma until it shuts you down. Its like a game... listen to your brain for what is relevant, but don't listen to it when you've done it already and it's trying to use old issues to distract you from the real problem.

 

[shimmerz]

But the childhood stuff will always stay with me

I do agree with this but I have chosen to decide how it is going to stay with me.

 

[Tinyflame]

That's... exactly the problem (with PTSD). You can heal all your trauma, you can be doing great... then bam! One traumatic incident / stressor of any significant emotional degree and it will drag up your entire history and throw it at you, again. People often become fooled then that their past trauma is causing the problems, when it is their present tense trauma / stressor affecting them, it's purely PTSD dragging up anything in the past to use against you.

.. if you haven't dealt with something in the past, that your brain is trying to force upon you, yet you ignore / dismiss... then your brain will just keep building momentum..

..This is why I say to people... focus on your present, not your past. If you've dealt with your past trauma, it is your present you should always remain focused upon. If you haven't dealt with your past, then your brain will pick and choose for you which aspects you need to delve into..

@anthony , so I can get this clearly, how does one know if the brain is trying to reveal something else to be addressed (& therefore you should pay attention), versus a distraction memory (that takes the focus off the present when the real stressor lays there)? That is (other than subjective negative experience) how does one discriminate between whether the brain is trying to bring forward something from the past that we don't realize has value in understanding yet? Do we pay attention to how negative it feels, or how out of proportion it is to the present, or how unrelenting (vs dissipation)? What helps us know what is something that needs processing (& should be addressed or paid attention to) versus just considering it as rumination or distraction (which should be ignored or minimized (attempts to ground away from) ]?

(Thank you, sorry it's so much of the quote!)

 

[anthony]

or how out of proportion it is to the present

That would be the answer there. It is about assessing past work with present tense. If you have dealt with a memory in your past, and truly dealt with it, you have no ongoing effects, then in your present something happens, something new, something stressful enough to suddenly raise past memories, or traumatic enough, and now suddenly you have all these past memories in your head that you've dealt with and put to bed.

Don't over-think it, or complicate it... the reason why all those past memories are raised from a present tense event is because PTSD will use everything in its mental arsenal to try and take you down. Always think of PTSD like a separate entity within you, because that is literally how it acts. You can subdue it, but it never goes away. It's just sitting dormant waiting for something in your life to create a reaction in your brain of stress / trauma to a significant enough degree so it can activate, then drag up everything to throw your way to knock you down.

That is PTSD's goal... to knock you down. To kill you even. PTSD does this every day to people, either knocking them down or killing them, one way or another.

PTSD doesn't want you to focus on the actual problem, it wants to distract you from it, confuse you in your lives memories, so it can heighten symptoms, get active as possible again and reign supreme over your life once again. It doesn't like being dormant and controlled... it likes to control you with symptoms.

 

[Tinyflame]

That would be the answer there. It is about assessing past work .. If you have dealt with a memory in your past, and truly dealt with it, you have no ongoing effects, then in your present something happens, .. and now suddenly you have all these past memories in your head that you've dealt with and put to bed.

Don't over-think it, or complicate it... the reason why all those past memories are raised from a present tense event is because PTSD will use everything in its mental arsenal to try and take you down.

PTSD doesn't want you to focus on the actual problem, it wants to distract you from it, confuse you in your lives memories, so it can heighten symptoms, get active as possible again and reign supreme over your life once again. It doesn't like being dormant and controlled... it likes to control you with symptoms.

Thank you immensely @anthony, because you have founds words to describe what has been my subjective experience. I have wondered why when I know- I truly know - something has been dealt with why it can literally seem to be thrown back in my face & back on the table. And in my over-thinking I've thought all the work is for nothing.

And it really helps a lot for the validation from you to consider PTSD that way (as a separate entity, & a deceiving one at that). I've realized everyone is different, but I've stopped always from posting about it that way, because I don't mean it in a DID sense, & some people even say 'make friends with it'. But intuitively & from someone else's words I've found it more true (for me) that "PTSD is a liar". And that underestimating it's intent to bring one down can really show how lethal it is, as you said. But fore-warned is fore-armed. :)

Thank you so much. :) By your explanation I'm doing better than I thought. :tup: I just have to stay on the rails. I am going to keep that post. :tup: :)

 

[Karen12]

I was searching something recently and I have found a site called Faith-Allen's blog - Journey to recovery from child sexual abuse - Blooming lotus... the woman, who wrote all this, went through horrible things; and she is filled with hope... her articles helped me a lot. Perhaps it can be a source of inspiration for you as well.

Thank you for posting this blog. It is profound. I found it very helpful, especially how she described finally being able to piece things together after so long; how things that hadn't made sense to her up until a certain point finally did. I also found helpful that she talked about not being able to understand some things, and she has found a way to live with that.

@Notsowild - I wish I had a good answer for you. I think some things that happen during early formative years can never be undone, but we can learn to live with, or rather around, them.

 

[anthony]

PTSD is a liar

I would concur with that assessment. Its funny the advice people give, such as telling you to make friends with it. Who in their right mind would make friends with toxicity? PTSD will be your best friend, providing it's controlling you, and not you controlling it. It just continues to demonstrate how little people really understand about PTSD, and especially their own PTSD if a PTSD sufferer ever said to befriend it, in a metaphorical sense. Idiocy!

Well done for grasping what is happening, thus discarding the noise.

 

[Tinyflame]

Thank you @anthony.

Your post gave me hope. :) :tup:

One of the most useful pieces of advice I ever got was to tell 'it'/ the thoughts & intrusions to "F Off". :)

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes, I feel (in some ways literally 'feel' it, differently (body/ self/ soul-way?) that healing as it is can actually happen. (I never thought I'd be ever saying that for myself, btw). But in a sense I mean it on more than a cognitive level. Some 'shift in the gears'? Like today I had a near panic attack, or more like overwhelm, but while my body (& mind) nearly chose to race away, my mind & heart also heard what what made sense, & penetrated my head enough to feel differently & then be able to choose (stop), & without having to just try to white knuckle it either- as though for once I could take the reins but more peacefully & effectively.

It feels like much less of a burden or weight or pain or huge fear.

 

[The Albatross]

Its funny the advice people give, such as telling you to make friends with it. Who in their right mind would make friends with toxicity? PTSD will be your best friend, providing it's controlling you, and not you controlling it. It just continues to demonstrate how little people really understand about PTSD, and especially their own PTSD if a PTSD sufferer ever said to befriend it, in a metaphorical sense. Idiocy!

Hmmm. PTSD is an aspect of "me" whether I like it or not. Make friends with it? Certainly not... but unconditionally accepting that it is an aspect? Surely. It is a life long hyperactive instinctual response or injury... life long. Better for me to consider it an overly protective friend than an enemy.

 

[anthony]

Better for me to consider it an overly protective friend than an enemy.

How does PTSD protect you to rationalise that? Based on your logic, PTSD is only good?

PTSD can have some good attributes, and does, but the majority of PTSD is not good.

 

[The Albatross]

No it is not "only good" but it is my base protection mechanism. One that was formed... perhaps in spite of me but because of me. So I tend to include it in my base persona if that makes sense. No the majority of PTSD is not good... but it can and does carry the day in attributes til one can be more "expansive".

It keeps me apart and away from the world in some ways, but it protects me in others... in the world. Can't explain it really. I was formed though before I had the ability to choose. It is my default self protective mechanism. It is a detriment, surely, but it is also a safe gap/stop gap.