Undiagnosed Can Finding Out About An Affair Cause Ptsd?help!*long*

[NovemberStar]

@Justmehere - I think PTSD can result from seeing or witnessing violence or sudden death, even if your own life wasn't threatened. Ie - ambulance or emergency responders - can get PTSD and it's not a direct threat to their life, but rather the result of the traumatic things they have seen or had to deal with.

But that death needs to be sudden / violent - not from an illness.

Having said that - I think it's a little undermining to suggest to the poster that if she doesn't have PTSD it's a good thing because PTSD is hellish - whatever the cause or diagnosis if any mental health issue, I think it can be a hellish experience. I don't think it's 'unique' to PTSD. I don't see PTSD as 'worse' than other mental illnesses - they are too mental illnesses and all impact the sufferer in major life changing and threatening ways.

I do think it can be underestimated how great an impact emotional trauma can do to a person. I have PTSD - I fit the criteria on a number of different experiences and traumas - yet currently, it's the emotional abuse at the hands if my mother that is creating the most difficulty for me in therapy at the moment. It has had as much of an impact (if not more) than the physical, sexual abuse, or even witnessing her death - yet the emotional abuse / trauma / betrayal isn't recognised as being a cause of PTSD.

 

[silkleaves]

Having said that - I think it's a little undermining to suggest to the poster that if she doesn't have PTSD it's a good thing because PTSD is hellish - whatever the cause or diagnosis if any mental health issue, I think it can be a hellish experience. I don't think it's 'unique' to PTSD. I don't see PTSD as 'worse' than other mental illnesses - they are too mental illnesses and all impact the sufferer in major life changing and threatening ways.

I don't think anyone was comparing PTSD to any other mental illness, I tried to read back over everything but didn't notice anyone saying it was worse than having anything else. Just that..in and of itself, @Justmehere described it as hellish, I'd guess based on her experience, and I would say I can relate, because it has made my life hell.

For nearly 20 years, I was able to cope, granted unhealthy coping methods, but if I had been diagnosed with PTSD at any point during that time, I would say it hasn't affected my life that badly and be annoyed that anyone is trying to say I have any mental illness at all...on reflection, I can see that it has been affected me all this time, I nearly lost my life because of it...but I was in denial and avoiding feeling anything so my perception was that there was nothing wrong with me that I couldn't handle.

But in the last 4 years, my life has taken a complete 180, I have completely lost control, and yes, it does feel like hell. So I can see how you would take offence to it being described as a hellish experience, because for a long time there, I was in so much denial that I would have said I'm just fine, no hell here..I would have been able to relate to what you're saying and probably been upset too at the idea someone would say what Im dealing with is anywhere near that bad to describe it that way.

But there are varying degrees of this...just because we have PTSD, doesn't mean that it has affected our lives in the exact same way. I'd hope that it doesn't make someone else feel like I am undermining their experiences, just because of how I feel about what I'm dealing with.

This isn't a race to who has it worse...no matter how bad a person has it, you can *always* find someone who has it worse or can relate experiences to make what another person is going through look like a walk in the park, and compare one mental illness against another. But that is not helpful or even really relative... because what we know best is our own biased view of what we are going through. And what we go through in our personal lives is still valid, no matter what other illnesses are out there or what anyone else is going through because it doesn't depend on what else is out there or who has it worse. If someone says it's hellish, that's probably just how they feel.

 

[NovemberStar]

@silkleaves I think you misunderstood my point. I very much agree PTSD can be a hellish experience - I have certainly found it to be so. That wasn't what I found a little off - it was the idea that its good if she didn't have PTSD because PTSD is hellish -it might very well be that what the original poster is going through is hellish also -not having PTSD wouldn't necessarily mean what she is experiencing isn't less hellish. If that makes sense?

 

[intothelight]

@~Inthedark~ Welcome to the forum!

I am sorry for the losses that you experienced and hope that you do get a definitive diagnosis so you may get the help you need.

 

[silkleaves]

@silkleaves I think you misunderstood my point. I very much agree PTSD can be a hellish experience - I have certainly found it to be so. That wasn't what I found a little off - it was the idea that its good if she didn't have PTSD because PTSD is hellish -it might very well be that what the original poster is going through is hellish also -not having PTSD wouldn't necessarily mean what she is experiencing isn't less hellish. If that makes sense?

I think so...I can kind of see where you are coming from. I think though that @justmeheres advice for her to go to therapy to get diagnosed is a good one since at this point its just a matter of her coming here asking if she has PTSD, she hasn't been diagnosed, so maybe its not fair to strongly defend her for having a disorder, when she doesn't even know what she any yet?

I don't think the heart of the message was that PTSD is the worst in comparison to anything else and or because someone personally feels this is a hellish experience, they are tying to imply nothing else is or no one else knows what pain is... I saw the suggestion to get diagnosed because it could be anything, a combination of illnesses, etc...which seems pretty realistic to me as stuff that needs a professional to answer the question she is asking here...

I didn't see all this as invalidating how the OP feels, or how much pain she is going through, but coming from a personal experience of feeling like PTSD is a self-described hell, with the hope that there is a reasonable chance that this person has a chance, through diagnoses and therapy at being able to recover from the grief of finding out about an affair.

ETA: I think the thing that stands out to me is how opposed you are to PTSD being described as hellish. And jumping to the idea of what she must have meant to say, to compare it to other illnesses, and that its worse than any others, even though neither of those were said (and just from my view, weren't even implied). And in the process, invalidating that someone would describe what they go through as hellish...which I guess, because I can relate, is what I'm finding kind of hurtful.

I'm a very straight-forward person though, and when it comes to certain things, can be pretty literal. So I will say, I did take what was said for only what was actually written and not anything else...what was actually written, that is something I can relate to. If there is more back story and other things like what you are mentioning have been said in the past, I'm clueless! So I can admit, that is something that would be totally beyond me.

 

[Justmehere]

@NovemberStar @silkleaves - Thank you both for the thoughts and feedback. I really appreciate both your perspectives and you helped me look at my words more carefully and consider other viewpoints. That's one of the many things I love about this forum.

Overall, I was trying to convey that someone can be going through horrible awful symptoms from horrible awful circumstances without having PTSD. I.e. You don't need to have PTSD to be experiencing awful grief and pain and trauma.

Someone doesn't need a PTSD diagnosis for people to know they survived bad stuff. It's not my heart at all to minimize what the poster has been through. My goal was quite the opposite, albeit poorly executed. Ah, I fear I am not explaining this it well once again. :/

I'm glad for the correction that yes, witnessing a violent or sudden death can lead to PTSD too,

The line I put about PTSD being hell, could be taken as being insensitive or minimizing the posters situation. I can see that, and it was not my intention. PTSD is horrible and I think we can agree on that, and with it without PTSD I think we can agree on the fact that the poster has been through really horrible things too.

My statement very much reflects my position that I personally hate that I have PTSD. After I posted and even before anyone responded I thought about the time where I was diagnosed with OCD. It was a diagnosis my two doctors debated if I had or not. I had some symptoms of to but not others. When one doc did say I had it, I did feel deep relief - like finally, there is a name for this, now I can get better. And I can deeply appreciate that this poster is probably really wanting that same relief too.

Thanks again for the good discussion.

 

[silkleaves]

Sometimes its not easy... especially on forum where we don't have inflection of tone or mannerisms to help us out, all stuff that guides us when pulling together someones intent and deciding how to respond.

A thing I heard someone say that I have been trying to keep in mind, is if something can be taken one way, or in the worst way possible, odds are they meant it the first way. I've had fighting words over someone telling me to have a good day...because I felt they were being snide about it. Seeing the worst way possible is something I'm *really* good at! lol Add to it, we are all talking from the view that we all know best..our own. So yeah...

 

[NovemberStar]

@Justmehere it's all ok - I did think that probably wasn't your intention and reflected where you are and what you're feeling right this minute. I did consider whether or not I ought to say something; decided to take the risk cos I thought pointing it out to you might cause less pain than if the original poster viewed your comment in the way I thought she might. If that makes sense

:hug:

 

[Hashi]

Thanks @digger below - I did post in the wrong thread. For some reason my antivirus software keeps jumping up and randomly moving me around my internet history, it's really strange.

I've moved the post - sorry.

 

[digger]

@Hashi - I think you maybe posted on wrong thread? https://www.myptsd.com/threads/can-...ute-to-creating-ptsd.45814/page-2#post-734287
Apologies if not