Are You Scared Of The Name Of Your Abuser(s)?

[Kas_Can_Fly]

My father and the worst other abuser both shared variants of the same name and I’ve known others by that name with abusive traits, both in my family (the name had been passed on through the generations) and out of it. Even one of the worst bullies I had, had a female equivalent of the name.

Now I'm very wary of people who I learn have that name and scared of them, I suspect (especially if I can't see them i.e online or through a conversation) that they are my abusers and they have found me. Or that they are abusive or will be. I also find myself going out of my way to avoid people with that name and even just the mentioning of it too. I could never have a friend or other close acquaintance with that name, this seems in my mind very discriminative, which overall I pride myself on not being. Not helping the matter is it's a very, very common name.

I wonder if anyone else has this kind of a problem with such a broad trait as a name, if you've managed to overcome it (I'm not even sure I want to, it seems too dangerous and icky to, at least for the moment). Just looking for experiences/stories really.

 

[digger]

I wouldn't say I'm actually scared of names, or that I assume others with the same name will share similar traits, but when I see or hear certain names, I find it impossible not to be drawn back in my mind to those people.

 

[CheeryFetchling]

I think even without PTSD, certain names resonate in certain ways. But having said this, if you are looking for a pattern you will find it. If you have and it's that clear to you, then it's not an irrational reaction, it's your brain noting something to try and keep you safe.

It is also a prejudice, which we all have to some level, but keep yourself safe as a priority.

 

[Meadowsweet]

Online, there are certain names that my mind will jump to imagine are my abuser - I check out their profile and anything they've written to see if I recognise that it is them.

I haven't been in the situation of meeting someone with the same name as my last abuser, but it is a name I hear on the radio station I listen to, and I can't help but have a memory of him come back. I think I could cope with being an aquaintance of someone with that name, like I could grit my teeth and look past it, but I would struggle to have someone in my house with that name.

 

[Friday]

Yep.

I know it's irrational for the most part, so I joke about it, but I won't touch the J names with a 10' pole.

I even joke with my good friend Jesus that his name is HeyZeus! So either an H or a Z. Not a Jay. Chiquita is loca, I know I know I know. Bite me.

The rational part is that scanning names to make sure certain persons are not involved with a group, organization, etc... Is just good common sense. While it's unlikely that so&so may be involved in some cases, it's not worth their lives or my freedom for me to find out on the fly.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

The name of the person who was responsible for the car accident shares a name with someone close to me. I work really hard never to speak the name of the other drive. He is always "the other driver" or referred to by his last name only. It was really, really hard for me for awhile because I had an association and I needed to break that connection. Mostly I have, but it took a lot of determination.

 

[y5L]

Yeah there are alternate spellings of one of my abusers' names, and my reaction only happens with the same spelling. As part of my job I have to type people's first names with their orders. It's just fast food so it really doesn't matter if I spell their name right or not. If they say the name if that abuser I start to get nervous, but to calm myself I type it the other way. For me, so far, it helps a little.

 

[jmni]

I have re-remembered some people with different names. For instance if they only use their middle name, I'll think of them by their first name.

 

[Leanne1]

I never say the name of my abusers when I refer to them in therapy.

It is hard enough for me that my T can just refer to them in conversation unexpectedly. It catches me off guard to have such things brought up in conversation.

I can't imagine if she said the name!!!

Right now she will say, " your uncle" or, " the guy who broke into your house" if she said the names!!

No way. I am careful not to speak them so I don't have to hear them.

 

[Ladyghosthunter]

To answer the question, no I am not afraid of naming my abusers and telling them they screwed up. They, of course, will turn it around and blame me but my conscience is clear. If it comes to it, I will start quoting the line: "Ne si hoc loco commorari induxistri super me et nomine Iesu Christi Domini et Salvatoris."

In Latin, it means, "Do not bring any ill will or intentions into this place in the name of Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior."

If they get more agitated, maybe an exorcism is in order....

 

[digger]

@Ladyghosthunter - I don't think this was about naming your abusers, but about how, or if, you are affected by hearing or seeing your abuser's name, and how you feel about people who share the same name.

It's great that you have no qualms about naming your abusers though:tup:

 

[Ladyghosthunter]

I was affected at one time but not anymore because their names have no power over me any longer. In fact, I say in Latin to them:

Mesete te.

"I feel sorry for you."