Depression is getting over whelming.

[Bigglesworth]

If I'm not with my boyfriend or my parents I'm usually sitting on the couch doing..nothing for hours. Staring at my phone to try to block out flashbacks.
Sitting there just crying.
It's getting bad lately and it's getting overwhelming. I know my parents are dealing with their own issues as it was there son (they are my in-laws) that died and his birthday and the anniversary of his death is coming up.

I don't know what to do. I'm scared I'll be stuck like this forever. I just want to lay down all the time. I don't want to bother people with this, I don't know how telling them could help anyway.

I want to be able to tell my boyfriend that I'm doing okay, but I can't. I'm scared he'll leave or something.

 

[ladee]

You won't be this way forever. But it is going to take a lot of time and being patient with yourself to rest when you need to, and walk when you need to.

It helped me to read about grieving. It helped me to understand I wasn't being self-pitying, or lazy, I was wounded to the core of my soul. My heart was broken, and it was going to take time to even accept that my life was going to be different.

It sounds very normal, what you are feeling. But keep coming here and sharing and allowing yourself to be supported. It does make a difference to let people in when we can hardly put one foot in front of the other.

Sending hugs of understanding if you accept. :hug:

 

[Bigglesworth]

I guess I just didn't expect the depression to hit this hard in the second year because I had a stretch where I was doing really well.

Thank you very much for responding. I feel so lonely lately.

 

[ladee]

I feel it gets more 'real' in the second year. The first year is about simply doing what needs to be done. As time goes, it really starts to hit home how different our lives are going to be.

We make plans and then something happens that changes the course of our lives and we never imagined we would have to face things in such a different way.

You are doing all the right things. And his parents' loss is different than yours, yet everyone is hurt. And everyone grieves differently and at a different pace. Some mothers never recover from losing a child. Some wives go thru so much guilt if they get on with their lives at some point.

Is there anywhere local that you could get grief counselling or join a group? Real life support helps too. But know we are here for you. We listen and we care. :hug:

 

[Survivor3]

If I'm not with my boyfriend or my parents I'm usually sitting on the couch doing..nothing for hours. Staring at my phone to try to block out flashbacks.
Sitting there just crying.
It's getting bad lately and it's getting overwhelming. I know my parents are dealing with their own issues as it was there son (they are my in-laws) that died and his birthday and the anniversary of his death is coming up.

I don't know what to do. I'm scared I'll be stuck like this forever. I just want to lay down all the time. I don't want to bother people with this, I don't know how telling them could help anyway.

I want to be able to tell my boyfriend that I'm doing okay, but I can't. I'm scared he'll leave or something.

Hi, I know what it's like to have bad deppresion, I also sit around A lot and end up just watching t.v. Flashbacks are a daily event for me. if It wasn't for my inability to cry them I would be in tears aswell. It does take time to try and heal. Well done for reaching out and I'm sorry you are going through this at the moment. All the best to you.

 

[Bigglesworth]

I feel it gets more 'real' in the second year. The first year is about simply doing what needs to be done. As time goes, it really starts to hit home how different our lives are going to be.

We make plans and then something happens that changes the course of our lives and we never imagined we would have to face things in such a different way.

You are doing all the right things. And his parents' loss is different than yours, yet everyone is hurt. And everyone grieves differently and at a different pace. Some mothers never recover from losing a child. Some wives go thru so much guilt if they get on with their lives at some point.

Is there anywhere local that you could get grief counselling or join a group? Real life support helps too. But know we are here for you. We listen and we care. :hug:

I'm in therapy, but that's a little Rocky at the moment as I won't be able to see them (during my most critical month too) because they're moving. I'm not really comfortable with group therapy, it stresses me out trying to socialize with that many strangers at once, and alone.

My boyfriend of a year is great, but I still feel guilty at times too.

Hi, I know what it's like to have bad deppresion, I also sit around A lot and end up just watching t.v. Flashbacks are a daily event for me. if It wasn't for my inability to cry them I would be in tears aswell. It does take time to try and heal. Well done for reaching out and I'm sorry you are going through this at the moment. All the best to you.

I'm sorry you can relate.

 

[Ronin]

Wondering if you looked into grief counseling, or at least grief counseling literature if that is not something you can talk about / vent in any other way, in addition to the usual therapy?

Figures might be something beneficial, even if not taking away all of the hurt.

(Seeing ladee beat me to it. :tup:.)

 

[Bigglesworth]

How is grief counseling different? My therapist and I started seeing each other after the death happened.

 

[Ronin]

How is grief counseling different?

IME in focus, more about the relationship with the just departed, who they were as a person and in your life, and letting go, while gaining peace and closure with them being gone.

Not as much about anything else, your functioning in other areas, what their death meant economically for you & yours, what its other meanings, other relationships... as just yours. With them. & What the loss of that means.

Not only the end. The whole life, before the end. & How life is gonna be, after.

 

[Bigglesworth]

IME in focus, more about the relationship with the just departed, who they were as a person and in your life, and letting go, while gaining peace and closure with them being gone.

Not as much about anything else, your functioning in other areas, what their death meant economically for you & yours, what its other meanings, other relationships... as just yours. With them. & What the loss of that means.

Not only the end. The whole life, before the end. & How life is gonna be, after.

Oh. I've kind of been doing that. But it's not really the concern, yes him dying is sad and i'm upset by it but the bigger issues are the traumatic way everything happened. Not to be too detailed but I literally found his body and had to drag him out of the bathroom to preform cpr. This is where most of my issues are coming from.