General Concern Over Not Speaking

[Kathy]

Not speaking is nothing new with my daughter, in addition to PTSD she has a high functioning form of autism and so communication has always been a struggle for her at times. From previous experience, I know the situation usually resolves itself eventually. However I felt to write about it a bit today, as it seems a little more "serious" than usual. Evie had some very positive news just after Christmas, she was called for an interview with a comic book publisher in New York City. The actual date of the interview was her trauma anniversary (the anniversary of the shooting), however with encouragement, Evie travelled to NY with her father, went to the interview, and was hired! She begins work as a penciller/inker in March. It is a work from home job as was her last comic book position, so she is able to handle it. We are very pleased and proud of her.

However, since returning home and crashing from the built-up stress, she has not spoken. Additionally, and this is why I consider it a bit more serious, she is not writing notes to us nor does she wish to type anything. She is not even interesting in chatting with friends on the computer, something she is usually quite addicted to. She is simply pointing and making gestures. Even that though is at a minimum. I encouraged her to come on the forum today, I thought she should share the news of her job. She only stayed on briefly however, shook her head and shrugged her shoulders when I said she should type in the PTSD Success Stories. I almost typed about her job in there myself, I asked her and she nodded yes, however I then decided that is something she should do herself.

Perhaps I am concerned for nothing, however the no notes and no typing is rather odd for her. I am only hoping she is not becoming depressed.

 

[Seeking_Nirvana]

Hi Kathy, I'm sorry to hear this as well. If I remember correctly Evie stated in a post that she wanted to stay off of the internet as a New Year's Resolution type thing. So maybe not coming into the forum is just part of her sticking to her want for change.

I hope she starts responding soon.

Tammy

Take care
Tammy

 

[kers]

I understand your concern--this has a different quality than her typical silences, so naturally you are concerned. I susepct that the holidays, the trip to Venezuela, the job interview (and trip) and the trauma anniversary on top of it--that's all quite a lot to deal with. Evie has been doing great, but it's natural for her (and many others of us) to shut down to recover from overwhelm.

I think you're right to be concerned about depression--I find that often I stop communicating when I am particularly down on myself and my past/present/future. If she's able to otherwise participate in things--be with people, do things--then waiting and watching makes sense. If she's withdrawing more, though, that's more worrisome.

 

[Frankie]

Kathy, You are the one that knows her best.

If you are concerned about her right now, then you have every right to be. Not talking is not good ! I can understand you worry that she could be going through a depressions !

I would watch her closely and get her to talk about her new job, which is great ! Good for her ! Or maybe you should just go ahead and ask "is something bothering you?"

Maybe she feels it is too much for her ? and won't do too good on the job ? Maybe she is stressed about it ? Or maybe it is the build-up of many of the things that happened in the last year ?

 

[Kathy]

Thank you Tammy, Kers and Frankie. I am honestly worried about her tonight so I do appreciate the prompt and thoughtful replies. Frankie you are correct in that I do know her well, and this does not seem like her usual silences. I do find though that I am overreacting quite a lot lately, worrying too much about my children and so on, which is one of the reasons I am going into grief therapy regarding my son's death. Sometimes it's difficult to know when I am worrying too much and when I really should worry! Unfortunately asking Evie what is wrong is not helpful as she does not reply. Usually however, she will write notes to my husband and I, explaining what is going on. I think the fact that she is not even doing that is what is really worrying me at this point.

When I think about it (and thank you for reminding me of this kers), the last 2-3 weeks have been extremely stressful for her:

• prior to the holidays, some issues on the forum upset her
• she had a very bad asthma attack and was in the emergency room for over 12 hours whilst they tried to stabilize her
• she was frightened about our trip overseas though she did well
• she had a nasty fight with her father during the holidays, also some issues with emailing friends over the holidays, the outcome of which upset her
• she had the surprise (though positive) of needing to travel to NYC, having the interview and so on
• she was hired, though she is still having a bit of trouble drawing (her hands have been shaking from medication, though the doctor has said it will be gone by March), so perhaps she is also worried about not being prepared physically for the job
• she had her trauma anniversary very recently
• Colin is deployed to Afghanistan in 3 weeks' time

Now that I have written that all out, I see it is really rather a lot of stress for anyone, nevermind someone with PTSD! Perhaps she simply needs some more time to rest, though my husband and I will definitely be keeping a close eye on her and encouraging her to speak to us. She did have a cuddle with my husband tonight, after keeping to herself for the last 2 days, so that is at least positive.

 

[Jim]

Well. Needless to say - feel like a crap father re: our fight. And. I am also concerned currently. Has a lot on her plate. However. Evie is resilient. I am confident she will come round.

Jim.

 

[Jen]

Hey Jim dont kick yourself all fathers fight with their children! I am sure Evie is not holding a grudge! She is doing it tough at the moment?
Her not talking must be worrying if it is a new thing?
Thoughts are with you!

 

[Kathy]

Yes it is worrying Jen as it seems to be worse than usual. However, whilst it is worse in that she is not communicating verbally or in writing, it is also better than the usual silences as she is interacting with the family, smiling, hugging, doing chores and so on today. We called the neuro-psychiatrist this morning and reported to him how she is acting. He feels from our description, that at least part of it is her autism. Under stress, autistics can regress. Speech is usually one of the first things to go for Evie, it has been that way her entire life, we had simply forgotten that aspect. Since she now has PTSD, we often overlook that she is also autistic.

We are going to watch her closely over the next few days and the psychiatrist would like to see her as soon as possible. We have an appointment for Wednesday.

 

[pandora]

I am sorry to hear that Evie is having a rough time. There really has been a lot of things to deal with in the recent past....I am sure this is just a bad time ( the trauma anniversary being a large one) but she IS resiliant and I am sure as we all have rough spells...she will get through this. She is a strong young woman. Hopefully you will get some answers on Wednesday....take good care of yourselves...all of you.

 

[Kathy]

Thank you pandora. I believe Evie is coming out of it a little, which is a relief. She is on the forum this evening and posted a bit. She is saying a few more words, in fragmented sentences, however at least she is talking! Hopefully the worst is over.

 

[Jen]

Thats good to hear Kathy!
Baby steps Evie!!

 

[anthony]

Evie, start talking..... send me an email if you cannot talk to another, though I hope you would to Jim or Kathy first. The option is always yours, remember that.... only you can fix you Evie, nobody else can do it for you. Quiet is perfectly normal if you simply have nothing to say.... though if depressed and you know it, start talking now, get out of the house and exercise. Jim will tell you, even when you feel as though you have nothing to give physically, you will be quite amazed what you can do physically once you going.