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A new beginning

#50
Do you have anything to distract yourself with?

Sorry you are struggling right now, those early mornings battles are tough. You can make it through this because you have been through worse. You are strong and have been tempered in the flames.
 
Thread starter #51
My husband just laughed and made fun of me for being sexually abused in childhood a little bit ago,during an argument. He even talked about the details of what I went through and said "I bet you f*cked all your brothers and your dad too". Then he said "I bet I could get a good blow job from you if I put you in a box and put holes in it"(part of my SA was being put in a crate that had small round holes in it.I was forced to suck/touch whatever penis was stuck in a hole.I never knew which hole one would be stuck in.I did what I was told so I could get out of the crate).At first when he said that about a box I didn't know what he was talking about but then he went into detail.

He also told me he plans on leaving me but not until he completely breaks me down first.

I think he may have just completely broke me.
 
#52
My husband just laughed and made fun of me for being sexually abused in childhood a little bit ago,during an argument. He even talked about the details of what I went through and said "I bet you f*cked all your brothers and your dad too". Then he said "I bet I could get a good blow job from you if I put you in a box and put holes in it"(part of my SA was being put in a crate that had small round holes in it.I was forced to suck/touch whatever penis was stuck in a hole.I never knew which hole one would be stuck in.I did what I was told so I could get out of the crate).At first when he said that about a box I didn't know what he was talking about but then he went into detail.

He also told me he plans on leaving me but not until he completely breaks me down first.

I think he may have just completely broke me.
You don't deserve that. Nobody does. Find somewhere to go that's nowhere near that jackass!
 
#55
What you’re looking for is somewhere safe to crash, to get some physical and emotional distance. So that you can get clear in your head how you want to proceed. Every situation is different.

Can you stay with friends? Extended family? Hotel that does weekly rates?

Packing yourself a week’s worth of clothes right now may be overwhelming enough. I live in a different jurisdiction to you, but I still think the checklist of stuff to take with you on page 2 of this factsheet is an excellently succinct and super helpful summary so that you don’t have to get your head around what exactly you need to do.
What the heck do I pack!?

Pack.
Check into a friends place or hotel.
Make an urgent appointment with your T.

That’s all you need to do right now.
He hasn’t broken you. And you’re not going to let him.
 
#56
My husband just laughed and made fun of me for being sexually abused in childhood a little bit ago,during an argument. He even talked about the details of what I went through and said "I bet you f*cked all your brothers and your dad too". Then he said "I bet I could get a good blow job from you if I put you in a box and put holes in it"(part of my SA was being put in a crate that had small round holes in it.I was forced to suck/touch whatever penis was stuck in a hole.I never knew which hole one would be stuck in.I did what I was told so I could get out of the crate).At first when he said that about a box I didn't know what he was talking about but then he went into detail.

He also told me he plans on leaving me but not until he completely breaks me down first.

I think he may have just completely broke me.
What an unbelievably assholic thing to say. I'm so sorry. I hope you have a safe place that you can go.
 
Thread starter #57
I absolutely HAVE to get back in therapy. I KNOW this because I feel so much guilt and shame for even sharing what my husband said to me. As horrible as it was I feel like shit for it.

I haven't talked about it here,although I have in my private diary,he has health issues that affect his cognitive abilities.I can't f*cking stand not knowing how much of it is his PTSD,his health problems or if he's just an asshole.

I was so extremely hurt over what he said,I still am.

But I need help,I need professional help.I feel so sick physically over the whole thing. Who talks shit about someone with a brain tumor? I feel horrible for doing that to him

I feel like the most horrible person in the world.Yet I an extremely hurt over what he said.It would be easier if I didn't love him,it really would.

I regret posting about it at all.I should be talking to a professional and getting professional help,not posting anonymously on a PTSD forum.
 
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Thread starter #58
I think it's time I leave this place for quite awhile and seek help IRL.

I'm really grateful for what Friday said in the thread I made about my husband,before closing it.

I made a huge mistake starting the thread in the first place.I feel so hurt,so invalidated,so insulted and way worse than i did to begin with.

Pretty f*cking hurtful to be told that his tumor is just me making excuses for him
 
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