Relationship Concern And Worry

[Heather5522]

I just purchased a book - once a warrior always a warrior and I really am hoping it sheds some light on this entire combat PTSD. Two weeks and no word from my friend who is diagnosed with such. This is heartbreaking i don't know if i should try and reach out to him again or leave him alone. I am sure he is going about his business but i still can't help but worry. His official retirement date from the Air Force is 7/24 and I can only assume this is the reason for his distance or isolation. I feel like i am making excuses for him though. He has just left me so confused and worried!!

 

[The Albatross]

Well you've got two options, accept or act. Ruminating on what he's doing is only going to add to the confusion and worry. I'm not familiar with your relationship with the person, but I find it interesting that you use the word heartbreaking. When something is heartbreaking and worrisom, it isn't about the other person, it's about me. My perception, my feelings, my state of mind. Just giving you some feedback.

 

[Heather5522]

Thank you for the feedback. I had to think about if the heartbreak was about my feelings. Honestly maybe a little I just have seen him drinking more before he left for Colorado and upon his return after his last deployment he did attempt suicide, so my mind has been running. I've attempted to contact him but no response. Prior to leaving for Colorado he finally received his orders for retirement and thus was no longer ordered to go for his group therapy, thus he stopped and began drinking. I thought he was ok because he never showed any signs of his PTSD but now out of no where he is no where to be found. He's 25 yes old firced into retirement because of the PTSD and he is very bitter about that. You are right though either accept or act and at this point I have to accept. I can't be there for someone who doesn't want that...thank you

 

[Tinyflame]

He may not be able to not isolate or think he is a burden- only you know what he is like.
Or perhaps he has just kept drinking, and in no shape to communicate.

You can't control his behaviour, only your own choices of course, but if you are friends I don't think whatever you chose would be held against you.

 

[Toria]

Hi Heather, not sure I can really offer you any advice - but I would just like to say thank you for mentioning that book, I've looked it up on the internet and think I will add it to my list of things to buy. I don't think there are any hard and fast rules when it come to PTSD, but trying to look at it from his point of view he probably signed up for the Army thinking of it as a long term career and dream or that way of life has been ended by his illness. That must be an awful burden on him and although drinking his way through it is not the way to go, I can understand why he's done it. I'm in the UK where things and services are different but both the US and Australia seem to have good facilities for ex-forces so maybe once he does get out then there will be more on offer to him in the way of help.

 

[Heather5522]

Hi Toria - I bought the book on Tuesday and finished it Tuesday night (im desperate). It was informative and hope you get some useful information out of it. He did think of the Air Force as life long, he was a combat medic and was in Afghan twice and saw a lot of his friends die there and when they came back also due to suicide. He feels however tha practicing medicine here is frivolous compared to what he was doing over there and thinks there would not be any thing gratifying here helping people compared to how he helped medically over there.
Its been 3 weeks since i last heard anything from him, its hard for me to understand all of this and what he must be going through he never isolated from me before..

 

[LAA]

Heather,

You friend will definitely be struggling right now having to give up what he loves. My husband retired from his police career (had already retired military) because of his PTSD. That was over six years ago and it still bothers him and can cause a tailspin if he gets fixated. It doesn't help that I still do the job either, Im sure.

I know it is a bit different because I do live with my husband, but when he is needing to isolate, I am just certain to let him know I love him and am here when he is ready. He has told me (in lucid moments, certainly not when he is struggling) my just listening, allowing him the time and space and being there unconditionally helps.

There is so little really known about how to deal with any of this..so hard. You are in my thoughts!

 

[Heather5522]

Thank you LAA! I needed that today!! I don't know if my friend knows that i am here unconditionally anymore. The entire PTSD concept intellectually i understand but conceptually I can not get a grasp on it...From my research I understand that the isloation and detachment is part of the illness, over the 6 months i have known him i have never known him to do this that is why I a so confused.. Its been hard and everyday i tell myself not to contact him, if he needs me he will call me..Im just trying to hang in here by a thread : ) Thank you again!