Relationship More To My Mixed Up Toxic Love Story

[Becksknox]

I'm sorry. I get angry, then feel bad and ask forgiveness. I need to forgive myself for my mistakes and stop being angry at me. I think I'm more angry with myself then with the ones that I allow to destroy me.

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

I'm sorry. I get angry, then feel bad and ask forgiveness. I need to forgive myself for my mistakes an...

You need to refocus that anger. You were abused by these people, and many times, we go on to blame and abuse ourselves for the past. THEY are the ones at fault. THEY gave you this nervous condition. THEY are probably drunk off their butts, laughing it up right now with their a-hole friends, while you are all alone in your room, living this personal hell that THEY instilled in your mind. Don't 'forgive' them so easily, get mad! If they want forgiveness, they should get religion. Anger is power. Just don't let it get out of control.

 

[Becksknox]

Thank you. I have days of being angry at them. Then it goes away and the deep hurt comes back. For months I couldn't get out of bed. I would cry or stare at walls all day. I'm very thankful that I have a great therapist now that is helping me see where all this comes from and why I'm trying to be loved by the wrong people.
I'm learning but I'm so afraid now that I will still screw up and be right back here again. I don't want to grow old alone but I'm afraid to be with anyone that I'm constantly thinking will wake up a monster one day.

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

That sounds harsh for the soft hearted, I know. Many of my postings are about getting angry, and taking up emotional arms against abusers. But, anger will numb the pain, turn defense into offence, and project the @$$kicking where it truly belongs..on THEM. There are probably some women's help groups in your area for feminine empowerment, or maybe taking a self defense class would help your self esteem.

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

Thank you. I have days of being angry at them. Then it goes away and the deep hurt comes back. For mon...

If you don't find a way to vent some of that internal pain, you will melt down someday. If you let them emotionally beat you down everyday, they are winning. Screw them! Take back your dignity and your self respect. Next time one of them contacts or harrasses you, tell them just where to 'get off'. Don't worry, they will live. And you will have the most important respect of all: self respect.

 

[Becksknox]

That's so true. When I went off on him the other day and treated him like he treated me he was shocked and actually apologized.

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

That's so true. When I went off on him the other day and treated him like he treated me he was shocked...

Good for you. :) They don't like the taste of their own medicine.

 

[Becksknox]

Nope the manipulator can't handle it when they realize they are losing control over you.

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

Nope the manipulator can't handle it when they realize they are losing control over you.

Very true. They can dish it out, but they can't take it.

 

[Milo's papa]

Yes, you're right. It hurts to be crushed so much though by the ones we love the most. My therapist to...

Becksknox, when my wife and I first met I had just come out of chem, dep. treatment and she recently returned from the middle east. To say we were both broken would be an understatement. She wanted someone to fix and I needed a stable relationship for the first time in my life. While in treatment, I made a vow to myself never to get involved with anyone that didn't have both feet firmly planted on the ground, but sometimes that isn't how things work out. Now I couldn't imagine my life without her.

Sometimes we can't help who we fall in love with. That being said, when a relationship turns poisonous, (as this one sounds like it has) then we just have to walk away for our own good. Always remember that YOUR mental health is the most important thing in your life. If he wants to be a dirt bag and use girls 20 years younger than him, he's not worthy of your concern. And if this young lady is gullible enough to buy into his BS, that her problem not yours.
Shed no more tears over this guy, rejoice in the fact that he's out of your life.

 

[Becksknox]

@Milo's papa I just found out he is now marrying this person he's been with for maybe 5 weeks. We were together 2 years and getting married. To say I am devastated doesn't begin to explain it. I thought I was doing better but this just knocked the breath out of me and I can't move out of my bed. They don't even know each other.

 

[Milo's papa]

@Milo's papa I just found out he is now marrying this person he's been with for may...

Becksknox, I'm soooo sorry. But this really does prove that he is a piece if s***. He's going to marry this girl, (maybe) before she learns his self. Then she'll be trapped in a horrible marriage until she can get up the courage to get out. Then she'll need therapy to get her head on straight.

Be glad it's not you. Call a friend over and get outside and see the beauty in the world. Please don't let this ahole rule your life. You're worth more than that.