Speechless... Can You Help?

[Deleted member 28740]

@shimmerz. Oh this is so much like my situation. He was on meds, but as a friend (his son) would say just because you are crazy does not give you the right to be an asshole. He wasn't either. Just like to think of himself (HA HA HAAAA) as a giving person. Taker first, foremost and until his end.

this woman is not quite 'there' yet.

 

[Deleted member 28740]

Writing to fast and this brings up lots of creep reactions. - "He wasn't either" I meant that his intent was not kindness or giving. A taker an abuser and a very UGLY person.

 

[Hope4Now]

Just like to think of himself (HA HA HAAAA) as a giving person. Taker first, foremost and until his end.

:yuck: I know a few people like this. Ugh. Dangerous. Sorry you had that experience.

 

[shimmerz]

Just like to think of himself (HA HA HAAAA) as a giving person

Yes. I have found through this whole experience that some people have wanted to 'help' and make it known that they are helping. It almost seems like they want to be seen as a 'great person'.

you had such a hard time composing an email to her is that some part of you sensed something was off about the situation

Yes. This is exactly it. I trusted the minister though because I hadn't been around since mid October to see this miraculous 'change'. I trusted the minister but I didn't trust the woman due to past experiences. So I was torn. When I got the first email back from the woman it triggered a piece of me that went 'idiot! Why did you put yourself out there?' I am supposed to go to the meeting tonight but I feel like that piece is too open right now. I feel like I am not ready to expose myself to that yet. I will take your advice and have a bath and just chill out and calm my inner one.

 

[Deleted member 28740]

@shimmerz Your inner one is serving you well. Is the minister going to this meeting, and with all the guest and remodel etc. why bother? Sounds like more than a slippery slope. Hard to drag back up from that, even if it is a roof supposedly. Take care. Hard when you are (speaking for myself in the 'you")with out means on many levels. You are a good person. You don't need more unreasonable or unfair challenges. I think this situation would be detrimental. Having to process their ugliness and lack of clear and decent intent.

 

[shimmerz]

lack of clear and decent intent

This is one of the things the minister said as well. I was asking for clarity in what she was offering and she wouldn't answer in an upfront way. Yes, the minister will be going to this meeting as well. I made a promise to myself this week that I would say 'yes' when people asked me out and I feel a bit torn about this (back to Hope's inner dialog of you should do this, no you should do this, no you should do this) but I feel like it is best to keep away from this stuff for today. I thank you so much for your validation on this one Changeling. It is difficult sometimes when spun out to listen to the 'inner voices wisdom'. I very much appreciate your wisdom on this one. :hug::hug:

 

[Hope4Now]

I trusted the minister but I didn't trust the woman due to past experiences. So I was torn. When I got the first email back from the woman it triggered a piece of me that went 'idiot! Why did you put yourself out there?'

I get it. Not a good feeling (understatement). It IS good, though, that you took a risk and put yourself out there, especially given that you trusted your minister's opinion. Sometimes we DO need to risk relying on another person's opinion when we're not sure who inside to listen to. The risk is that the person we trust may not be right. It's not so different in the inner world...who do you listen to? I never quite know what the right thing to do is. Sometimes it turns out well and I feel I've made the right decision. Other times, it's a mess and I feel like a stupid idiot. But either way, I've made a choice as best I could, rather than just freezing and dissociating and letting the choices be made for me. That is healthy. Miserable, but healthy, I think. :nailbiting:

I feel like it is best to keep away from this stuff for today.

I think you're right. You don't always have to do what you've promised to others or yourself, you know. It doesn't mean you'll always break them. It is okay to back off. It is okay to take care of yourself.

 

[shimmerz]

It's not so different in the inner world...who do you listen to?

Yes, this is brilliant. This really struck me.

Other times, it's a mess and I feel like a stupid idiot.

And I think the lesson to be taken in this one is that if I make an 'out there' choice that offends an EP, they will let me know and I will learn. I haven't learned the lesson of today yet as far as EP goes but I do know there is one there. I think I am still too close to it. I am walling her off and I know that isn't good, but I don't feel as if taunting her any more is very good for me (or her) right now. I see that from her reaction the last two days.

 

[Hope4Now]

I am walling her off and I know that isn't good, but I don't feel as if taunting her any more is very good for me (or her) right now. I see that from her reaction the last two days.

Maybe consider it not "walling" her off, but gently and firmly asking her to go to a safe place until you can be with her in your SELF instead of another EP or ANP? Does that make sense? More later. I have to go retrieve a child. (A real one, that is, from school play rehearsal).

 

[seedling]

Rooting for you!

 

[shimmerz]

A real one, that is

lol lol lol lol. This is great! Just to have to make this distinction!

Rooting for you!

Ahhhh, thank you so much seedling! I so appreciate that. :hug::hug::hug:

 

[seedling]

Maybe (?) some of the anxiety about doing this, is that right now you have a place to live and that makes the present moment feel safer than taking the plunge to make a move and communicate about this new situation. Somewhere, inside of you, that moment two weeks away when you won't know where to go next doesn't matter so much because it's not right now.
Having to make the change in the present moment is scarier than what you will do in the future.