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Am i even in the right thread?! i just need help!!

Discussion in 'Supporter Relationships' started by Veevivianvee, Jun 5, 2018.

  1. Freida

    Freida Been There, Done That, Lived to Tell the Story Premium Member

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    @Sweetpea76 you crack me up!
    @Veevivianvee you're welcome! And yep -- no logic=no engaging. But more importantly, are you sure you are in a place where you want to deal with all this drama? because sometimes it lessens -- but it doesn't go away..... just sayin :hug:
     
    LuckiLee likes this.
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  3. Veevivianvee

    Veevivianvee Active Member

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    for me i was sure that i wanted him in my life regardless of all the "drama" lol but i actually dont know if it's the same for him..im willing and wanting to work through everything , but that's just me . i have no idea what he wants or doesn't want anymore and i feel like i cant ask because idk what his headspace is
     
  4. Freida

    Freida Been There, Done That, Lived to Tell the Story Premium Member

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    It may not be that he doesn't want to answer you -- it may be doesn't know what the answer is. I get like that all the freaking time. I'm undone, have no idea why, and just want to take off but I have no idea why. Hubby once confessed that for the first 5 years we were living together he didn't know if I would still be in the state when he got home from work. I couldn't answer that because I didn't know.....So he had to decide if he could live with that because I couldn't change that reaction.
    freaked out =run away

    Seriously -- I don't know how y'all do it!
     
    anon1234 likes this.
  5. Veevivianvee

    Veevivianvee Active Member

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    when he does say something about us when i dont ask and when he's snapped he screams that he loves me and i cant help but feel like that upsets him or if in that moment he's not sure why he loves or he loves me but really hates what's happening between us . hell could be all three but its never a good i love you. idk if that makes sense but the i love youalways sounds painful.
     
    Freida likes this.
  6. Veevivianvee

    Veevivianvee Active Member

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    does therapy work better if you're not in a relationship ?

    i want this person to get better ...so perhaps leaving is the best option
     
    LuckiLee likes this.
  7. Freida

    Freida Been There, Done That, Lived to Tell the Story Premium Member

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    That s a good question. For me it's hard to be in a relationship because this ptsd treatment crap is a nightmare that seems never-ending sometimes. And who do I take my frustration out on? The person who lives with me. It kind of runs like this...
    I want him with me because I'm scared/ I don't want him near me because I don't like him to see me scared
    I want to scream at him because I'm frustrated and I know he's going to forgive me,/ I don't want him around because him being around makes me want to scream
    I'm lucky I have him/ I feel guilty he's stuck with unstable me
    I want to tell him my stories/I can't tell him my stories
    I don't want to do this on my own/ I hate having to take someone else down with me
    See the pattern? I don't know what the hell I want. That's what makes this so hard. You ( and all the rest of us) are asking questions that have no answers.

    It's not about what's best for him. It's about what's best for you. If you read the supporters diaries you find people stay because they have found a way for it to work for them first - sufferer second. That's how they keep their sanity when dealing with our craziness. it's a bit like tough love. Another thing to consider.....therapy takes YEARS and it usually gets way worse before it gets better This isn't going to be 6 months and he's done. Ptsd is usually for life....we just hope to get better coping with it.
     
  8. Veevivianvee

    Veevivianvee Active Member

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    he hit me with the i need to focus on myself and you need to focus on being happy text
    so i accepted im 100% ok with that
    just slightly confused because it doesn't sound like a break up but it could be . so i left a vm telling him i respect his need for space and when he's ready I'll be here still supporting and loving him. i also told him if he wants to break up he needs to clearly say so.
    as i truly want him to get better if us not being together helps then that's that.
    we haven't talked but I wonder if telling him if he wants to break up he needs to say so was being on the harsh side??...
     
    Freida likes this.
  9. DFT1

    DFT1 Lookin for balance between supporting & own sanity Premium Member

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    I am fairly new here, but I can't help but feel this is a common trend with some of us supporters. We reach out and say something out of love, but the lack of any response makes you start over analyzing and second guessing everything you said or did because any little thing can set them off or make them push you away.

    It will make you go crazy and destroy your confidence.
     
    Last edited: Jul 13, 2018 at 11:26 AM
    Mytime, Freida and Veevivianvee like this.
  10. Veevivianvee

    Veevivianvee Active Member

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    yes! i feel exactly that way
    maybe I shouldn't be letting him know I support him or love him ..this is so crazy to me! I keep telling myself if it were anyone else I wouldn't be here. I've easily left guys for the smallest of offenses .I tried to make it clear. wow ! I lost my train of thought mid sentence ..idk what i tried to make clear . idk why it's soo difficult and hard for me to detach from him?? I'm trying my hardest to detach.This whole relationship was just weird from the beginning, I immediately became attached to him! I know that's extremely unhealthy. There's a bunch of never have i evers in this relationship for me and it's killing me! i even went so far as still letting him know that the family camping trip is still happening and that we all still want him there.He's been saying he's going since before this all happened. so i thought i would throw it out there.Guess what im trying to do is just hold up my end of this relationship. Do suffers ever clearly say i want to break up? or can what he said or should what he said be considered the break up?
    I know we fought again when we saw each other, but he clearly wasn't in a head space to talk about it. i tried a few times ,but major fail there! so i completely let the situation go. I believe I didnt do anything wrong therefore I can not, nor will I apologize.
    How can I?? I sure as hell wasn't the one on tinder ! So if we break up because of that good , fine ! that means you shouldn't be in my life anyway. I'm so angry and it's showing in everything i do now. i wasn't able to sleep well last night, so self care today will definitely be important.
     
    Mytime and Freida like this.
  11. DFT1

    DFT1 Lookin for balance between supporting & own sanity Premium Member

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    Take some calculated breaths. Do some guided meditation. If the potential of this relationship being over is the source of your anxiety, find a way to actually be okay with it if that happens... do what ever you need to do to take care of yourself.
     
    Freida and Veevivianvee like this.
  12. Veevivianvee

    Veevivianvee Active Member

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    trying to stop myselt from texting him.... definitely not easy. have been trying to keep myself busy, not working out at all.people have been asking me about him, or mentioning him all day and it just makes the process that much harder
     
    Freida likes this.
  13. DFT1

    DFT1 Lookin for balance between supporting & own sanity Premium Member

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    Do you have friends or family you can call or just go hang out with? Sitting around letting your anxiety run wild is just going to drive you mad
     
    anon1234 and Freida like this.
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