Avoiding life and what makes life special...relationships

[ms spock]

I wasn't sure if I was abnormal. Its always out there and I constantly feel like I'm a crazy person alone in the world. I appreciate your response!

You are most welcome! You are definitely not alone. You are so NOT alone!

The TV, radio and computer present versions of people's lives, which are not reality! It is all based on a classic Hollywood narrative with a happy ending. If you judge your life against a fictional story line you will always end up feeling bad about yourself so I advise, as much as possible, not to do it. Easier said than done I know.

 

[mumstheword]

I have this problem as well. I didn't really get that other people have this, I thought it w...

Sorry for the weird quote post yesterday, not sure how that happened, it was a mistake.

I used and still use food as well, but it's losing it's hold. Lately I've used alcohol, which I know is not good, but I'm not having much or on any meds and waiting on inpatients so I'm just doing what I can to keep from going under.
I'm fortunate, I think, that very early rape was completely dissociated and the rapes I do remember, I still feel nothing about. Of course it's affected my sexuality profoundly but I'm able to enjoy sex with someone I trust.

For so many years I couldn't really feel anything during sex, I was frozen and pretty dead inside, but I could masturbate myself and orgasm.

I think the relationship with one's self is key. Learning to self-pleasure came long before I could enjoy sex. Then self-pleasuring during sex.

I still have self-disgust feelings about my body though. That's a work in progress. And the pain in my vagina is an ongoing issue that comes and goes. Too much sex and it gets really bad and I have to have a break from sex for as long as it's too bad.

Luckily, I have someone great and worthy of my trust and respect in my life, otherwise I think I'd just give it a miss, on the whole.

Have you tried physical somatic therapies like TRE? This is directed at the OP as well.
TRE stands for Trauma Release Exercises. There is lots on YouTube about it.

 

[xena21]

Thanks for your reply. I never heard of TRE. I will follow up and look into it. I'm glad you have someone in your life now. Thanks again

 

[ms spock]

Sorry for the weird quote post yesterday, not sure how that happened, it was a mistake.

No worries!

Have you tried physical somatic therapies like TRE? This is directed at the OP as well.
TRE stands for Trauma Release Exercises. There is lots on YouTube about it.

I did try somatic experiencing therapies, and they were the people that exploited me emotionally, sexually, physically, knocked out my front teeth, moved in to my house, and did many things that that retraumatised me.

I am now doing The Alexander Technique, a lot is coming up.

 

[Mach123]

I like learning there are all these other therapies thanks? I wish I thought I'd take the time to look into any of it but I probably won't. I bookmark things now by sending myself texts and emails with links in them to things "I want to look at later meaning never." I had 3 years of bookmarks in Chrome when I tried to update an add-on (speed dial) and it wiped out all three years of work. I tried to contact google and I still think they are probably around somewhere but unfortunately, Chrome was made to overwrite certain files on startup.
There is no name for the therapy we do. Just "talk therapy" guess though she keeps her EMDR flashlight in front of her on the table like a threat, lol.

 

[MrMoonlight]

I'm still completely cut off from all relationships sexual, romantic, friendly...everything. Frankly I'm okay with it, not sure I'd make a good companion with all my stuff. My last girlfriend 17 years ago killed herself. She was such a mentally sick woman (from what I don't know), 10 years my senior. At the time I was too messed up to know how to help her (or me) so there we lay together in a bed of fear, depression and sickness.

I had to leave her because the two of us were "deep rollers" a silence of the lambs reference. I can barely bring myself to think about it truthfully. I'll never know what she said in her last written letter to me as I never read the thing. I threw it in the garbage. A couple months later she was dead, something I found out a few years ago.

So man I'll tell ya my life has been one of solitude fear and shame.

 

[mumstheword]

TRE is not like any other. No talk just physical discharge that is involuntary. If you fatigue the muscles of traumatized people they will start to shake and move involuntarily. It can look all kinds of weird but it is very discharging like years of talk cannot undo. I did it for over a year when talk wasn't enough.

It was designed for mass disasters and wars and such, where there are no enough resources for talk therapy for all. It can be done in a group and usually is. The releases are intense and any and all parts of the body can and do move involuntarily in ways that you couldn't even do voluntarily if you tried. Sometimes one can spontaneously cry, laugh, cough, look like you are running while lying down, or punching the air or terror is released through your face (I did a lot of that) and it is all 100% involuntary. Lots and lots of shaking is usually part of it. But you can stop the body doing it at any time. Afterwards you feel hugely relaxed and calmer than you were before but it can be cathartic so you have to go easy afterwards. Take things easy just in case. You can do it yourself at home if you want to try it. Just look up TRE on YouTube and it will show you how to do it for yourself. It's not dangerous but better to be in an environment you feel safe in, otherwise the body will hold on more, rather than release. It's based on the work of Peter Levine.

I'm still completely cut off from all relationships sexual, romantic, friendly...everything. Frankl...

That would be a lot to work through, just that right there.
I hope you can find some love and peace though.

 

[MrMoonlight]

Mum I have so much work ahead of me, I guess like most everyone though. It's just so difficult for me to trust.

Thank you so @mumstheword ,I sure hope one day to find peace and love...or at least brush up against it you know?

 

[ms spock]

So man I'll tell ya my life has been one of solitude fear and shame.

I so get this, this is where I have been as well.

 

[ms spock]

TRE is not like any other. No talk just physical discharge that is involuntary. If you fatigue the muscles of traumatized people they will start to shake and move involuntarily. It can look all kinds of weird but it is very discharging like years of talk cannot undo. I did it for over a year when talk wasn't enough.

Afterwards you feel hugely relaxed and calmer than you were before but it can be cathartic so you have to go easy afterwards. Take things easy just in case. You can do it yourself at home if you want to try it. Just look up TRE on YouTube and it will show you how to do it for yourself. It's not dangerous but better to be in an environment you feel safe in, otherwise the body will hold on more, rather than release. It's based on the work of Peter Levine.

I will have a look into it.

That would be a lot to work through, just that right there.
I hope you can find some love and peace though.

I hope so too.

 

[ms spock]

I block people by talking too much, and asking questions, then immediately checking out!

 

[ms spock]

Mum I have so much work ahead of me, I guess like most everyone though. It's just so difficult for me to trust.

It is!

Thank you so @mumstheword ,I sure hope one day to find peace and love...or at least brush up against it you know?

I would like to brush up against peace and love as well.