Boundary violation

[BigBirdsSister]

I am in panic stations. I was feeling really low a few nights ago and messaged my friend
but she was a bit drunk and wasn't supportive which didn't bother me too much. I just said I was going to sleep and hugged her good night (in text format)
Next morning I went to college. For most of the day she was wondering was I ok, but felt I was ok. She tried messaging me through the day but I don't have internet on my phone (its super old and I can't afford to leave the internet running on it anyway) so I didn't get her messages.
She then panicked and hunted my therapist down on Facebook.....Facebook!!! I didn't even express any suicidal thinking!
She (my friend) told me about it. I am not mad, but I am shaken. It is a serious boundary violation against my therapist.

I messaged my therapist by email apologising and to say I didn't give my friend this information nor did I have this information to give her. She emailed back that we would discuss it when we see each other.

I am terrified that she will think I was snooping her social media or giving out her personal information and breaking boundaries myself. I am terrified and mortified and so so scared she is going to terminate with me.
Any advice or even just consolation?

 

[Supervixn]

Respectfully... I think you're overreacting. You're blessed to have a friend who went that far. Everything is fine

 

[BigBirdsSister]

I appreciate her so much, even though there was no need to protect me. I'm blessed to have her and I love her. I am just super worried about the therapy. I feel the convo will be about boundaries not why my friend was worried. I don't disagree with you though, overreacting is likley. High anxiety and all.

 

[Supervixn]

Therapists deal with so much crazy on a regular basis... you think a good friend reaching out for your benefit would ruffle this profesional? Nah. You're fine.

 

[BigBirdsSister]

True....she might be just concerned I guess

 

[hymnless]

Ok something very similar happened to me a few moths ago- my wife googled my therapist and found her email online and emailed her. I was very upset, but it led to a really productive conversation with my therapist and she wasn’t upset at all. It was awkward for like 30 seconds and then we moved forward and didn’t waste energy on it. You’re fine. Also, if she absolutely doesn’t want to be able to be found then she wouldn’t have a Facebook profile, right?

 

[Sideways]

I tend not to tell people who I’m seeing, pretty much for this exact reason. Except for very close supports, who are welcome to make a judgment call and contact my T if they’re concerned about me. Beats them calling the police to do a welfare check hands down!

Because, armed with that information, my T can touch base with me. Are you okay Sideways? She may get tipoffs if someone close to me is concerned, but she makes the call about whether to be concerned based on her conversation with me.

Anyone can call my T any time. Her number is publicly available. Go right abead! She isn’t going to discuss my situation, or even verify that I’m a patient, with anyone. Except me. And that’s how it should be.

Someone calls her and says “I’m concerned about Sideways’ welfare”? She’s gonna say something along the lines of “Thanks”. Depending on who the person is (she knows who my supports are - we have a safety contract for those situations), so she can assess whether to follow that tipoff up with me. If I’m okay? Great!

What may be helpful moving forward? Is to discuss with your friend what steps you would rather them take, if they’re concerned about you and can’t get in touch, before resorting to contacting your T. What are the signs she should be genuinely concerned? What would be helpful for you when she sees those signs?

Do be aware: the identity of your T, and even the fact you’re seeing a T? Is confidential information. Be savvy about who you choose to disclose to. And know that your T will definitely (definitely) understand that it’s better to be notified by a concerned friend and have there turn out to be no problem, than for there to be a problem and no one contacts your T.

All will be okay. Totally okay:)

 

[BigBirdsSister]

I understand what you are saying and agree with most of it. But I guess the issue here is the worry she won't believe me that I didn't creep
her social media. My friend didn't get her professional info. She went through facebook. It's just a mess. I don't even know her facebook!. :(
I am sure she is going to terminate with me. Even if she does not, therapy with her is ruined for me now. I will never feel safe and secure with her again because I will be worrying so much what she thinks.
It took me two years to fee secure with my bff (different friend) so its not going to be an easy fix.

 

[Chris-duck]

I get where you're coming from but I honestly don't think she is putting as much thought into this as you assume she is. If she's that easy to find by clients friends on Facebook your friend almost definitely isn't the first person to have looked her up. It does not reflect on you that your friend managed to find her, your therapist won't think any less of you. I hope the next session you have with her you're able to come up with a plan together of how to get past this. Take it easy.

 

[BigBirdsSister]

I hope she isn't. I like her so much. She is the first therapist I have had who is super intelligent. I know that sounds bad...but its what I value in a therapist so I don't want to lose her.

 

[Supervixn]

As an outsider.. you are over thinking. It will be fine!! :)

 

[Orange Phone]

I agree it will probably be fine.

And really, so what if you did "snoop?" Many people do searches about their T online. Its human to be curious. In fact I think its a good thing to see what it out there.. .sort of like you are going to hire someone, you want to know any background.. like um, have they been to jail etc. I did a search of mine when I started... who is this person I will enter into a "relationship" with? Now that we are set, I've not gone looking and so what if I did? They can search me too..

And really, you know you did nothing wrong. IF, and big IF she were to react bad, that is on her. Its hard as we are so vulnerable.

Trust is tough.. Its hard to have this distinct relationship... of "close and yet so far" with our the therapists.

Hugs