Relationship Am i even in the right thread?! i just need help!!

[Cleo1521]

I would like to know this as well.

What I know about loving a vet with PTSD....everything you wro...

I haven’t posted here in awhile and I’m still learning about all of this. We didn’t speak for nearly 5 months and we’re slowly getting back to better terms. He does this with plans all of the time. I’m glad I decided to come back. Everyone on here sharing helps so much.

 

[Veevivianvee]

What makes you say it will be better?

If I remember correctly he's in therapy, right? Remember th...

Of course he is going to be snippy ! Like that time I went in to get my brows done he was perfectly fine when I left, I come back and he's snippy as ever ! Wth did I do?! You wanna be snippy I'm going to be snippy right back . I didn't do a damn thing to you! LOL and of course I remember where that got me he had a full blown panic attack while driving and who did he blame for the panic attack? me ! Not the call from the va moments before I returned but me! and I some how had to take all the blame. So of course he will be snippy but now I know there's reasons for the madness. I can't control how he acts and what he does but I can control how I engage with him. I think this is the most valuable lesson I have learned yet!

He's in therapy....he blames me for that too! I always kind of suspected that he blamed me saying things like this is why I didn't want to go to the va until I had all my stuff lined up etc etc and then one day he finally hit me with I went to the va because of you ! I was fine ! Again confused....but I'll accept this because he wasn't fine..and I didn't force him to go the va..so I can accept the blame because I know the truth.just like I truly know now that he wasn't fine.There were so many symptoms I can think back on and say hey! There's a name for that! Or that's a symptom you're not doing so well... there were soo many. No I didn't help,but I wasn't the only reason he wasn't doing well. Therapy has been hard on him, he has made that clear but because I was so out of whack and taking everything to heart,I couldn't understand the it's not about you part of things. So as I get better I believe the overall health of the relationship will get better.
Sorry lol I'm venting in this as I truly need it, today was not my day.was really an I miss you something horrible and I feel like crying kind of day but I did well to focus on me and not text him.

 

[Veevivianvee]

Glad it is helping! I loved how many people came on and talked about how they were feeling and why, fro...

Its definitely a battle! But I'm truly glad I finally have people who understand:)

 

[Veevivianvee]

going to start a diary entry i guess .... :(

 

[Veevivianvee]

My thoughts are all over the place...and I'm not sure how to go about things....
so I'm going to try and ask for help here .

I think he's doing in patient therapy ? is that what you call it? Not sure how the Va does things.

Anyways i already talked about the vm that i left saying if you want to breakup, breakup properly. Again just really hate being in limbo, as he has not done what I've asked.which for most should be taken as a good sign but not for me..and i know you have all expressed that social media use doesn't mean anything .But as someone who didn't use social media, before he's constantly on Instagram and Facebook ....the reason this alarms me is because he said he has "limited phone use" this is what I dont understand...does anyone know if the Va would do something like this as apart of therapy or is this his own doing ? (mainly why i brought up the sm use because im trying to understand better)

I feel like I'm using every ounce of energy I can to not tell him he's pushing it with me in this relationship. This is it for me! I understand if he can't contact me frequently . but if you can't be in a damn relationship DONT BE IN IT!!

 

[Sweetpea76]

If that man is inpatient treatment you need to stop with relationship drama, like yesterday.

Seriously. Stop.

He is not going to be able to deal with it. You are adding stress. Stop talking and do some listening to him. Let stuff go for now.

He is feeling so bad he checked himself in. Now is not the time.

This is a Supporter Reality Check... right now is not about you or the relationship. It is about his mental health. This drama and nonsense is gonna make it worse.

If he is still contacting you that is awesome. Talk about the weather. Make light conversation. Don't be a ball of emotions that demands a mental patient comfort them.

If you cannot let it go, then do that man a favor and end it.

 

[Veevivianvee]

If that man is inpatient treatment you need to stop with relationship drama, like yesterday.

Serio...

I didn't speak to him about the relationship.
I honestly don't care to speak about such things as I understand the words mental health
I mainly vented in several parts of this post .
As my question was he said he had "limited phone use" this is what I dont understand...does anyone know if the Va would do something like this as apart of therapy or is this his own doing ?
That was and still is my question, the rest is venting. at this point from where I'm standing he should be the one to do his own self a favor, as I gave him that option. Sick or not I don't believe it's fair to leave someone in limbo. I however have not brought up ending the relationship to him as I thought it would be added stress. If he wants to end it he should. but I'm not going to continue to hold myself responsible for his well being.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Yes he would have limited phone use if he was in inpatient treatment with the VA.

 

[LuckiLee]

This is going to sound harsh but here it goes....

The man has had a mental breakdown and is in the hospital because of it and you are mad that he's on social media. Let the man do what he needs to do without the added guilt and stress from you.

He's trying to SAVE HIS LIFE.

✌

 

[Veevivianvee]

This is going to sound harsh but here it goes....

The man has had a mental breakdown and is in the ho...

I clearly said I don't know if he is in the hospital !! I assume it to be so because of him saying he has limited phone use therefore
You're missing the whole point ! I'm not mad about his social media use! I asked about the context in relation to him having "limited phone use" and if anyone knows if the Va uses this kind of restriction as a part of therapy?
This is a simple question! quit looking into the rest for facts that simply aren't there.if you can't answer the question stop trying to lecture me.

 

[Veevivianvee]

Yes he would have limited phone use if he was in inpatient treatment with the VA.

Thank you for answering the question! as I do not know much about the VA, and he did not tell me if he checked in. I'm simply trying to clarify while venting out my thoughts in the process so I can put two and two together .

 

[Freida]

There are multiple types of in patient facilities. Some allow you to come and go, use computers, have visitors. Others require you to turn in all of your electronics, you don't get them back until you check out and you aren't allowed to leave the floor because you are locked in. Some are in between -- you can have limited access to computers and phones and visitors at times but can't leave. Without knowing which kind he is in it's not possible to decide if he's intentionally ignoring you or if he's not able to contact you. But. If being on the internet or phone is causing him stress they will ban him from it regardless of what kind of program he is in. That can lead to erratic contact with the outside world.

They are also a ton of different lengths of times he could be in for. Could be a few days, could be a few months. There is no way to know until he is released. So you might be facing no contact or erratic contact for an extended amount of time. And if he is allowed to contact you and it raises his stress level (regardless of why) chances are they won't let him contact you again.

Hope that helps...